Early this wonderful rainy morning, as soon as I woke up with a happy face (yep, like Shirley Manson, I'm only happy when it rains), I thought of writing about past loves... however, I'm afraid that I might just end up looking like the most bitter person and the sorest loser on the face of the planet. Well, who cares?! I don't think I'm the only person like that in this planet's blemished and sun-damaged face. So, I'm gonna talk about it anyway!
The fact of the matter is I still think about them sometimes. So, how many are them exactly? Technically, just two. Yeah, the first one and the last one and that's all, no in-betweens. The problem with me is that once it's over, it's not really over until we lose touch and never see each other again. So lovers can never be friends, in my case. Love is really an irrevocable process. That's why people say it's a risk. I can never see them as friends because everytime I see them, I am reminded of every bit of emotion I have felt, most especially the pain. It's like I can almost feel the wounds open up again. It's difficult enough not to think of the person even without constant communication, what more if there is. When I say 'I will always love you' to a person, you can expect me to stay by those words regardless of the status of the relationship (What can I say, if it's not mad love, it's not love at all). Like what I've read in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", you give them a part of your heart so they will always be a part of you even if they don't mean anything to you now (Or something like that). Sometimes, it kinda sucks that I don't fall out of love easily. First time I was hurt real bad, I got myself into a rebound relationship. It meant absolutely nothing to me, but I thought it will stop the hurting and help sustain my sanity, but when I learned of its consequence, I totally lost it. And I mean I REALLY lost all sanity. I'll spare you of the gorey details. The second one was not that hard, all I had to do was to take my blinders off. Go figure.
Like what they always say to bitter people (not unlike myself), the important thing is you've learned. I just hate the fact that I should learn the hard way. I wish I could learn without getting my heart involved because there really is no other part of the body that when broken, hurts as badly and heals as slowly as the heart. Well, a hurting heart is a loving heart! What really matters is that I have loved and loved the best way I know how.
Next please...
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