by: Josh Groban
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
it's a series of unfortunate events
Last Saturday night, my wonderful friends went to an event at Philtrade Center. It looked like fun, it was my first time to go out after... well, you know what. Even though I was surrounded by a lot of beautiful people, the one I'm looking for is not there. But he's definitely on my mind. I silently wished he was there. It felt weird. Too weird that even before the party even began, I got nauseous all of a sudden. Good thing I was with Tatin when this happened. I can barely stand on my two feet, much more walk. I cannot see a thing nor hear a thing. I kept bumping into people, even to a wall because I really cannot see a thing! I was practically like a dead woman walking. When we got out of the place, I got a little breath of fresh air and Tats got me a bottle of water and I instantly felt a little better. (Tats, thank you ha... salamat.. thanks!) I started thinking, I must really be bent out of shape. I can't even stand still for one hour anymore. I got to learn to sleep and eat more soon or it'll be worse. It was really embarassing I tell you. I almost wished for the ground to just open up and swallow me whole. It wasn't the perfect place to go all sick like that all of a sudden. Definitely not good.
After a few minutes of feeling better, my bag got stolen. It was just in front of us and then it got stolen. I mean, could the night get any worse? All my important ID's are there... well, my ATM and driver's license being the most important of all. The money was just a little over 500 bucks. My house keys are there too. A pot of lip gloss and a small bottle of cheap cologne. Everything lost was replaceable. Luckily my celfone was stashed on my pocket. I would rather die than lose that phone coz it contained all of my best memories and that's irreplaceable and not to mention priceless. It's a series of unfortunate events for me... and I'm looking forward to the series of FORTUNATE events... coz I don't know how long I can get on with unfortunate events before I go crazy.
After a few minutes of feeling better, my bag got stolen. It was just in front of us and then it got stolen. I mean, could the night get any worse? All my important ID's are there... well, my ATM and driver's license being the most important of all. The money was just a little over 500 bucks. My house keys are there too. A pot of lip gloss and a small bottle of cheap cologne. Everything lost was replaceable. Luckily my celfone was stashed on my pocket. I would rather die than lose that phone coz it contained all of my best memories and that's irreplaceable and not to mention priceless. It's a series of unfortunate events for me... and I'm looking forward to the series of FORTUNATE events... coz I don't know how long I can get on with unfortunate events before I go crazy.
Friday, August 12, 2005
change
I miss him again... and I seem to miss him much more everyday. I miss him all the time. I miss everything about him. Never a moment passes by without me thinking of him or talking about him. I just can't stop. And how I can feel my heart break every time do. Everything simply reminds me of him. Things are just not the same without him. It's forever changed and that's what I have to live with. That's what we all have to live with. But let's not hesitate to entrust an unknown future to an all-knowing God. When we have nothing left but Him, we'll realize that God is really more than enough. Although my memories of him will definitely not wither with time, I'm sure I'll find the strength to get up again someday.
On to the things currently happening in my life... At work, I volunteered to be transferred to a different skill set. Starting on Monday, I, along with 29 of my team mates, will be trained to make calls. I welcomed the change because doing emails seem to depress me (when I said that everything reminds me of him, it's not an overstatement). I'm actually kind of excited to know what kind of job we'll be doing. It's my first time ever to wear a headset and speak to someone on the other line. I'm excited AND nervous. I'm honestly not that confident with my speech skills. I'm not particularly good in speaking, that's why I remain quiet most of the time. And people are surprised when they find out how talktative I can get on written communication (chat, text, email, blog, etc.). I guess this will be a good time for me to practice and hopefully improve. We'll see about that.
On to the things currently happening in my life... At work, I volunteered to be transferred to a different skill set. Starting on Monday, I, along with 29 of my team mates, will be trained to make calls. I welcomed the change because doing emails seem to depress me (when I said that everything reminds me of him, it's not an overstatement). I'm actually kind of excited to know what kind of job we'll be doing. It's my first time ever to wear a headset and speak to someone on the other line. I'm excited AND nervous. I'm honestly not that confident with my speech skills. I'm not particularly good in speaking, that's why I remain quiet most of the time. And people are surprised when they find out how talktative I can get on written communication (chat, text, email, blog, etc.). I guess this will be a good time for me to practice and hopefully improve. We'll see about that.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
for bubu
Perhaps I spoke too soon... it wasn't the last verse I wrote for him and it wasn't the last pain he made me suffer. He made me cry again, and this by far has been the worst cry I ever did and the pain was the worst feeling I ever felt. Even worse is the fact that the pain does not seem to go away. Every time I remember it, I can feel it piercing my heart. I can literally feel the pain in my heart. Although I know, he never meant to cause such pain.
