"you're free..."

It's ironic, that this month of hearts.. I let go of the person closest to mine. It was my turn to give a seemingly lousy and invalid excuse. My turn to be the evil girlfriend who breaks up with an angelic boyfriend. (It used to be the other way around) I know it may sound really dumb that the reason for our break up is because we don't have time to be with each other. But it's true. Sounds dumb but its true. We hardly see each other nor talk to each other and the relationship is not stable enough to withstand such absence. I wanted the relationship to work out, but it's just too damn difficult. We can't seem to work it out. My feelings decreased as the time of not being together increased. It waned until I thought I was becoming unfair. And I can say I really was. My guilt consumed me.

All I said was we needed to talk. He didn't like talking, he never did. Even if we were fighting during a phone conversation, he will think of an excuse just to get off the phone. He hates confrontations. But hey, that's not an excuse. It's not like he never confronted me when he confessed his feelings to me, right? But no, the last thing I heard from him was a text message. I felt like I was Carrie Bradshaw, when Berger broke up with her through a Post-it(TM). That simple 'We need to talk', triggered a lot of emotions in him. What struck me the most was when he said 'I'll spare you the trouble, you're free'. It kept repeating inside my head long after I've finished reading it. As much as I want to see him and hold him one last time, he just won't let me. I tried convincing him to talk by all means of communication I know and I am almost ready to give up.

Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but I just don't think things are working right between us anymore. I feel so bad about letting go of the only guy who has given me the best treatment a girl could ever have. I mean, who doesn't want that. But I don't think I deserve to be treated that way. He deserves somebody better. (I know it's clicheic, but he really does deserve better) I cannot give him the kind of love he deserves. I don't think I'm ready for love after all... It's crazy, I know. A self-confessed romantic who's not quite ready to love...