Loving Beyond Belief

Loving beyond belief
...is like the bottom of the ocean that's never been explored
...or as mysterious as this feeling that we can't just ignore

Loving beyond belief
...is learning to forgive even though you'll never forget the pain
...or holding each other tight while standing in the rain

Loving beyond belief
...is like seeing you beside me in the darkest part of my life
... or cheering me up & giving me hope when i'm donw & out

Loving beyond belief
...is like knowing that you're here loving me without any commitment
...or loving me - even if I love someone else

Stand to Fight

this pain is more than I can bare
i love you so, but fear is always there
i can't stand up & fight for what i feel
coz there's fear that interferes

i dont wanna let you go & set you free
coz i know im the one you wanna be with
but all i can say, this ain't right
when i can no longer stand up & fight

we knew this day will come
i cant say our love is gone
coz we know deep in our hearts & soul,
this love is worth fighting for

im sorry, this tears me into pieces
that i am left with lots of wishes
but before i go, i wanna tell you the truth
i don't wanna love anybody else - but you

Love Underneath

my heart jumped when you said that you love me
my soul was at ease when you said that you cared
my mind was totally at peace, when you held my hand
but still something behind me tells something's bad
it's been a long time since i heard the song of my heart
a very long time since i know i'm in love
but this is the first time I repel to admit
that something inside me can never be perceived
i want to say, "hey i love you too!"
but i find it so hard to say it to you
i don't know what's in me, to hurt myself
or even cause you pain, though i know it's you
well i guess i can't make my broken heart
to accept love when it's still torn apart,
so i guess, i have to say sorry
this love's ain't meant to be

The Magic of Love

when the heart beats for love
you can never fall out of laughs
coz everything seems so fine
everything seems so right!

you will see a different sparkle
a different glow & joy you can utter
you give everyone an inspiration
by unintentionally sharing your emotion

you'll have the very lightest feeling
as if you are in the moon walking
thought it may change in a blink of an eye
at least, love is worth at try!

that's what's so good in falling in love
you'll learn things when it's gone
but the magic is still in the heart
even thought it was all torn apart

bitter love

they say that love is sweet
and it's a treasure to keep
but our love is not eral
infatuation is all we feel

we were so innocent, so fresh
to distinguish love in flesh.
but there's never a second chance
so i guess, it wouldn't last

but what i feel is for real
i miss you so much it screams
that i cant live without your smile

i cant live without your love
they say that love is sweet
but bitterness is all i keep

why did i see your face again
now im drowned with the pain
why did you let my soul cry
by letting me see your sweet smile

if you only knew how hard i tried
just to forget the feelings inside
maybe you'll be that kind enough
to forget about coming back

how can i lock this heart of mine
when you are stucked in my mind
how can i let my sould love again
when im drowned with all this pain

~santi

Love is the Answer

LOVE IS THE ANSWER - Raymond Hannisian


Intro: (Capo 1) D - A7 - GM7 - A7 (2x)

D A/D GM7 D GM7 A7 D A
1. Morning comes and I must go; day is breaking yonder.

Bm F#m GM7 D GM7 A7 D
After all the places I have been, now Im going home.

D A/C# G D/F# Em A7 D
I have been to seek the sky, to travel on the highway

D/C# Bm F#m GM7 F#m
And the time has come, I dont know why

Em A D
Im going home.


REF1:

D A/C# G/B A7 D A/C# G
Where is the answer to so many questions

D/F# Em A
I dont know, so I begin another journey

D A/C# G/A D7 Bm Bm/A D/F#
Where is the meaning for my world

Em A D
I see the answer now.


2. Though we came by diffrent roads, now we walk together.
Stay besiode me all our days, strangers never more.
Through the cool of summer rains, by the heartside fire
Here Ill be with you when nothing remains
I am home to stay.


REF2:

D A/C# G/B A7 D A/C# G
Love is the answer to so many questions

D/F# Em A
Now I know, and I can stop my endless wandring

D A/C# G/A D7 Bm Bm/A D/F#
Love gives the meaning to my world

Em A D
I see the answer now.

