In My Dreams

September 21, 2006 - I got to hug Bubu in a dream today. I did not see his face, but I know it was him. He was wearing a white shirt and at first, I doubted if he was real because, in the dream, we all sort of know that he's gone. So I touched his arms first and when he felt real, I hugged him as tightly as I could. It was only for a few seconds, but the feeling lasted til I woke up.

 

This is the last dream I was able to remember after a long long time, and I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I forgot it when I woke up. But I did dream and I did remember. The moment I woke up, I instantly felt mixed emotions. Overwhelmed with joy because I was able to be with him. Then sadness overcame when I realize it can only happen in my dreams. All feelings rushed back just like when he was still alive. I desperately asked God to give him back, in any way or in any form... but deep inside I know, dreaming will be the only way for me to see him again.

 

I know you may think it's unfair for the person I am with, but I think he has somehow accepted the fact that part of my heart will always be with him. That he will always have to share it with him. I'm sure he knows it, I'm sure he has accepted that fact and I'm sure he respects it... and I'm gonna really love him for that.