That Time of the Month

Once in every month in my life, I always get this roller coaster of emotions (blame it on hormones). No matter what I do, there's just no way I can control them. So I just let it get to me and I just enjoy the freakin' ride. So how random are these emotions? Here are some of the stuff I think about when this does happen: Last night, I watched a trending video of two people who used to be a couple. So one was saying sorry because when he broke up with her, she just agreed because she got tired. While the other one was saying sorry because he knew he gave her all the reason to be tired. They were together for six years. I didn't really think about it until earlier today. It does get to that point. Like right now, I suddenly felt "tired". What a time to be one when he's not feeling well. And my thought goes like; he can take care of himself, he's a grown man! I guess my point is I just don't want him to be dependent on someone to care for him (is that mean?). I felt sick last week and I was able to take care of myself. Kinda selfish, but aren't we all? So in line with this thinking about how selfish I am. I just realized that bringing a life into the world won't really be a good idea for someone as selfish as I am. I thought about this because I recently consulted an OB-Gyn and requested for a fertility work up. Then, right now I was thinking maybe I shouldn't go through with it anymore. My thoughts were that maybe I am not meant to have kids because I'm too selfish. So now I'm deciding not to push through with the work up (not to mention that I'm scared of taking this one procedure that was said to be painful really painful) . Maybe it's not in God's plan or maybe the circumstances are not right. Maybe I'm planning it with the wrong person or the timing is off. I honestly do not know but I'll just let it go and let God. Is it so weird for someone to want to go out alone? I just asked if I can and I immediately got accused that I'm out to date someone. Is it unbelievable that I'm so fun to be with that I don't even need anyone to have fun? LOL. People-watching is my thing. It's honestly even better than Netflix at times that I can do it for hours and not get bored. That's how far I got with the roller coaster. Right now I'm listening to Broken Heart playlist on Spotify. My hormones feed on drama I suppose. That's what makes my life existing. All on its own.