Gift to Self

Here's where my 13th month pay will go to:



Yep, I'm finally buying myself one, after thinking about it for six months (and after a few convincing from my friends). Well, it should be worth the wait, plus I think I got a good deal on it. I'm getting it next week... the whole package, the white one with 2 gig memory and games.... I deserve to have this for Christmas, it's the perfect gift for myself and I can hardly wait!!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! What I Want For Christmas!

I'm starting my snow globe/water globe whatever-you-call-it collection a la "My Girl" koreanovela (yeah, I was sort of influenced by it). So far, all I got is three, so since Christmas is coming, you may want to contribute! Hehehe. The big one, I got it from my brother, who got it as a gift from a friend in Paris. The dolphin one on the right was given to my by a friend, while the lavander one with a white star, I bought at Divisoria.

Any snow globe will do, but what I really want is one that has a light or plays music. Preferably Precious Moments ones. I know, that would be more expensive... that's why I'm asking for it as a gift! So all you people out there who owe me a lot, you know what to get me. Hahaha! If you're out of the country, I would also love to get one of these from different countries, so all you jetsetters out there... please get me even just a tinny tiny one as pasalubong. Hahaha. Thanks! Luv yah! :>

Starbucks Planner and Coke Light Journal

After just two weeks, I got my Starbucks Planner! I started on November 5th, and here I am, I got it on November 19th. Beat that! Hahaha.



Of course, I had a lot of help from my friends. I even had a coffee buddy who was willing to buy a cup with me everyday. So I filled the sticker coupon in no time at all.

Last year, I was able to fill out 2 and 3/4 sticker coupons. I gave the second planner to my sister (who by the way didn't use it at all so I won't be giving her the new one anymore). The third one I was planning to give to my cousin, but I wasn't able to fill it because I forgot to bring it one time. But I would've gotten three if I brought the coupon with me. Well, forgetful me.

Oh, I also bought one of their new Holiday tumblers. I bought the gold frosted one with christmas prints on it. Looks really kewl. I bought it, because I gave my old mosaic Starbucks tumbler away and because this particular Starbucks tumbler seem to be speaking to me right from the moment I saw it. I bought it the next day, just so I can say that it was not impulsive buying. (But deep inside, we all know I've acted on impulse once again...)

I think I've become a sucker for them freebies these past few days. Because aside from the Starbucks planner, I also got this Coke Light Journal for free from 7-11.

I heard about this from a friend who wated to get one, but was told that he would need to get a sticker coupon which is only available at Glorietta. He didn't even know where in Glorietta exactly. But lo and behold, I was able to locate the tiny booth by coincidence or maybe by fate! So I sneaked a couple of sticker coupons so I can give the other one to my friend. It was going to end in a matter of two days when I got the coupon, so the next day, I bought six cans of Coke Light and instantly got my journal right away! That's where I wrote this post down!

I don't know, I just like paper so much. I even carry lots of them to work everyday. You can say my bag weighs a ton, with my old and new Starbucks planner and this hard-bound thick Coke light journal. I don't know, I just feel safe with them in my bag. =P

Unregistered SIM

Effective today, my Globe line is finally cut. I was actually expecting it to be cut next month because from where I work, we usually cancel at the end of the billing cycle. I forgot I'm in the Philippines. Tsk, tsk, the things I forget. Unbelievable. Heheheh.

I think it got cut around 11am today. I got a call on the landline and on the cell around that time, probably it was Globe people. But I no longer answer unidentified calls so I let it go. I was trying to access a wapsite and I keep getting Network Unavailable error. I thought they probably are javing a downtime of some sort. So I slept on it and when I woke up, I was surprised not to see any messages waiting to be read. So I tried to text, and as soon as I saw it fail, it dawned on me that my line is cut. I quickly restarted my phone and there it was: Unregistered SIM. Damn it! My unlimited text hasn't even expired yet, not until Saturday midnight! I was hoping to make the switch by Sunday and inform ONLY the people I want to be informed of the switch so as to limit getting unidentified calls from stalkers, or people I just want to forget.

Well, to all Smart subscribers, good luck on being informed! Hahaha!

Keeping My Silence

In a person's life, there comes a point wherein you just get tired of talking about pointless stuff (like what I'm doing now with this post for instance). Especially when people just seem to keep barking at the wrong tree and you just can't seem to make them understand that you're really not the right person to talk to. So even if sometimes they go overboard and cross the line, I know better than to fight back. So instead, I'm keeping my silence. It's the only way to make them stop. Talk to me all you want, just don't expect to get answers. It's not that I'm trying to keep something, it's just that I don't think talking really helps anyone at this point...

