Year-Ender Post 2006

It's almost the end of the year and since I'll be spending New Year's Eve in our house in Tagaytay and I am fully booked for tomorrow, now will be the perfect time to wrap up the whole year into another measly year-ender post... But before I start, let's travel back in time and take a quick look at my previous year ender posts:

Year-Ender Post 2004

"The year is closing to an end... and I just couldn't help getting all emotional about it... I just wasted another year of my life. I did nothing in this year that I should be proud of. All I did was to make all the wrong decisions and deal with its endless consequences. Honestly speaking, I'm tired of taking the same bull* everyday... for a year! But I've no one else to blame but me (and that's the saddest part of all!) I know, this may seem like another one of my bitter entries, but it's really the only way I could get by. Or else, I'd go crazy. Besides, it's not like I forced you to read this, right? But anyway, I hope the year ahead will be much better than this one. I'm gonna wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Try to straighten up my crooked life. Wish it was that easy to do."

Year-Ender Post 2005

"I would have really wanted to sum up the year with a really long year-ender post... recounting the events that happened, lessons learned, people met, people lost, etc. And then write another really long year-starter post... about hope for tomorrow, new years resolution, plans, dreams, wishes, etc.... but my enthusiasm to write sort of vanished... so I'll just roll them up in one really short post.

It wasn't really much of a good year... That's it! Year-ender post, summed up in one sentence!

And as for my Year-starter post... given the fact that it wasn't really much of a good year... and so why in the world would I think that this year would be any different?!?!?"

In my opinion, on Year Ender Post 2004, I sounded pathetic... while on Year Ender Post 2005, I sounded drunk... made me think how will I sound this year... so to prevent history from repeating itself, let me start off by asking the right questions to myself: What are the major things that happened on my 23rd year on earth? Did I even learn a freakin' thing out of it? Did I somehow manage to make more friends than enemies this year? Did I even do anything to be proud of? Overall, how did the year 2006 went for me?

The year started with me being sort of promoted to level three work, which consequently made me earn a bit more than last year. It was a whole new experience for me and I did learn a lot from it. It was rewarding at first, until later this year, it got kinda old. Early on the year, I was able to buy a new phone and left my old one with a heavy heart. I was on blog-leave for a while. I had a great four-day long birthday celebration. I had a loser-y summer and was only able to go to Galera. I turned into a Prison Break and Grey's Anatomy fan. I had an urge to buy PSP mid-year and only decided to get one before the year came to a close. Of course, I made a bunch of mistakes, always, one after the other. And as expected, I got all dramatic about it. I met someone who made me happy for a while and then let's not talk about that... Got rid of my braces and moved on to retainers. I miss bubu once in a while (still do). I finally got rid of my Globe plan which I had for three or four years. So I went back to the number I had for 8 years. I had a really bad hair cut but got it fixed in no time but with lots of money. I got really ill for a full week or so. My personal space started to be invaded by complete strangers. I got accused of something I'm not or I never did or I'm not to be blamed about. I started my snowglobe collection with a little help from my friends. I made a lot of friends, but I honestly never considered anyone an enemy. I've always been understanding and I know how to see beyond the actions. I may question people for what they do, but I never blame them for it.

Most important thing that happened this year? I have learned. To be strong. To trust no one but myself. To never explain to anyone. To stop being kind to everyone except to those who deserve it. To be wise and not stupid or blinded by anything. To stop deceiving myself. To live up to my own decisions. To enjoy life. To live the life I wanted.

Honestly, I learned a lot this year. Most of them are important things in life. I feel really lucky to have survived this year. I am lucky that I was able to get out of a really ugly situation without a bruise, while others had no choice but to live with it and be content with hearing lies. I know better than to live a life full of lies. I am happy to know the things I know and be able to do the things that I want to do. Life is good. I think I'm all set for 2007. Bring it on.

