song for the moment

Song Title: Broken Sonnet
Artist: Hale

And now I concede on the night
of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will admit in this fourth line
That I love you, that i love you

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

The clock on the TV says 8:39 p.m.
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line I'll say it all over again
That I love you, that i love you

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go, will never let go

I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go, never let go

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you

random 'senti' thoughts

I just started wondering, why won't things just turn out the way you want it to be? Why do things have to seem so unfair on your side? I know they say that you should accept whatever comes to you... and I am accepting it, and sometimes I'm even thankful for it, however, it sometimes feels like I'm swallowing a bitter pill. Sometimes it's really hard to accept the downside of things. I can say I'm happy now and contented with life, but not totally. I know things could always be better. There are things that I wish would happen, although I'm not sure it will... I take the risk anyway, thinking that maybe things will turn out fine in the future. But you can't discount the possibility of things turning out NOT fine. Then, I'll be back to square 1 (even negative 1 if possible). I hate the fact that there are things in life you just can't take control of. Like how other people think or react, especially how other people feel about you. There will always be a risk. There's always a catch to happiness. You can't be happy without feeling sad. Well, its a matter of choice actually. You can't win if you don't fight. I know it might look like I'm fighting a losing battle, but I will regret if I don't fight for it. I'd rather take the risk, than wonder all my life thinking 'what if' and telling myself 'if only'. I know it's a battle I won't regret fighting for and I know all the wounds I will incur will all be worth it in the end. Or so I hope.

* Weird, I started this post with a completely different thought in mind, I've no idea how it came to be what it is now... must be my unconscious mind thinking aloud.

*I know you may not have the slightest idea of what I'm talking about, but maybe some other people will.. who knows?! ;P

"when you love someone, you have to fight for it, that was why i was willing to fight for you... to make you realize how much you mean to me. but when i saw the look in your eyes whenever she's around... i know i already lost even before the fight began..."

emotional blackmail

Got this from Cosmopolitan Philippines' April issue:

Are you a victim of emotional blackmail? You might be setting yourself up for abuse if you allow them to:
* Threaten to make your life difficult if you don't do what they want.
* Constantly threaten to end the relationship if you don't do what they want.
* Tell you or imply that they wil neglect, hurt themselves, or become depressed if you don't do what they want.
* Always want more, no matter how much you give.
* Regularly assume you will give in to them.
* Regularly ignore or discount your feelings and wants.
* Make lavish promises that are contingent on your behavior and then rarely keep them.
* Constantly label you as selfish, bad, greedy,unfeeling or uncaring when you don't give in to them.
* Shower you with approval when you give in to them and take it away when you don't.
* Use money as a weapon to get their way.

If any of these situations sound painfully familiar, you are being emotionally blackmailed. Excerpted from Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward Ph.D with Donna Frazier.

Well, almost all are painfully familiar to me... so I therefore conclude that I was indeed emotionally blackmailed... but I'm glad that I got myself out of it, coz that was by far, the worst kind of treatment I've had from a person who's clearly not even worth all the trouble. 'nuff said.