P.S.
By the way, to my newest stalker, a word of advice, "Your just afraid" or "Your lame" should be spelled as "You're just afraid" or "You're lame"...

Final Battle

The final battle between Pacquiao and Morales commenced today. Unlike the last fight, I wasn't able to watch it in the mall, so I had to make do with the delayed telecast on local TV. Man, was it disappointing to find out that the game ended in three measly rounds. All the minor fights definitely took longer than that! After all the hype! It ended with just three rounds! They didn't even bother to put up a little show. Good thing I wasn't one of those who bought "golden" tickets (because they're as expensive as gold) to watch the live feed in the cinemas. That would have been a total waste of money. If you asked me, I liked the second fight better than all the three. I don't seem to like Pacman as much either. Everything seems to be going in his head. He's starting to have too much air, in my humble opinion. So I wouldn't actually mind seeing him lose any day soon.

I pity Morales though, when I saw him being knocked down on the third round. Makes me want to hug him. Heheheh... Well, Morales was a good fighter, I must say. For the final battle, my hat is off for the losing end.

Girls and Gays Night Out

Of all the night outs i've been on, this has far been the most unusual one, but nevertheless, FUN. My friend turned a year older last night so we went out to celebrate...

After going to the wake of our common friend's dad, we left there at 1am to go on an educational tour to a different world. Malate. All 6 of us, 3 girls and 3 not-so-guys. But it was obviously their night. Us, three girls, stuck out like a sore thumb. Our three friends got friends all over the place while the three of us stuck together and sat quietly in the corner.

It was such an eye-opener, that their population is that great nowadays. It seems unbelievable how easily they can get someone to hook up with, while us girls are having a hard time trying to catch one decent guy. Surprisingly, most of the guys there don't even look like they're gay. There are not much cross-dressers, that if you don't have an eye for it, you won't even know he's gay. Luckily, they somehow trained our eyes how to differentiate a gay guy and a straight one. I just wish that the cute ones will turn straight someday soon! We're running out of cute guys!

All in all, I can say it was different, but being with gay people really makes you... well, gay! By that i meant, happy. I don't think there's a sad second when you're with them. We're not even that closely knit and it was the first time for all of us to go out together, but it seemed like we knew each other for ages. Definitely one of the nights to remember. Thanks Dan, Karl, Brent, Kers and Jeng! Sa uulitin! =P

"It Only Hurts" by Default

Can hold my breath only for a little while 'til reality starts sinking in
once again i'm settling for second best turn the pages skip to the end
to where i swore that i would try since the last time i crossed that line in the back of my mind i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

miles away promise from a burning bed two worlds should never collide
one word would end it if you ever heard tear the page out that reminds me
when i swore that i'd be strong now the next time has come and gone well maybe i'm wrong i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

i know what your feeling it's hard to believe in someone, someone who's not there
i know that your waiting 'cause love is worth saving but only for so long, so long, so long

i swore that i would try since the last time, the last time

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

Unwanted Publicity

Whoever is spamming everyone with a link to my blogspot... thanks, but no thanks. I don't really know what your point is, but I think I'll be fine without your help...

A Week Long Illness

As expected, it took its toll on my health... I got ill for a week last week. Temperature ranged from normal to 39.5 degrees. I've been coughing non-stop... and on the latter days, I couldn't breathe through my nose. I already went to the hospital twice. I had my blood tested twice. I had a total of three xrays. They found something in my xray that was at first, suggestive of Tuberculosis. But later on after the third film, they said it seems normal after all. Blood tests showed that the main cause of sickness is viral. My platelet count was at 155. I was supposed to get it recounted yesterday to rule out Dengue. However, the last time I was there, I waited 2 long hours for the results that I developed a fever while I was waiting. My body was too weak to even wait for results, so I didn't go back anymore...

I'm still recuperating... not fully recovered yet, but getting better by the day... I'll be up and running again in no time...

Too Much, Too Soon...

Last week has been the most interesting week I've had this year...

The ninth of October marked our fifth month together. Never did i thought that it would also mark the end of a relationship that I thought would work out fine. One revelation from someone I never knew existed in his life. He did one mistake and one mistake was all it took. One irrevocable mistake and my world crumbled into pieces. One mistake that shattered all our dreams. I was deeply and immensely hurt and I have no choice but to deal with the pain...

While in the course of dealing with the pain over five bottles of beer, another revelation had me shed another bucket of tears. It has something to do with someone in the past. Someone that no longer lives in the present, except in my heart. One of my closest friends revealed that they had spoken one night. He was told that he had plans for me. Plans for our future together. He said he was going to start saving for the future that I have always dreamed about. Again, it was painful to know. It hurts to realize that it was a future we will never have, now that he's gone. I could have been the happiest person in the world, but instead I'm this. Broken. Shattered. Lost. Miserable.

