When I woke up today, I sort of knew this was not my day. First, today is the day I go back to work after five consecutive days of not working (somehow, my rest days got accumulated). Second, I really HAVE to go to Diliman to do some research (Have, meaning, I don't want to but I need to). These are the thoughts in my mind the moment I woke up and that's not exactly how I wanted to welcome an otherwise beautiful day.
I left the house at 9am and I rode a jeepney going to Guadalupe (MRT). It slipped my mind that it's rush hour so the traffic is at its worst. What would normally take 15 minutes, took me an hour. Had I known that, I could have just taken a bus to MRT Buendia and so I wouldn't be as sweaty as I was when I got there. But at least, I got there in one piece. Went down at Quezon Avenue and almost got lost with the new loading zones.
Then I finally got to UP Diliman. So I went to library number 1, and got the book I needed. I thought my luck was starting to change but when I got to library number 2, my whole world crumbled. Nope, it's not because I didn't get the books I needed. My trip to library number 2 was successful (but the trip to library number 3 is not because it's already closed). Something rather unfortunate happened to my phone. It was acting up this morning, even with a newly recharged battery, it hangs. Then it's not accepting the correct PIN code. Then I keep losing signal. While I was walking towards library number 2, my phone memory is full of messages and I planned to deal with it when I get to my destination. Then the next time I looked at it... it's no longer flashing that yellow envelope signaling that I'm out of space... and the word INBOX is grayed out... my heart started to race as I click on it.. half-expecting that I'm just dreaming... then I saw the last thing I ever want to see happen on my phone.. NO MESSAGES. I almost wanted to cry and throw my phone out of the 3rd floor window. All his recent messages that I've been guarding like my life depended on it, gone in an instant, without warning and without a trace. I even refused to buy a new phone because his messages are stored in the phone memory and if I remove the sim card, it will all be gone. What's even frustrating is that this morning, I already freed up some space on my sim memory so that I can store the 20+ messages from him later on the day. It was lost before I had the chance to move them. They are nothing but a memory now. I almost wanted to collapse right then and there.
I quickly texted his sister, Ate Danette and two of my friends and told them about it (cause I was about ready to cry at that time and telling people how I feel really helps to make me feel better). She told me maybe it's God's way of telling me to move on. It's the same thing my friend told me. Coincidentally, I received their messages only seconds apart. Yup, maybe that's a sign... maybe I just didn't want to think of it as that (read: denial). I'm just quite not ready to let go... I'm sorry.
And so I visited him today (luckily I didn't get lost). But then, there are too many workers around (since the building is not yet finished and they're trying to complete it by November) and so I couldn't have a quiet moment with him. I think I have even stepped on a wet cement and quickly apologized to the worker who's, uhm.. working on it. Plus the sun was shining so brightly and I do not have anything to shield myself from it's strong rays. Fortunately though, the guard was an angel and was kind enough to lead me to his wall and lend me an umbrella and even offered to get me a chair. I said he doesn't really need to for I won't stay long (it's past 3pm and I got work later at night plus I haven't even had my lunch yet and I was about ready to faint). I stared at the wall for a while, whispered things to him while looking at his name on that wall while fighting back tears that are threatening to fall. Before I left, I promised I'd go back at a much better time.
And so I decided to go home and rest and eat, rode an FX to Buendia, again without realizing that it's a Friday thus it's traffic in Quiapo. I got home tired and hungry. So after eating a hearty meal, I snoozed for a few hours before I get myself ready for work. And that was practically how my day went. Certainly not perfect, but it was definitely meaningful and absolutely not a waste.
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