What if...

...i was a guy? I remember way back in high school, after performing a skit in front of the class with me playing a guy role (since I had ultra short hair before), a classmate came up to me and told me that if I was a guy, she would have had a crush on me. I did not know how to react because I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a compliment or not. Does it mean I look better if I was a guy? I welcomed the thought just now. What if I really was a guy. Would I be a cool guy? Good guy? Bad boy type? a rocker maybe? If I was a guy, I won't be like any other boring guy. Maybe I would take girls more seriously. My style would probably be like boy-next-door type. Probably I'd play a sport or two. Typical romantic (like I am now). A bit bookish (like I am now). Breathes music (like I do now). A bit rebellious maybe but self-contained. Definitely a hearthrob! (Come on, it's just imaginary anyway!) What type of girls would I like? Hmmm.. maybe girls like me (what can I say, love your own.. well, actually looks more like "love yourself" to me!).

Way way way back when I was still a creature inside my mother's womb, they actually thought I would be a boy because I kept squirming and kicking inside (to my mom's discomfort). Imagine their surprise when I came out without a, uhm, you-know-what. No regrets since I turned out to be a handsome girl after all! When I was in my adolescence, I was comfortable dressing up like a guy, but the rest of me is a girl. Everything changed when I started getting guys' attention (even with my boyish looks, what can I say?!), and so I ended up being a girl after all, and a pretty one at that! (Hey, this is my blog. I can claim to be anything I want). But then again, I think I bond better with guys than I do with girls nowadays. Also, I like music that are not quite defined as girlie. Plus I like PC games that most guys like. And I like speed too, like fast driving. But I really am a girl, inside and out. I like pink, I like clothes and shoes, I like styling my hair, I like romance, and all other girlie stuff. At least when I get to meet the one God has destined for me. He gets the whole package, a guy friend and a girlfriend rolled into one! What more could he ask for?! Ok, I think I better stop before I sound like I'm crazier than I thought I am.

disclaimer: this post is written mainly to boost the author's fast declining self-esteem. The author is not liable for any violent reactions that it may cause the reader.