My head has been floating around for over a week now... and I don't think it will come around any time soon. My body feels so heavy and my head so light. Right now, I don't think it is possible for me to feel whole again any time soon... I'm not even sure, if I'll ever feel whole again... everything just seems to be too much for me to handle... it's all too much, too soon...

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Will It Ever End?

Which do you think hurts the most: To suddenly lose someone you love so much or to be betrayed by someone you trusted so much? Actually, it really doesn't matter, because I don't get to choose. I get to have them both...

I must have been Hitler in my past life to deserve such pain and misfortune. As far as I know, I've been a good person and I've been trying to be better each day. And I'm not doing it just so other people I don't even know can accuse me of things that I did not do or am not even aware of. I have never antagonized anyone in my life. Ask any of my friends and family, they know what kind of a person I am and they have every right to judge me only because they know exactly who I am.

There's only so much pain that I can take. I am not numb. I just wish that some people know that I'm not a bottomless pit for pain. I just wish that sometimes, they would learn to think before they speak... the way I'm trying to learn it right now...

I think I've been hurt more than enough, so please if you got nothing better to do with your life... just make sure you keep out of mine...

Act Naturally by Semisonic

Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can’t hide
It’s growing like a tangled vine & rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you, nothing I could do
Everybody sees you taking control of me
Well I’m not begging for release
I’m just begging darling please, please

Act naturally
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt

Our little problem doesn’t seem to be about to go away
As far as I can tell it’s gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look, yeah, that was all it took
I can’t help believing they can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight till we figure how to make it right
I don’t know what I should but i
Would do it if I could

Act naturally
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(act naturally)
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt
Act naturally (remove this line)
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down

In My Dreams

September 21, 2006 - I got to hug Bubu in a dream today. I did not see his face, but I know it was him. He was wearing a white shirt and at first, I doubted if he was real because, in the dream, we all sort of know that he's gone. So I touched his arms first and when he felt real, I hugged him as tightly as I could. It was only for a few seconds, but the feeling lasted til I woke up.

 

This is the last dream I was able to remember after a long long time, and I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I forgot it when I woke up. But I did dream and I did remember. The moment I woke up, I instantly felt mixed emotions. Overwhelmed with joy because I was able to be with him. Then sadness overcame when I realize it can only happen in my dreams. All feelings rushed back just like when he was still alive. I desperately asked God to give him back, in any way or in any form... but deep inside I know, dreaming will be the only way for me to see him again.

 

I know you may think it's unfair for the person I am with, but I think he has somehow accepted the fact that part of my heart will always be with him. That he will always have to share it with him. I'm sure he knows it, I'm sure he has accepted that fact and I'm sure he respects it... and I'm gonna really love him for that.

LSS

Nakapagtataka
(J. Paredes)

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking
pag-iisip
Mula nang tayo'y nagpasyang
maghiwalay
Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayobagay
Nakapagtataka,oh.

Kung bakit ganito ang aking
kapalaran
Di ba't ilang ulit ka nang
nagpaalam
At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka

Chorus:
Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Bridge:
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Walang tigil ang ulan
at nasaan ka, araw
Napano na'ng pag-ibig sa isa't
isa
Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asa
Nakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.oohh

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Bad Hair Day

Don't you just hate a really bad haircut? I got possessed last Sunday and decided to change my 'do' all of a sudden. I think the stylist was possessed as well because she turned my hair into a wig in no time. It was totally hideous, I can't even bare to see my reflection in the mirror. It totally looked like a wig, especially when I'm fresh out of bed. I looked like a lion with a seriously unmanageable mane.

I was so desperate to get it fixed, right the next day I went to a salon at the mall. Right then and there, they basically rejected my hair and refused to do anything to it. I gave it another try the next day, and I got nothing. Unbelievable. That's how bad it is.

So by Wednesday, I was already so frustrated and desperate to have my hair fixed, I was willing to pay loads of money to get it done. I asked around six different salons for a quotation and they all gave me a four-digit sum except for one. I was a bit skeptic on that one salon. My hair got to its present condition because I refused to spend a huge amount on it. So I decided to go with the lowest four-digit sum that was offered to me. The salon's name is a bit reassuring too, First Aid Salon. My hair seriously needs all the first aid it can get. So after more than four grueling hours, having two stylists work on my hair and spending a whole lot of money... my hair got better. True to their name, they were able to bring it back to life! I just hope it will last long enough for me to think that it was money well-spent...

