Almost Rock Bottom

I am close to hitting rock bottom... again. I know I can clearly say it's not the worst moment in my life since there was still this point when I was totally consumed with darkness, this does come a close second. I have come to a point wherein I feel helplessly hopeless. I just ceased to care about anything in the world. Like a dead fish going with the flow... downstream... on to a filthy water in a clogged canal. So how bad is it really? It started with me losing my job and becoming a bum for more than half a year. The longest I have ever been without a job. At first there was a reason to it (severance pay), then we got scammed into getting just half of what it was supposed to be. That somehow made me even more bitter than I already was. Then last week, I had an epiphany that I'm a quitter. That realization got me so bad that for the first time in months, I cried my eyes out. I really am one and the sad fact is I can even make a list of things I couldn't finish or follow through. The dust hasn't settled on that one yet another issue came about. As it turns out, I flirt uncontrollably and inappropriately. All along I thought it was just a harmless banter but apparently it isn't. As crazy as it sounds, I honestly didn't know it affected him. In my mind, it was just a joke. I feel terrible that he no longer trusts me, but somehow I'm relieved to know he gets affected. All along I thought he just doesn't care. With all these in mind, I now have this urge to be alone and shut down altogether. I got nothing, have no one and am going nowhere fast. I honestly tend to push people away when I get to this point. Not because I hate them or anything. On the contrary, I do it because I don't want them to get affected by whatever I do. I don't want to burden them, pull them down or even discourage them in any way. I don't want them to get hurt with all the destructive shitty things I might say or do. I don't want to have their optimism and serenity get sucked into my emotional black hole. I just don't think it's healthy for me to be with anyone at this point (and vice versa). I need to be able to figure things out on my own, to decide on how I can resolve things in my own pace, in my own way, without having to worry about others. How long will this take? No one can tell. But what I can say for sure is that I'll get myself out of this rut eventually and that will be the start of the best days of my life.