Admittedly, I've been too selfish because all I really ever wanted was for him to be mine. God made me realize that he belongs to Him. So He took him away. Saved him from all the pains and sufferings of this world. Last Sunday, July 31, 2005, at four in the morning... he went to where he truly belonged.
I was one of the few blessed people who were able to share the last day of his life with him. I felt blessed that I got to talk to him a few hours before he went away. I felt more blessed that I got to tell him the truth, for the last message he received was my affirmation of love for him.
Reliving that Saturday afternoon, it seemed like a perfect day (except I was a little late). The four hours we spent together almost felt like an eternity to me. Even though we see each other every day, I was excited to meet him. We met at MRT Ortigas station and then headed off to Robinson's Galleria. I met Marose at the food court while he waited for me somewhere else. We originally planned to watch "Wedding Crashers", but after seeing that "If Only" was still being shown, he admitted he haven't watched it yet. So we then decided to watch it instead. I can still remember every comment we made on each scene. I can still remember how he wondered how people would react if he would loudly comment on how the guy dies at the end of the movie. While we were watching, he made plans on getting spa treatment together on the next pay day (half of his body was aching that time and I was massaging his hands and arms) and plans to watch "Must Love Dogs" the next time. When we passed by Cravings, he said we would eat there on the next pay day. Both fully unaware that there won't be a next time. I suggested we eat at Shakeys because I know how much he loved thin crust pizza. I ate three slices... he ate five so he MUST love thin crust pizza. He waited till I get on the bus before he get on a taxi to get his car. When I got home, I texted him and then went to sleep for a while. At around 9PM, I got a text from him but I was too sleepy to reply. Then a few minutes after he called on our landline to check if I've been receiving his messages. We talked for a while but then he had to go and meet his sister so I went back to sleep, woke up at 1 am and decided to check up on him. He called on my cellphone and we talked for around five minutes. He sent an MMS and I replied with a text. He admitted he was drunk but he promised he'd be a good boy. I did not exactly know what he meant when he started his text with "Maybe time will come. I've done almost everything..." I shrugged it off, cause he sometimes does not know what he says when he's drunk. I was the last to text him... and I never got my reply.
I woke up without knowing what had happen to him during the night. My phone ran out of battery so I used my mom's phone to text him and ask if he got to basketball practice safely. I did not get a reply. I thought he's probably playing. When I got home and charged my phone, I received the news I never wanted to hear. It says he died on a car accident. The words pierced through my heart but it can't be true. It's just a dumb stupid joke. At first I was too shocked to do anything. Then I tried to confirm it. It cannot be true. Not him. Please not him. I know these sort of things only happen in movies... not in real life. Not in THIS life. In so much denial, I even texted him and asked him to tell me he's okay. I even tried calling him. Until it finally dawned on me... He is gone. That was the time my tears started falling and I did not make any effort to make them stop. It was too much for my weak heart to take. I never had the strength to leave him because I didn't want to lose him... and now he's gone. Whether I like it or not. My heart couldn't take the blow. For days, I wallowed in such deep sorrow. My head couldn't think straight. Nothing seemed to make any sense. I feel like I'm half-a-world away from where I am. I'm lost in my own thoughts trying to justify what had just happened. I was literally on the verge of insanity. If it weren't for the greatest friends and family in the whole world, I would have easily crossed over that line. It is from them, where I found my strength to keep myself together.
I can still vividly remember when he was here, he was a such a loving person, he made sure that there was enough love to go around. He had a very loving heart, which he was never selfish to share to other people. That's why I know he deserves a place in heaven. I recently saw him got irritated about something I did, but I can say he never got mad. Although there was this one time I think he got a little angry when I told him I'll be going home when in fact I'll be eating breakfast with my friends first before I go home. He said it made him worry coz he hasn't received any text that I got home safe. He hates it when I cry. When I cried while watching our last movie together, he was playfully saying 'tahan na'. When he gets an inkling that I'm about to cry over the phone, he comes up with a dumb question just to make me think of something else. We have this habit of associating events that happen to us in a song. If we were to create a soundtrack, it will include "Hari ng Sablay", "You'll Be Safe Here", "Instant Ayos", "Constantly" and "Hanggang Kailan". He has a good memory. He remembers most things I have already forgotten. He remembered that I sat beside him during the company christmas party. He remembered what we ate on our first night out (it was chicken lollipop and gambas at Jack's Loft). He remembered the last movie we watched. He's also very caring. He makes sure that I get home safe, don't skip meals, have enough rest and drink medicine when I'm sick. I can say he definitely knows how to love, anyone who knows him can attest to that. He just doesn't know how to express it in words. He keeps telling me how he admires people who can easily express their feelings in words. Expressing his feelings and thoughts is just not his thing he says. And it's true.