No Explanations

Who would have thought that someone really close to you could betray you for something so trivial and then cause such negative effect in your life... and that person couldn't have chosen a more perfect time to do it. A few days before Christmas is just about right. That person thinks her actions won't hurt anyone, but what she didn't know was that it had a ripple effect. People that that person don't even know personally has already been gravely affected... of course, mine sustained most of the damage.

Consequently, it pushed me into a corner... and so I have no other choice but to sacrifice the things that I've held on to for so long. I guess its the only way to shut them all out. I came to a point where I've let other people take control of me. I've basically been bound and gagged. Now, I want to be free. I'm just tired of it all and I wanna be left alone for once in my life. To be away from disapproving stares, hushed whispers and judgmental thinking that I know I don't deserve. And finally, to stop being the cause of such drama.

But enough of that crap, I won't explain anything to anyone for two reasons. My true friends won't need it and the rest won't believe it anyway. So if I say it's not true, I don't need to explain it nor do I need to convince you to believe it. Take it or leave it. The conversation begins and ends there. Choose your side.

After this storm, I will have learned to live by these words: "It doesnt matter what other people think or say... you don't live to please them... what matters is, you've made the most of what you have, you had fun, you learned from what you've done and you've lived thru it all despite the gossips and intrigues. That's being real... just live a life fearless of other people's shadow..."

Confused? So am I. But like I said, I don't owe anyone explanations... I'm just letting the demons out before the new year comes...

Guess Who Stole Christmas?

Each year, it's starting to become a tradition to be visited by a Grinch who never fails to ruin my Christmas... Of course, I don't want to post something so negative on a day that's supposed to be merry and bright so I wrote this in my journal first before I actually posted this, just to let the inner demons out.

This year, the Grinch was someone I least expect him to be. The person created such stir and such chaos that it affected other people as well. The fire widely spread itself uncontrollably and caused irreparable damage. I feel sorry for the people who got affected by it. But mostly, I feel sorry for myself that I wasn't able to contain it before it went too far. Now is just a tad too late.

I'm at the end of my rope. It has happened far too many times that if it ever happened again, I'll be at my wits' end. So to end it, I got to make myself less and less visible, until they don't see me at all anymore...

Greetings!

Whatever is good and kind -
whatever is true and real and kind.
Whatever spins and moves us
and sparkles in the world and shines...
Whatever is fine and honest and certain as friendship...
Whatever is good...
We honor these things in our hearts...
and celebrate their light at Christmas time.

Attention: Gift-Givers

Okay! I already got early Christmas gifts! 2 snow globes from early birds! (Pun intended. Hahah) You know who you guys are. Thanks a lot! It means a lot to me. Somehow it proves that this blog still has a use... Hahaha.

So anyway, since I don't think everyone has enough time to find really really cute snow globes and not much is available in the market. Being the understanding person I am, I decided to widen up your choices a bit . I came up with a list of other stuff you can give as alternative. It's not that I'm imposing, but... okay, I probably am! So aside from snow globes, the following gifts will also be very much appreciated:

1. Games for my PSP - it does not need to be the original UMD, unless you own Datablitz or something. I can make do with ISO files. Save it in a disc or wherever.

2. Memory Stick Duo 2GB or more (still for my PSP) - of course, more storage space, the better.

3. PSP Accessories - to pimp my PSP. Okay, enough of PSP stuff...

4. LeSportsac or Nike Hand or Tote Bag - not the small one, but not too big either. Just make sure that my Starbucks planner and Coke Light journal and kikay kit will fit just right. You can expect it to be heavy, so make sure it's sturdy... hehehe.

5. DVD Burner - I'm running out of space to place CDs that can only hold 2 episodes a piece. Of course, if you can give me a DVD burner, why don't you throw in some DVD-Rs as well. You know, just for the heck of it. Hehehe.

6. Lotsa Post-It's - I already said on my previous post how much I love paper so I don't need to explain further...

7. Bath and Body Works Lotion - I can't live without lotion but I'd like to try another scent and steer away from Cucumber Melon for a while. Maybe Apple or cotton something or Lemongrass Sage. I didn't like Body Shop's Lotion that much because settling easily occurs especially when you leave it at below room temperature.

