the month of july

I know this post may seem long overdue because it’s been a month since July happened. But, whaddya know… I won an eRep Excellence Award for July! (Which I only learned recently so don’t blame me) Hurray for me! Oh and yah for Ron too, who bagged the Super Sup Award! Yey! (Hmm.. so where’s my buffet breakfast, Ron? Just kidding! uhm, okay, half-kidding! hahaha!)

July was a month where all things good and bad happened. It was the only month that I felt extreme emotions (both happy and sad). It did not start well at all because I was a wreck on the first week. I went through what others might call an emotional breakdown. I was so down that I had to spend a week out of town just to redeem myself. It did me good. I was able to think about stuff, clear my mind of clutter, spend quality time with my mom, relax, unwind, and of course, shop. Then when I got back, the last two weeks of the month was the best two weeks of my life. My emotions took a sudden turn for the better. I was happy, inspired, full of life… and love. I remember one of my friends at work even jokingly told me “Baka mamatay ka nyan bukas sa sobrang saya mo”. And then on the last day of the month, I didn’t die but the happiness was truly taken away.

I’m still not over it yet, I’m sorry. I still cry almost everyday when I remember. I don’t know what stage of grief I am in now but I’ll take my time. My body is not responding well to the drastic changes in my life. I’m not as resilient to change as I thought I was. I can’t eat right. When I’m at work, I’ll get really hungry but as soon as I see food, I won’t feel like eating anymore. My sleeping pattern is abnormal. No matter how late I stay up, I still wake up early. My mood swing is getting on a new level. I’m all hyper and jolly one day and then all clammed up and anti-social the next day. Sometimes, I feel like time stood still. Sometimes, I even lose the will to live… (I said sometimes, don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid).

The only thing, which I’m always thankful for and that keeps me going, is the people around me. Like what I said before, they are the source of my strength. I was even touched to know how some people would share words of encouragement even though they do not know me personally. Even though I was not able to meet them when Bubu was still around, I’m glad I still got a chance to know some of the wonderful people in his life. Somehow, it makes me feel like he’s still here. It’s true, love really does not end in death. It lives on and never leaves.