D D/C# GM7 A7 D
Love is the Answer.... Love!

A Text Message Was All It Took

un baller. sn ka? daanan ko ngyn. chaka un pasalubong ko.

-last text message received on my now defunct number a few weeks ago... and it was enough to change that mobile number I've had for almost 9 years. By the way, a baller refers to a white "Jordan" baller ID from Nike... Don't know what or who I'm talking about? go figure...

People have scars, in all sort of unexpected places, like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Most of these wounds heal, leaving nothing but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers... - Grey's Anatomy

Yeah, simply put, I got another stitch... I guess I'm starting to be a stitch-junkie... ;P

A Tale of Two Cities (or Countries)

Destination: Malaysia



First thing I observed in Malaysia was their endless stretch of expressways. From above, it looked just like a bunch of christmas lights neatly aligned to form overlapping squares. I would say that Malaysia has a huge land mass, considering that it took us a little over an hour to get to the capital city sans the traffic. They are far from being overpopulated as there's so much land to go around! Anyway, I was able to visit the capital city, Kuala Lumpur where the gleaming glass towers of the 21st century (Petronas Twin Towers) can be found. Unfortunately, I was not able to go up the tower because I was told that around that time (9am), tickets would have already been sold out. Well I guess I'll just have to go back another time then! So I walked off with my tail between my legs and headed to the next big thing, the Kuala Lumpur Tower, which is the fifth tallest tower in the world. This time, I did not pass up the chance to get to the observation deck, even if it cost me RM20. They hand out MP4 players that will serve as your tour guide as you go around the deck. I'd say it was worth it. It's great for tourists like me, who don't have enough time to go on actual tours. The rest of our stay, we dedicated to shopping (Quicksilvr and Roxy brands are cheaper there than here). Malaysia is much like the Philippines. Malay people look no different with Filipinos, except they dress differently because they mostly adapt Muslim clothing. Taxi drivers there don't actually use their meters, but most of them are pleasant (they warned us about snatchers). I wouldn't say the same for bus drivers though. Aside from the native Malay, you'd also see a lot of Chinese and Indian people there. I'd say I haven't seen much of Malaysia (since I've only been there a couple of days) so I would definitely consider revisiting it someday.

Destination: Singapore



It's hard not to fall in love with a place like Singapore. It was just like I always dreamt it to be. First thing I noticed about it (just like what most people said) was that the place looks so clean and organized. I don't believe I saw a single fly or cockroach there (believe it or not!). Their "Carinderias" are known as Hawker centers and the food there are cheap but really delectable. They taste so much like the food served in expensive chinese restaurants here. It's really good food. Even if you eat along the sidewalk, you won't be swarmed with flies. You don't need to worry about transportation because buses and trains abound the place. They are not as crowded and as slow as it is here. Plus the card that you use on the MRT is the same card you can use for the bus. You just tap it in and tap it out, so no need for "kundoktors". It's fun to figure out which bus or train to take to get to your destination (buses are number-coded according to routes while trains are color-coded). It's still fun even if you get lost (I did). I spent more time there than in Malaysia so I was able to go around Singapore river, Merlion Park, Anderson Bridge, Esplanade, Fullerton Hotel, Glutton's bay in one night. One whole day was dedicated to shopping at Bugis Street (cleaner version of Divisoria), Bugis Junction (a small shopping mall), and Sim Lim Square (where there are gadgets-and gizmos-a-plenty at low low prices!). The half of the next day was spent walking around and taking pictures at Sentosa and the other half was spent on shopping at Tampines and at Orchard Road. I really had a fantabulous (fantastic + fabulous) time in Singapore. I like it there, and I hope it likes me to be there too. Hahaha.

It was my grandest vacation so far... and I can hardly wait to take another one! I wish, hope and pray for money to rain down on me so that I can travel a lot lot lot!