Somehow, I have accepted the reality of life. That people will really come and go as God willed them to. It happens to the best of us. It's something we just have to live with. If God puts you to it, He will help you through it. I never regret any decisions I have made in the past regarding him. I am glad I decided to give it a little more time. Before, I really cannot defend myself on why I could never leave him when I've got all the reason to do so. Now, I think I know why. Everything does happen for a reason and it turned out that my reason was it was all the time I have to be with him and I better make the most of it. And I did make the most of it. At least I had the chance to show him and let him know everything there was to know, for I never held anything back. I am sure I will not wonder "what if" and ask myself "if only", coz I think I've done everything I want to do. I know I should be happy that we've created a lot of memories worth treasuring for the rest of my life. Even if the time we spent together was short, what we've shared at that minute of time was enough for it to last a lifetime. I'll remember him on my each and every waking day. As what was mentioned on the movie we watched, love doesn't end in death. For as long as you have love in your heart, nothing, even death, can put a stop to it. It could even go on forever. It's not going to be easy, and I know I still have a long way to go before I could get over this. All I have to learn is to trust God in his plans. God is yet to make me understand why things had to be this way. One thing's for sure though, that I'll forever be thankful for letting him come into my life.
Bubu, thank you for letting me be a part of your life. For that, my life is forever changed. Thank you for all the love and happiness you made me feel and for all the good memories we have shared. It was all worthwhile. I'll forever do a flashback of all the wonderful things you have done and you'll forever have that special place in our hearts. This is not goodbye for it's never goodbye.. it's only see you later. Just like when you were still here, now you can text me the words: "I'm finally home...".
Aiai terribly misses you and loves you much...
Admittedly, I've been too selfish because all I really ever wanted was for him to be mine. God made me realize that he belongs to Him. So He took him away. Saved him from all the pains and sufferings of this world. Last Sunday, July 31, 2005, at four in the morning... he went to where he truly belonged.
I was one of the few blessed people who were able to share the last day of his life with him. I felt blessed that I got to talk to him a few hours before he went away. I felt more blessed that I got to tell him the truth, for the last message he received was my affirmation of love for him.
Reliving that Saturday afternoon, it seemed like a perfect day (except I was a little late). The four hours we spent together almost felt like an eternity to me. Even though we see each other every day, I was excited to meet him. We met at MRT Ortigas station and then headed off to Robinson's Galleria. I met Marose at the food court while he waited for me somewhere else. We originally planned to watch "Wedding Crashers", but after seeing that "If Only" was still being shown, he admitted he haven't watched it yet. So we then decided to watch it instead. I can still remember every comment we made on each scene. I can still remember how he wondered how people would react if he would loudly comment on how the guy dies at the end of the movie. While we were watching, he made plans on getting spa treatment together on the next pay day (half of his body was aching that time and I was massaging his hands and arms) and plans to watch "Must Love Dogs" the next time. When we passed by Cravings, he said we would eat there on the next pay day. Both fully unaware that there won't be a next time. I suggested we eat at Shakeys because I know how much he loved thin crust pizza. I ate three slices... he ate five so he MUST love thin crust pizza. He waited till I get on the bus before he get on a taxi to get his car. When I got home, I texted him and then went to sleep for a while. At around 9PM, I got a text from him but I was too sleepy to reply. Then a few minutes after he called on our landline to check if I've been receiving his messages. We talked for a while but then he had to go and meet his sister so I went back to sleep, woke up at 1 am and decided to check up on him. He called on my cellphone and we talked for around five minutes. He sent an MMS and I replied with a text. He admitted he was drunk but he promised he'd be a good boy. I did not exactly know what he meant when he started his text with "Maybe time will come. I've done almost everything..." I shrugged it off, cause he sometimes does not know what he says when he's drunk. I was the last to text him... and I never got my reply.
I woke up without knowing what had happen to him during the night. My phone ran out of battery so I used my mom's phone to text him and ask if he got to basketball practice safely. I did not get a reply. I thought he's probably playing. When I got home and charged my phone, I received the news I never wanted to hear. It says he died on a car accident. The words pierced through my heart but it can't be true. It's just a dumb stupid joke. At first I was too shocked to do anything. Then I tried to confirm it. It cannot be true. Not him. Please not him. I know these sort of things only happen in movies... not in real life. Not in THIS life. In so much denial, I even texted him and asked him to tell me he's okay. I even tried calling him. Until it finally dawned on me... He is gone. That was the time my tears started falling and I did not make any effort to make them stop. It was too much for my weak heart to take. I never had the strength to leave him because I didn't want to lose him... and now he's gone. Whether I like it or not. My heart couldn't take the blow. For days, I wallowed in such deep sorrow. My head couldn't think straight. Nothing seemed to make any sense. I feel like I'm half-a-world away from where I am. I'm lost in my own thoughts trying to justify what had just happened. I was literally on the verge of insanity. If it weren't for the greatest friends and family in the whole world, I would have easily crossed over that line. It is from them, where I found my strength to keep myself together.