Hmmm... I think I ran out of ideas... But don't fret, I'll keep adding more to the list as soon as I think of something... I'll stop at 10 and I'll think of less expensive ones for cheapskates... hehehe...

Starbucks Planner Part Two

HAH! I have completed yet another Starbucks sticker card... just two weeks after I finished my first one! Of course, I don't need two planners... and I'm feeling mighty generous this season of giving so I'm going to give it away. Sorry, it's not up for grabs, this one already has an owner, and so will the next one I'm getting after this. I sort of already promised them that I'll get them a planner. Maybe after that, I can raffle it off or something... Let's see how many planners I can get... and how much hard-earned money I can waste on coffee! Hahaha...

Gift to Self

Here's where my 13th month pay will go to:



Yep, I'm finally buying myself one, after thinking about it for six months (and after a few convincing from my friends). Well, it should be worth the wait, plus I think I got a good deal on it. I'm getting it next week... the whole package, the white one with 2 gig memory and games.... I deserve to have this for Christmas, it's the perfect gift for myself and I can hardly wait!!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! What I Want For Christmas!

I'm starting my snow globe/water globe whatever-you-call-it collection a la "My Girl" koreanovela (yeah, I was sort of influenced by it). So far, all I got is three, so since Christmas is coming, you may want to contribute! Hehehe. The big one, I got it from my brother, who got it as a gift from a friend in Paris. The dolphin one on the right was given to my by a friend, while the lavander one with a white star, I bought at Divisoria.

Any snow globe will do, but what I really want is one that has a light or plays music. Preferably Precious Moments ones. I know, that would be more expensive... that's why I'm asking for it as a gift! So all you people out there who owe me a lot, you know what to get me. Hahaha! If you're out of the country, I would also love to get one of these from different countries, so all you jetsetters out there... please get me even just a tinny tiny one as pasalubong. Hahaha. Thanks! Luv yah! :>

Starbucks Planner and Coke Light Journal

After just two weeks, I got my Starbucks Planner! I started on November 5th, and here I am, I got it on November 19th. Beat that! Hahaha.



Of course, I had a lot of help from my friends. I even had a coffee buddy who was willing to buy a cup with me everyday. So I filled the sticker coupon in no time at all.

Last year, I was able to fill out 2 and 3/4 sticker coupons. I gave the second planner to my sister (who by the way didn't use it at all so I won't be giving her the new one anymore). The third one I was planning to give to my cousin, but I wasn't able to fill it because I forgot to bring it one time. But I would've gotten three if I brought the coupon with me. Well, forgetful me.

Oh, I also bought one of their new Holiday tumblers. I bought the gold frosted one with christmas prints on it. Looks really kewl. I bought it, because I gave my old mosaic Starbucks tumbler away and because this particular Starbucks tumbler seem to be speaking to me right from the moment I saw it. I bought it the next day, just so I can say that it was not impulsive buying. (But deep inside, we all know I've acted on impulse once again...)

I think I've become a sucker for them freebies these past few days. Because aside from the Starbucks planner, I also got this Coke Light Journal for free from 7-11.

I heard about this from a friend who wated to get one, but was told that he would need to get a sticker coupon which is only available at Glorietta. He didn't even know where in Glorietta exactly. But lo and behold, I was able to locate the tiny booth by coincidence or maybe by fate! So I sneaked a couple of sticker coupons so I can give the other one to my friend. It was going to end in a matter of two days when I got the coupon, so the next day, I bought six cans of Coke Light and instantly got my journal right away! That's where I wrote this post down!

I don't know, I just like paper so much. I even carry lots of them to work everyday. You can say my bag weighs a ton, with my old and new Starbucks planner and this hard-bound thick Coke light journal. I don't know, I just feel safe with them in my bag. =P

Unregistered SIM

Effective today, my Globe line is finally cut. I was actually expecting it to be cut next month because from where I work, we usually cancel at the end of the billing cycle. I forgot I'm in the Philippines. Tsk, tsk, the things I forget. Unbelievable. Heheheh.