"A good traveller has no fixed plan and is not intent on arriving." -Lao Tzu

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page. -St. Augustine

"The use of travelling is to regulate imagination by reality.. -Samuel Johnson

". . .travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living." -Miriam Beard

"The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it." -Rudyard Kipling

I like this quote best: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance - Unknown

Two Years After

you're still in my heart and mind... and we're still missing you... I guess we always will...

I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise.

Who I Want to Meet

Who I Want to Meet:

>An angel who comforts me, takes care of me and makes sacrifices to be with me.
>A protector who will keep me safe from any harm.
>A gallant knight who will fight for me.
>A prince charming who makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful princess he ever saw.
>Someone who can understand me when I get complicated, moody and crazy, all at the same time.
>Someone who loves, respects and accepts EVERYTHING about me.
>Someone who truly knows how to love unconditionally and unselfishly.
>Someone who lets me know his innermost feelings and have always been so honest about everything.
>Someone loyal and wants to be with only me and no one else.
>Someone who knows how to say "no" to temptation, a.k.a. other girls.
>Someone who never makes a promise he couldn't keep.
>Someone heaven-sent who will stand by me, no matter what happens.
>Someone who'd probably be one in a million.
>Someone who is worth spending my life with.
>All of these rolled into one, a someone, I may have already met...

I so love Multiply...

...totally love it that from now on, most of my posts will be made there instead of here.

Of course I would still be posting here, this site sort of has sentimental value to me. This is the first blog that I ever had in my entire life! Although, the stuff that I'll be posting here from now on will only discuss general topics about my life, such as the movies I watch, lyrics of songs I listen to, new stuff I download from the net, most recent purchases, what I did for the day or week or month, what I will do the next day or week or month, usual stuff that any stranger can know. Stuff that won't incriminate me in any way. Stuff that you tell people you just met or people who know nothing about me. Stuff that the public can know. Mostly boring stuff.

All other things such as biased/unbiased opinions, random thoughts, incoherent ramblings, confessions, accusations, sentiments, revelations, rants & raves about love, life, people, person, situation, whatever stuff that only my friends can know... will be posted on Multiply and most probably, shared only to either my network or my contacts. That's what I love about Multiply, you can post almost anything and everything without actually losing much of your privacy. You can actually choose who will be able to view what you posted, could be Everyone, Your Network or Your Contacts or to certain Individuals. That way, I can monitor the people who will view my stuff and let my friends know interesting stuff about my life (if there's any!) while filtering out those people who'd be happier not knowing... Now ain't that just perfect?!

So if you have a Multiply site, you can add me as a contact by going to http://aisevs.multiply.com/ so you can view those incriminating stuff I'm telling you about. Of course, your request to be added would still be subject to my approval.

P.S.
My birthday post for 2007 will be there... ;P

Holy Week at Tagaytay

Everyone is out of town during the Holy Week. While everyone's baking themselves under the sun at the beach, we're cooling off at Tagaytay. We were there from Maundy Thursday til Araw ng Kagitingan. five straight days! When we got there, it was raining and I really love it when it rains there. The wind is cool, the trees look greener and the road looks uhm, fresh. Too bad it only lasted for a day or two. It's really relaxing to stay there. I get to jog in the morning and walk in the evening around the village. After a few days, my legs hurt from walking uphill and downhill. It's the only time I get to exercise. We also went to church (Our Lady of Lourdes) on Saturday evening, and attended the Easter Vigil that lasted for two and a half hours (that's from 9-11:30). On that vigil, we also witnessed a baptism wherein the priest dips the baby into a tub of water thrice. The babies were so cute when they wriggle after being dipped into the water. We also roasted marshmallows and hotdogs, went stargazing (for around 5 minutes), went to market to buy junk food (I really love meringue), watched DVDs and Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy and Prison Break, it was really fun and relaxing. Oh and I spent my birthday there as well, but that would be on another post. =P

Fixed it!