I can still vividly remember when he was here, he was a such a loving person, he made sure that there was enough love to go around. He had a very loving heart, which he was never selfish to share to other people. That's why I know he deserves a place in heaven. I recently saw him got irritated about something I did, but I can say he never got mad. Although there was this one time I think he got a little angry when I told him I'll be going home when in fact I'll be eating breakfast with my friends first before I go home. He said it made him worry coz he hasn't received any text that I got home safe. He hates it when I cry. When I cried while watching our last movie together, he was playfully saying 'tahan na'. When he gets an inkling that I'm about to cry over the phone, he comes up with a dumb question just to make me think of something else. We have this habit of associating events that happen to us in a song. If we were to create a soundtrack, it will include "Hari ng Sablay", "You'll Be Safe Here", "Instant Ayos", "Constantly" and "Hanggang Kailan". He has a good memory. He remembers most things I have already forgotten. He remembered that I sat beside him during the company christmas party. He remembered what we ate on our first night out (it was chicken lollipop and gambas at Jack's Loft). He remembered the last movie we watched. He's also very caring. He makes sure that I get home safe, don't skip meals, have enough rest and drink medicine when I'm sick. I can say he definitely knows how to love, anyone who knows him can attest to that. He just doesn't know how to express it in words. He keeps telling me how he admires people who can easily express their feelings in words. Expressing his feelings and thoughts is just not his thing he says. And it's true.
Somehow, I have accepted the reality of life. That people will really come and go as God willed them to. It happens to the best of us. It's something we just have to live with. If God puts you to it, He will help you through it. I never regret any decisions I have made in the past regarding him. I am glad I decided to give it a little more time. Before, I really cannot defend myself on why I could never leave him when I've got all the reason to do so. Now, I think I know why. Everything does happen for a reason and it turned out that my reason was it was all the time I have to be with him and I better make the most of it. And I did make the most of it. At least I had the chance to show him and let him know everything there was to know, for I never held anything back. I am sure I will not wonder "what if" and ask myself "if only", coz I think I've done everything I want to do. I know I should be happy that we've created a lot of memories worth treasuring for the rest of my life. Even if the time we spent together was short, what we've shared at that minute of time was enough for it to last a lifetime. I'll remember him on my each and every waking day. As what was mentioned on the movie we watched, love doesn't end in death. For as long as you have love in your heart, nothing, even death, can put a stop to it. It could even go on forever. It's not going to be easy, and I know I still have a long way to go before I could get over this. All I have to learn is to trust God in his plans. God is yet to make me understand why things had to be this way. One thing's for sure though, that I'll forever be thankful for letting him come into my life.
Bubu, thank you for letting me be a part of your life. For that, my life is forever changed. Thank you for all the love and happiness you made me feel and for all the good memories we have shared. It was all worthwhile. I'll forever do a flashback of all the wonderful things you have done and you'll forever have that special place in our hearts. This is not goodbye for it's never goodbye.. it's only see you later. Just like when you were still here, now you can text me the words: "I'm finally home...".
Aiai terribly misses you and loves you much...
Friday, August 05, 2005
love will show you everything
By Jennifer Love Hewitt
From the album "Soundtrack - If Only"
Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you'll never know
If you let it hide
I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you
Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never
Leave
Love will show you everything
One day
When youth is just a memory
I know you'll be standing right next to me
I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you
Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never
Leave
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
From the album "Soundtrack - If Only"
Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you'll never know
If you let it hide
I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you
Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never
Leave
Love will show you everything
One day
When youth is just a memory
I know you'll be standing right next to me
I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you
Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never
Leave
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
take my heart back
By Jennifer Love Hewitt
From the album "Soundtrack - If Only"
It'll be alright
You said
Tommorrow
Don't you cry
Don't you shed a tear
When you wake up
I will still be here
When you wake up
We'll battle all your fears
And now I'll...
Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tears
Just a little more time was all we needed
Just a little time for me to see
Oh,the light that life can give you
Oh,how we get such a free
So now I'll...
Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tear
From the album "Soundtrack - If Only"
It'll be alright
You said
Tommorrow
Don't you cry
Don't you shed a tear
When you wake up
I will still be here
When you wake up
We'll battle all your fears
And now I'll...
Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tears
Just a little more time was all we needed
Just a little time for me to see
Oh,the light that life can give you
Oh,how we get such a free
So now I'll...
Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tear
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)