I think it got cut around 11am today. I got a call on the landline and on the cell around that time, probably it was Globe people. But I no longer answer unidentified calls so I let it go. I was trying to access a wapsite and I keep getting Network Unavailable error. I thought they probably are javing a downtime of some sort. So I slept on it and when I woke up, I was surprised not to see any messages waiting to be read. So I tried to text, and as soon as I saw it fail, it dawned on me that my line is cut. I quickly restarted my phone and there it was: Unregistered SIM. Damn it! My unlimited text hasn't even expired yet, not until Saturday midnight! I was hoping to make the switch by Sunday and inform ONLY the people I want to be informed of the switch so as to limit getting unidentified calls from stalkers, or people I just want to forget.

Well, to all Smart subscribers, good luck on being informed! Hahaha!

Keeping My Silence

In a person's life, there comes a point wherein you just get tired of talking about pointless stuff (like what I'm doing now with this post for instance). Especially when people just seem to keep barking at the wrong tree and you just can't seem to make them understand that you're really not the right person to talk to. So even if sometimes they go overboard and cross the line, I know better than to fight back. So instead, I'm keeping my silence. It's the only way to make them stop. Talk to me all you want, just don't expect to get answers. It's not that I'm trying to keep something, it's just that I don't think talking really helps anyone at this point...

P.S.
By the way, to my newest stalker, a word of advice, "Your just afraid" or "Your lame" should be spelled as "You're just afraid" or "You're lame"...

Final Battle

The final battle between Pacquiao and Morales commenced today. Unlike the last fight, I wasn't able to watch it in the mall, so I had to make do with the delayed telecast on local TV. Man, was it disappointing to find out that the game ended in three measly rounds. All the minor fights definitely took longer than that! After all the hype! It ended with just three rounds! They didn't even bother to put up a little show. Good thing I wasn't one of those who bought "golden" tickets (because they're as expensive as gold) to watch the live feed in the cinemas. That would have been a total waste of money. If you asked me, I liked the second fight better than all the three. I don't seem to like Pacman as much either. Everything seems to be going in his head. He's starting to have too much air, in my humble opinion. So I wouldn't actually mind seeing him lose any day soon.

I pity Morales though, when I saw him being knocked down on the third round. Makes me want to hug him. Heheheh... Well, Morales was a good fighter, I must say. For the final battle, my hat is off for the losing end.

Girls and Gays Night Out

Of all the night outs i've been on, this has far been the most unusual one, but nevertheless, FUN. My friend turned a year older last night so we went out to celebrate...

After going to the wake of our common friend's dad, we left there at 1am to go on an educational tour to a different world. Malate. All 6 of us, 3 girls and 3 not-so-guys. But it was obviously their night. Us, three girls, stuck out like a sore thumb. Our three friends got friends all over the place while the three of us stuck together and sat quietly in the corner.

It was such an eye-opener, that their population is that great nowadays. It seems unbelievable how easily they can get someone to hook up with, while us girls are having a hard time trying to catch one decent guy. Surprisingly, most of the guys there don't even look like they're gay. There are not much cross-dressers, that if you don't have an eye for it, you won't even know he's gay. Luckily, they somehow trained our eyes how to differentiate a gay guy and a straight one. I just wish that the cute ones will turn straight someday soon! We're running out of cute guys!