Yet another bonding moment for us cousins. But this time we went on a trip.. to the salon. We were both raving to have that "side-swept" bangs since Saturday, so we went to the mall to get 'em today. I also needed to have my hair color fixed because my ex-stylist left the hair coloring product a little too long that the result was too light for my taste and it looked a little uneven. In other words, it looked bad. And this was the same stylist that gave me a really bad hair day last year that I had to spend thousands to rebond my hair. I went back because was hoping he/she will redeem herself but he/she failed me. I've trusted him/her for years, but that's the last time I'll ever let him/her touch my hair.

We went to four salons before we decided on one that's worth our money. My cousin got her pretty side-swept bangs haircut (and she's real happy about it) while I got a bit longer version of it, plus hair color and hot-oil treatment (and I'm real happy about it too). We spent the whole afternoon there and I had a chit-chat with the stylist's assistant (I don't know how they're actually called) in Bicolano dialect (which I haven't spoken in years). It's good to brush up on that sometimes, it might help you score a discount, you know. So anyway, after almost three hours, we both left the salon looking good and feeling great! That's exactly how each salon trip should be. We're soooo going back! She was raving about her cute side-swept bangs all day long and we were continuously praising each other's looks till we get home. I really love doing stuff to my hair. I don't really know why. Even if we all know they're composed of dead cells, i feel relaxed somehow. Check out our summer look:

Bataan Trip!

My cousin and I tagged along with our moms' aero club summer trip to Bataan. We decided to go because we both haven't been to Bataan, and we didn't have to shed a single cent because we're with our moms! Hehehe. Besides, in a week, it will be Araw ng Kagitingan, and what better way to commemorate it than going to the Dambana ng Kagitingan itself! Perfect time to brush up on history! It was actually the highlight of our trip, we didn't enjoy the trip to their friends' farms that much. Isn't it obvious, most of the pix we're taken there! ;P

300

This is a movie I wouldn't mind watching twice. I got engrossed that I got the game on my PSP and it was nothing short of awesome.

The movie is based on Frank Miller's graphic novel of the same title. Basically, the story's as simple as an army of 300 Spartans going to battle against a thousand Persians. Reason for battle is the usual political conflicts and whatnots. It's visually stimulating. I agree with most of the reviews that says it was like watching a video game in a theater. I watched the movie and played the game. The transition between the two was seamless. If you want to watch the movie because of the battle scenes, you won't go home disappointed. There's plenty of it in the movie. Lots of blood, gore, some nudity. Rated R stuff. I would say everything was very artistically done. I really did appreciate what I saw in this movie. I do not know much about King Leonidas, Sparta, Xerxes and all of them hard-to-spell names before I watched the movie. But somehow after watching, it made me want to know more about them and the story behind what I watched. That's why I don't mind watching it again...

The Space Between

by Dave Matthews Band

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell And hope to keep safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?

These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

Heroes (TV Series)

When I heard about Heroes, I was hesitant to watch it. Mainly because I'm already watching five TV series, namely, Grey's Anatomy, Smallville, Desperate Housewives, One Tree Hill and The OC (plus The Simpsons if you include animated series). I was thinking that once I watch it, it will be harder for me to keep up with the other TV series that I'm watching. But then there was a day, wherein I actually ran out of stuff to download...so I said to myself, what the heck, I'll try one episode... then I got hooked...real bad.

After watching a few more episodes, I totally got addicted and I could no longer stop myself from being a total Heroes junkie. It's different from all the other series I'm watching (except probably Smallville) because it's like Marvel or DC on TV. This instantly became one of my top series of choice (meaning it's prioritized in my download queue). Wikipedia says, "The series tells the story of several people who "thought they were like everyone else... until they woke with incredible abilities" such as telepathy, time travel and flight. These people soon realize they have a role in preventing a catastrophe and saving humankind". Simple and yet captivating. My favorite character so far is Hiro Nakamura (Masi Oka), who has the power to manipulate space-time continuum. His character is quite amusing and he provides the humor in the story. Of course, there are some good-looking characters such as Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia) and the villain Sylar (Zachary Quinto). It's really a must-see for comic fans because it's basically like a comic book that came to life on TV. So much so that Stan Lee made an appearance as a bus driver in episode 16. So if you liked comic book heroes, there's no way you won't like this...

