For the past week, I did nothing but shut off every source of happiness I have had in my life. I chased out every ray of sunshine and let myself wallow in the pool of darkness. An all-too-familiar place that I never thought I would be back in when my live had changed (or so I thought). It's not the best place to be in but I seriously think this is the best place for me to start.
Sometimes, when all things are too messed up, it is better to start with nothing than to start where you left off. If the whole structure gave in because the foundation is weak, it is wise to dig deeper and start to build a new foundation from there. Now I understand. Now I know why I always react this way. My place of darkness has a purpose for being there. When everything crumbles down to the ground, instead of me rising up, I find myself digging deeper into the darkness. This is because I want to start anew. New. Improved. Better. Like something made after a disaster.
Even if no one likes to admit it, I know things are different now. I cannot go back and change the mistakes done in the past but I can always go for a new beginning. No matter how sorry I feel, the damage done is done. There really is nothing that I can do or say that would take everything back to how it was. All I can do is to take everything to memory and charge it to experience. I will start anew, the way I learned it should be. Things will be different. Changes will happen. His will be done.
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