All in all, I can say it was different, but being with gay people really makes you... well, gay! By that i meant, happy. I don't think there's a sad second when you're with them. We're not even that closely knit and it was the first time for all of us to go out together, but it seemed like we knew each other for ages. Definitely one of the nights to remember. Thanks Dan, Karl, Brent, Kers and Jeng! Sa uulitin! =P

"It Only Hurts" by Default

Can hold my breath only for a little while 'til reality starts sinking in
once again i'm settling for second best turn the pages skip to the end
to where i swore that i would try since the last time i crossed that line in the back of my mind i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

miles away promise from a burning bed two worlds should never collide
one word would end it if you ever heard tear the page out that reminds me
when i swore that i'd be strong now the next time has come and gone well maybe i'm wrong i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

i know what your feeling it's hard to believe in someone, someone who's not there
i know that your waiting 'cause love is worth saving but only for so long, so long, so long

i swore that i would try since the last time, the last time

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

Unwanted Publicity

Whoever is spamming everyone with a link to my blogspot... thanks, but no thanks. I don't really know what your point is, but I think I'll be fine without your help...

A Week Long Illness

As expected, it took its toll on my health... I got ill for a week last week. Temperature ranged from normal to 39.5 degrees. I've been coughing non-stop... and on the latter days, I couldn't breathe through my nose. I already went to the hospital twice. I had my blood tested twice. I had a total of three xrays. They found something in my xray that was at first, suggestive of Tuberculosis. But later on after the third film, they said it seems normal after all. Blood tests showed that the main cause of sickness is viral. My platelet count was at 155. I was supposed to get it recounted yesterday to rule out Dengue. However, the last time I was there, I waited 2 long hours for the results that I developed a fever while I was waiting. My body was too weak to even wait for results, so I didn't go back anymore...

I'm still recuperating... not fully recovered yet, but getting better by the day... I'll be up and running again in no time...

Too Much, Too Soon...

Last week has been the most interesting week I've had this year...

The ninth of October marked our fifth month together. Never did i thought that it would also mark the end of a relationship that I thought would work out fine. One revelation from someone I never knew existed in his life. He did one mistake and one mistake was all it took. One irrevocable mistake and my world crumbled into pieces. One mistake that shattered all our dreams. I was deeply and immensely hurt and I have no choice but to deal with the pain...

While in the course of dealing with the pain over five bottles of beer, another revelation had me shed another bucket of tears. It has something to do with someone in the past. Someone that no longer lives in the present, except in my heart. One of my closest friends revealed that they had spoken one night. He was told that he had plans for me. Plans for our future together. He said he was going to start saving for the future that I have always dreamed about. Again, it was painful to know. It hurts to realize that it was a future we will never have, now that he's gone. I could have been the happiest person in the world, but instead I'm this. Broken. Shattered. Lost. Miserable.

My head has been floating around for over a week now... and I don't think it will come around any time soon. My body feels so heavy and my head so light. Right now, I don't think it is possible for me to feel whole again any time soon... I'm not even sure, if I'll ever feel whole again... everything just seems to be too much for me to handle... it's all too much, too soon...

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Will It Ever End?

Which do you think hurts the most: To suddenly lose someone you love so much or to be betrayed by someone you trusted so much? Actually, it really doesn't matter, because I don't get to choose. I get to have them both...

I must have been Hitler in my past life to deserve such pain and misfortune. As far as I know, I've been a good person and I've been trying to be better each day. And I'm not doing it just so other people I don't even know can accuse me of things that I did not do or am not even aware of. I have never antagonized anyone in my life. Ask any of my friends and family, they know what kind of a person I am and they have every right to judge me only because they know exactly who I am.

There's only so much pain that I can take. I am not numb. I just wish that some people know that I'm not a bottomless pit for pain. I just wish that sometimes, they would learn to think before they speak... the way I'm trying to learn it right now...

I think I've been hurt more than enough, so please if you got nothing better to do with your life... just make sure you keep out of mine...

Act Naturally by Semisonic

Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can’t hide
It’s growing like a tangled vine & rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you, nothing I could do
Everybody sees you taking control of me
Well I’m not begging for release
I’m just begging darling please, please

Act naturally
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt

Our little problem doesn’t seem to be about to go away
As far as I can tell it’s gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look, yeah, that was all it took
I can’t help believing they can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight till we figure how to make it right
I don’t know what I should but i
Would do it if I could

Act naturally
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(act naturally)
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt
Act naturally (remove this line)
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down