Ghost Rider is Fun

I'm really not a Marvel fan, neither am I a DC fan. I don't really know much about the lives of these characters. One thing I know though, is that I enjoyed watching films about them. Ghost Rider, is no exception.
I've watched this just last night and it's cool! In my opinion, Nicolas Cage portrayed the role of Johnny Blaze quite well. It would have helped if I knew a little more about the legend of the Ghost Rider before I watched the film. Yeah, they tried to establish it in the movie but the relaying could still be improved and a little more information wouldn't hurt (but what the heck do i know, right?) Anyway, what I liked best are the special effects. Flaming skull, the 'transfiguration' of the bike, other scary elements and stuff are not extraordinary but are still kewl. The romance thing was a little half-baked though. The action scenes are quite short and lacks a bit more, uhm, action. It may not be one of the best movies to watch, but it sure is a lot of fun. And that's the reason why I watch movies, to have fun!

I'm Toast! (Literally)

My friends and I went to Puerto Galera last weekend and I my only rant is that I got sunburns all over my back (and some on my front. Hehe). I think it's either due to excessive sun bathing or the sunblock I put on has expired. Hehehe. It's really red and it's so bad that it's painful to sleep lying down or to even put on a simple tee! But anyway, it was all worth it. I wasn't actually going but I changed my mind within the week. The four of us went on ahead last Friday while the rest (meaning 8 more) followed on Saturday then we all stayed until Sunday. I was about to extend my stay until Monday because my other friends were also there. However, the burns were so bad that I don't think it's wise to spend another day under the scorching heat of the sun.

I had a blast! Friday, since there's just four of us, it's not practical to snorkel or to rent a banana boat so after we got a place to stay, we spent most of the day relaxing by the beach (sunbathing day one). Saturday, after breakfast we started baking ourselves at around 9am until noon (sunbathing day two). As soon as the rest of the gang arrived, we rented a banana boat (where I got a nasty bruise) then had our skin painted (I got two for P150) then got a massage (it was my first time to get one and I wasn't that satisfied). I lost my white sundress somewhere along the way. Then, we had a few booze (mindoro sling) and then I hit the sack at around 1am. I bailed out on my friend (who was with another set of friends) just because I was too tired to do anything else. Sunday, we had breakfast then baked ourselves under the sun again from 11am til 1pm (sunbathing day three). We took a dip for a few minutes where the water was really clear and cool (and where we got stung by freaking jellyfishes). The others went snorkeling while we relaxed by the beach. I bought myself another bathing suit, some accessories and some other stuff. We left at 3pm and I got home at 730ish. It was really fun and I enjoyed every moment... except when I got this stupid sunburn! =P

The Way I Am in a Relationship

This is an excerpt from my Relationship IQ Report (it's quite interesting and very detailed, you may want to try it.). They say I have a Relationship IQ of 123. They say "Your Relationship IQ measures what you know about relationships compared to others. It is built off the foundation of the traditional IQ test, where 68% of people who take this test worldwide score between 85 and 115". Turns out I know a lot about relationships compared to others! Hah! Then, they also looked into the four Relationship IQ dimensions: Acceptance, Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Intimacy and Sex. I scored highest on Conflict Resolution. They even discussed each dimension on the report. And yeah, you may find the test at Tickle. (Yup, I know, I have too much time on my hands... and yes, I know it seems that I'm actually starting to believe this thing.)

You, it turns out, are a Supporter in relationships. (I know that didn't sound right... hehehe)

Your passion for life runs through every aspect of your relationship. You are more than a significant other to your significant other. You are their best friend. Relationships are very important to you, and you'll do anything to help out your partner. You're there for them and are willing to pitch in wherever they need help — whether it's cooking a nice meal when they're tired, or helping them with a problem they don't even know they have yet. They can count on you for just about anything and that's what helps make your relationships so strong.

