Unwanted Publicity

Whoever is spamming everyone with a link to my blogspot... thanks, but no thanks. I don't really know what your point is, but I think I'll be fine without your help...

A Week Long Illness

As expected, it took its toll on my health... I got ill for a week last week. Temperature ranged from normal to 39.5 degrees. I've been coughing non-stop... and on the latter days, I couldn't breathe through my nose. I already went to the hospital twice. I had my blood tested twice. I had a total of three xrays. They found something in my xray that was at first, suggestive of Tuberculosis. But later on after the third film, they said it seems normal after all. Blood tests showed that the main cause of sickness is viral. My platelet count was at 155. I was supposed to get it recounted yesterday to rule out Dengue. However, the last time I was there, I waited 2 long hours for the results that I developed a fever while I was waiting. My body was too weak to even wait for results, so I didn't go back anymore...

I'm still recuperating... not fully recovered yet, but getting better by the day... I'll be up and running again in no time...

Too Much, Too Soon...

Last week has been the most interesting week I've had this year...

The ninth of October marked our fifth month together. Never did i thought that it would also mark the end of a relationship that I thought would work out fine. One revelation from someone I never knew existed in his life. He did one mistake and one mistake was all it took. One irrevocable mistake and my world crumbled into pieces. One mistake that shattered all our dreams. I was deeply and immensely hurt and I have no choice but to deal with the pain...

While in the course of dealing with the pain over five bottles of beer, another revelation had me shed another bucket of tears. It has something to do with someone in the past. Someone that no longer lives in the present, except in my heart. One of my closest friends revealed that they had spoken one night. He was told that he had plans for me. Plans for our future together. He said he was going to start saving for the future that I have always dreamed about. Again, it was painful to know. It hurts to realize that it was a future we will never have, now that he's gone. I could have been the happiest person in the world, but instead I'm this. Broken. Shattered. Lost. Miserable.

My head has been floating around for over a week now... and I don't think it will come around any time soon. My body feels so heavy and my head so light. Right now, I don't think it is possible for me to feel whole again any time soon... I'm not even sure, if I'll ever feel whole again... everything just seems to be too much for me to handle... it's all too much, too soon...

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Will It Ever End?

Which do you think hurts the most: To suddenly lose someone you love so much or to be betrayed by someone you trusted so much? Actually, it really doesn't matter, because I don't get to choose. I get to have them both...

I must have been Hitler in my past life to deserve such pain and misfortune. As far as I know, I've been a good person and I've been trying to be better each day. And I'm not doing it just so other people I don't even know can accuse me of things that I did not do or am not even aware of. I have never antagonized anyone in my life. Ask any of my friends and family, they know what kind of a person I am and they have every right to judge me only because they know exactly who I am.

There's only so much pain that I can take. I am not numb. I just wish that some people know that I'm not a bottomless pit for pain. I just wish that sometimes, they would learn to think before they speak... the way I'm trying to learn it right now...

I think I've been hurt more than enough, so please if you got nothing better to do with your life... just make sure you keep out of mine...

Act Naturally by Semisonic

Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can’t hide
It’s growing like a tangled vine & rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you, nothing I could do
Everybody sees you taking control of me
Well I’m not begging for release
I’m just begging darling please, please

Act naturally
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt

Our little problem doesn’t seem to be about to go away
As far as I can tell it’s gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look, yeah, that was all it took
I can’t help believing they can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight till we figure how to make it right
I don’t know what I should but i
Would do it if I could

Act naturally
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(act naturally)
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt
Act naturally (remove this line)
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down