To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine

I make mistakes, I am, after all, human. This is never my excuse for making mistakes. I have no excuse for the mistakes I've done. I just know that they are things I've done or let happen that I've regret time and time again and they will continue to haunt me. But there's no way I can take them back.

I can't even explain myself or more so, defend myself. I do not honestly know why or how it happens, I don't even understand myself anymore. I know this also happens to other people and I've learned to understand them and forgive them for whatever harm they've done or caused. I don't expect that other people would treat me the same way, but I understand them just the same. To err is human, to forgive divine. It's not my way to burn bridges. I treasure every friendship I make. I am thankful for every friendship I get to keep. I get all the help from them, it's just me who cannot seem to know how to help myself. That is where the problem begins.

I know I cannot do anything about what other people say or think about me. I'm afraid I cannot defend or explain myself any longer. Honestly speaking, I don't even know what to say to them anymore. I'm not pleading guilty, but I'll surrender to whatever their verdict is. I'll just have to respect whatever their opinions are about me. Does not matter if they know the whole story or not, prejudice will always be present.

I found out that most of the time, no matter how hard it is for me... it's better to keep my silence. No matter how hard you try, at the back of their minds, they will always think you are what they think you are. Sometimes, they know you better than you know yourself.

I am sorry if I just don't live up to their expectations... I am sorry if I have disappointed them... I am sorry if it seemed like I don't give a slightest care to the world... I'm trying my best to live my life, and to tell you frankly, it's not the easiest thing to do and I was even so close to giving up... but I try to hang on, wishing that something or someone will be able to help me redeem myself from this unholy mess...

Birthday Post

Okay, 23rd birthday officially over. The four-day long celebration is finished. A year older, and not a tad richer!

So, let me begin this post by giving my yearly Birthday Speech. This year proved to be the most difficult of all years (I hate to think that it gets more difficult each year). It has forced me to mature in all aspects of life. The challenges are definitely not welcomed, but I really have no choice but to face them. But I'm just thankful that I got out alive (although a lot of times, I feel like giving up). I know it will never end, and it will even continue to get tougher by the second. I just hate it how I always end up getting tangled with all sorts of trouble. They say I let it happen to me, so I'm partly to blame. I understand what they mean. I think I might be schizophrenic or something. I say one thing, but I do the opposite. I can't get myself to do what needs to be done. So I always end up being bruised, shattered into pieces, broken and hurt. I get all the help I can get from other people... It's just I who couldn't help myself... and you can never help someone who is not ready to help herself. That truly is the most depressing fact. But, come on, it's not like I asked for unfortunate stuff like that to happen. I did not pray for life to treat me this way. Harsh. All I really wish for is just to be able to go back and live the normalcy of life...

So anyway, my birthday celebration started on the eve of my birthday at the office. I brought some food (Waldorf, Rosemary Chicken, Carbonara and French Bread). But it wasn't enough for the whole team, so only the chosen few (although many were called) got to eat. In the evening, my family and I went out to dinner at Soul Food at Greenbelt 3. Food is good... but they don't have any special treatment for birthday celebrants... pffft!

Then Saturday night is like part 2 of my office birthday bash. I treated 12 of my team mates to Dampa at Sucat, Paranaque. It was my first time to go there, so it was quite an experience. I'm not really good with buying and haggling at the wet market, so they sort of took over. We had lots of fun. I got to sing a whole lot of songs (I love to sing... but I didn't say I sing well. I actually sang off tune more often than not. That's the good thing about it being my birthday, no one has the right to complain). The food was greeeaatt (not to mention cheap!). We got Inihaw na Pusit, Calamares, Baked Tahong, Tahong with sabaw, liempo, Inihaw na fish, Kalderetang Kambing. We're all full to the brim! I don't mind going back there, really. I so had fun.

Then come Sunday night, my college friends and I ate at National Sports Grill at Greenbelt 3 after not seeing each other for months. Last time we saw each other was December last year. Most of our conversation is about Hollywood, movies and music. We also decided to go on an outing around first week of May (a first for us actually because the last time we actually went out of town is because it was a requirement for school). I also got super kewl gifts, I got these two kewl shirts, The Chillout Project album, Chocolates from Bizu and a set of accessories. They give the best gifts every time. It's the perfect closing for my birthday celebration.

Now, I'm back to work... back to my sucky life... but at least, for four days, I was reminded of how it feels to be happy... Thanks guys for making that happen... (I'm such a drama queen)

Happy Birthday to ME!

It's almost my birthday... and I'm not really a wee-bit excited on getting a year older (what's new?!).  A year older and no progress with life whatsoever. Every year I just get more frustrated with life and more depressed with the status quo. Its a lifelong crisis I tell you...

Well, its almost like a four-day celebration for me... at the strike of 12 of April 7th, my colleagues and I are going to feast on Rosemary chicken, carbonara pasta, Waldorf and French bread which my aunt and mom prepared (ain't they so sweet?). Tomorrow night, I'm gonna treat my family out to dinner. On Saturday night, I'm gonna treat my officemates out to dinner at Dampa in Sucat. And on Sunday night, I'm gonna treat my friends out to dinner at Greenbelt 3. Busy weekend for me. Heheheh...

We'll see how everything goes... and I hope I don't run out of money.. But then again, payday is just around the corner...