You're incredibly supportive of your partner's dreams and ambitions. Your ability to pay attention to their hopes and desires helps them as they define their goals. And they probably come to rely on that. You're also not afraid to roll up your sleeves and help further their causes — whether canvassing neighborhoods with election posters for your sweetie, showing up for a work function, or taking care of their chores around the house. You're also someone who's probably willing to put aside your hopes and dreams for your partner's. Your kind and giving soul is energized when you see that your support has helped your partner reach their dreams.

But even people as supportive as you get into arguments with their partners. When you do, you may find yourself agreeing with your partner so the discussion will end amicably. It's not that your views have necessarily changed, but you may behave as if they have just to keep the peace. It takes a lot for you to have a spat, but it doesn't take long to kiss and make up. In fact, that's the easiest part of a disagreement for you.

Your playful sexual nature shines through both in and outside the bedroom. Your feelings during sex are important to you, and the art of lovemaking takes the front seat in your relationship. Physical intimacy makes you feel accepted by your lover, and lets you communicate how powerful your emotions are.

You want the same thing that you give to your partner: complete and utter acceptance. You accept your loved one unconditionally, and you want to experience that feeling yourself. Leave the emotional highs and lows for the big screen — you don't want someone who plays games. You appreciate a partner who knows what they want and like, and who is caring and open to you. It's important for you to connect with your partner during sex. You need to feel a bond with your lover, and physical intimacy allows you to express how deep your feelings run.

Your kind and gentle nature can sometimes put you at risk. Some people might find it easy to take advantage of you, and that could make for some uncomfortable situations. Since you're so easygoing, you tend to put on a happy face even when you're upset inside. You'll put up with the conditions, but deep down you're irritated that your significant other has failed to understand you.

What Kind of a Girlfriend am I?

just in case you're wondering... Tickle says I am this:

Aileen, you're a Steady Supporter

Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

Tickle's Inkblot Test

took this test online... interesting results:

Aileen, your subconscious mind is driven most by Kindness

This means you have a deep desire to be kind and fair to others. You may even be preoccupied with finding kindness in the world around you, far more than you realize on a conscious level.

It is possible that the underlying reason you seek kindness in the world around you, is that you fear cruelty, the opposite of kindness. That could drive you to unconsciously project kindness wherever possible into your world. Regardless of its origin, your steadfast adherence to being kind to others is felt by people you are close to.

You are probably more susceptible than others to being overwhelmed by emotions — both yours and others'. It is possible that your unusually empathic nature is a result of your natural sensitivity to others' pain, and your desire to help them avoid it. For this reason, things might affect you more than they affect your friends and family. To protect yourself from too much emotional intensity, you might want to keep an eye out so you can recognize it when it starts. That will allow you to slow things down until you feel grounded again.

Overall, your strong orientation towards kindness gives you an optimistic nature, which translates into you seeing the best in the people around you. Because you're not one to be overly judgmental, others may seek out your company when they need a friend to talk to. People close to you likely know that you care deeply about the inner lives of others and can listen to what they have to say without imposing your views on them.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Kindness, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Surgical Pathology Consultation Report

Here are the results of the excision biopsy:

Gross and Microscopic Description:

Specimen consists of a piece of pink-tan, firm, multinodular tissue measuring 2.5 x 1.7 x 1.2 cm. Cut sections show a white, smooth surface. Surgical margins are inked. Representative sections taken (2, 1 cassette).

sf/bb
----------

Sections show tissue with compactly arranged glands, some of which are cystically dilated and supported by a fibrous and proliferative stroma. In some areas, due to this proliferation, the glands are compressed assuming a slit-like appearance.

Histophatological Diagnosis:
Fibroadenoma and Fibrocystic change

IN LAYMAN'S TERM: nothing to worry about... hehehe.

Follow-up to Stitch Up 2

I've set my alarm for 5:30 AM and it went off right on time. Jan 22, 2007 is the day I go under the knife once again...

Early in the morning, I had an egg sandwich for breakfast, took a shower, and do my rituals like any ordinary day. My mom and I headed for the hospital a few minutes before 7 AM. I submitted my documents and I sat in the waiting room donning their patient's dressing gown, with a name tag on my wrist a few minutes before 8 AM.

While I was in the waiting room, another patient, probably in his mid-40's, came in. He seems to be slightly of Japanese decent. He looks like someone who holds a high position in a company. He sat a seat away from me. Then after a few moments of silence, he started to have conversation with me. I remember his first words were, "You look scared. You should relax." I almost wanted to act on defensive mode and say "I'm not!" but then I stopped myself and told him, "Yeah" and beamed a nervous smile. He's right. I was all nervous. Anything related to hospitals makes me nervous. Even the simplest task of getting my blood pressure scares the sh*t out of me. So our conversation went on, we talked about the procedures we're going to go through. He's gonna get his eyebags fixed because he said it bothers him a lot during meetings. But he won't be going under the knife, he said they're just going to do a laser treatment. That explains why he's not as nervous as I was. Then when he learned the procedure I'm going to go through, he went on and told me what happened to his mom when she was about to undergo the same procedure. He sort of assured me that everything will go fine, just like how it went with his mom. Then one of the staff turned on the TV, the segment was on people who survived cancer. He was quick to say that I shouldn't be watching it and he was kind enough to change the channel for me. His name was called a few minutes later (I think the nurse called him Sir Jay or Jake). Before he was escorted out, he wished me well and told me that he's going to pray for me. I smiled at him and said my thanks. He seemed to be so kind-hearted that I almost wanted him to adopt me. Hehehe.

Anyway, a few minutes later, around 8:30 AM, I was escorted to the operating room. They strapped me to the bed and prepared me for the operation. My doctor and two more doctors who will be assisting him are there. The anesthesia they injected was quick and strong that I almost dozed off. But the doctor seem to want me to keep awake because he always asks me if I'm okay. The procedure only went on for like 5-10 minutes and it's just the stitching up that took long. They stitched and I think, burned the wound because I sort of saw them 'welding' it (if that's the term for that).

Everything went well, the doctor advised me to have two days rest so I was on medical leave for two days. The wound stings sometimes but it's manageable. The stitch was around an inch and a half long. A bit longer than the previous one. The doctor showed me what he removed, and it was bigger than I expected. He told me not to worry, it doesn't seem harmful or anything. We'll see what the final findings will be.

Stitch Up 2

I'm maximizing my health insurance while it lasts so I went to the hospital this week. I'm scheduled to have a minor operation on Monday morning. I'm all nervous about it, like I haven't done this before (Please refer to my Oct 2004 post 'Stitch Up' on http://onthevergeofinsanity.blogspot.com).

Well, it's been well over two years since I had my last operation and it's with a different doctor so nervousness is a valid emotion. The doctor said I need around seven days of rest after the operation, but he said if my work is not that heavy, I could get back after two days. So he wrote a letter advising me to take two days rest. The doctor is a bit older than the one I had before, but he's quite nice. He seems like someone you'd love to chitchat with (maybe we can do that while I'm being sliced open). After that I'll have a sonomammogram. Before I thought of getting the sono before the operation, but when I had it scheduled, earliest slot available is Jan 31st. It's too far so I asked him if he can just operate and then do the sono. He's ok with it so that's what I'm gonna do. I told him I'm really tired of having physical exams because they always find it each time. So benign or not, I want to get rid of it for good. At least now, I can get the biopsy for it. The last doctor who operated on me died an untimely death so I was not able to get back there to get the results. We'll see what comes up...

Snowglobe Update

So far, my collection has improved... from 3 to 7, and counting! Actually, it's supposed to be 8. (Yes, Jay, I'm including the musical snowglobe that you have there... hehehe). Thanks to everyone who has contributed to my collection. It makes it even more precious that you gave them and I will surely treasure them, no matter what... Thanks a lot! (hey, that rhymes!)