Saved Customer

Got a call today from Globe, it was regarding my request to cancel the service with them. As I have expected, they offered me something special to keep me as their customer and they got me with their "this is something we don't usually offer on the Hub" spiel.

But it's true! I got a plan which is lower than my G-Flex 800 bill plan. On Globe's Hub, G-Flex 800 was the lowest plan for G-Flex Subscriptions. What you can usually get for lower than P800 is their G-Text Plan for P500 which is fixed with 500 texts and 20 minutes free call. But I was offered the P500 all-consumable plan with 150 free texts. So it's just like I'm loading 500 bucks a month on my phone. I can still use Unlimitxt, according to the guy, and I'm not tied to any term commitment so I can try it for a month or so and then cancel it if I don't like it. It sounded like a great deal so I accepted the offer.

So turns out I'm still keeping my number. Now what am I gonna do with my old active prepaid SIM? Hmmm... what can one person do with an anonymous number... **cue evil laugh** >=P

Tightening the Belt

Sigh... I'm contemplating on cutting off my cellphone line... I think I'm not using it enough for me to keep it. What with the unlimited text and all, I think it's way cheaper for me to go pre-paid. I don't make that much calls anymore. I don't text that much as well, save for some forwarded messages. So what I do to make most of my plan is access the net through WAP or download Java games. But then my phone has limited storage space so I end up deleting them after some time. I like the luxury of having uninterrupted service, but I don't think it's all worth it. It's a waste of my hard-earned moolah.

I've had this number for 4 years now I think, and like all things which have been dear to me, it won't be easy for me to let go of it. It's not that I don't want to go through the hassle of texting everyone my new number (or should I say old number, since I've had it ever since Globe came into existence. Way back when texting was free and unlimited). It's not that I hate to experience running out of load when I need it most. It's just that I don't want to part with the messages I have stored in that SIM. If I forward them, the name of the original sender of the message won't be there (call me sentimental). I know it won't get lost even if it loses the signal, I just don't want to part with it or run the risk of losing it... but of course, I have to move on. I'll let everyone know once I've changed numbers... Globe subscribers will be prioritized...sorry! heheheh...

Now since I had the line for so long, I basically forgot how to load or check for balance or how to load it with unlimited text. I did something really embarassing the other day. I went to a store and inquired if they have unlimited text for Globe prepaid subscribers. The girl said they don't have such thing. I thought they have a special prepaid card preloaded with unlimited text feature, much like Sun's Unlimited Call and Text. I was so sure it exists that I even asked the girl if she was sure. Of course she said she was sure. Then I found out that all you have to do is to load the regular prepaid card and then text to have the unlimited text feature activated. I was so embarassed I ended up buying nothing and said an alibi that I can Pasaload on my own with my line... just to get myself out of their sights and as far away from the store as possible. I am soo not going back there. And I don't know why I'm even telling this embarassing story to the world...

Anyhoo, I'm also thinking of having my highspeed internet cut off. But then, I think I would need it when all the new seasons of my favorite series' comes in. Having it cut off will get me out of the loop. I guess I'll just change providers, because SmartBro is not really that, uhm, smart... I got cut off my internet because my activation key expired. I've paid my bill (though not in time), yet I'm still without service. I tried to call them 10 times the other day and everytime I reach a person I get a choppy line. Because I was so desperate at that time, I tried to email through my cellphone. Perhaps it was not my day, because the email servers apparently were down. So as soon as my term with them expires, I'm changing providers...

So.. what else can I cut off? One of my credit cards perhaps? Hmmmm... NAAAH! =P

Flashbacks

We're fond of doing flashbacks... we try to recall what transpired the last time we were together... he said its purpose was to helps us look forward to the next time we'll be together again... I just did one today...

I finally had the courage to watch "If Only" for the second time and I had to say that I shouldn't have watched it with my mom around. I was choking back tears all through out the movie but the moment when his favorite song came in, I wasn't able to hold it back. Luckily I had my back towards her so I let it flow. The feeling is entirely different the last time I watched it. I cried the first time I saw it because I kept my focus on the story. I cried now because it felt so much like a flashback and I remember everything that happened more than a year ago and how I felt at that time and how different it is to what I feel now... but I am very grateful that I was able to spend that time with him on his last day on earth. Even more thankful that they were all happy moments... much like it was on the movie...

Last Sunday, a mass was celebrated for his first death anniversary. His friends and family were there. Honestly, I was a bit reluctant to go because I was going there alone. I was scared that I might feel a bit out of place. I knew it could happen, but not with a family like his. Just like before, I instantly felt I was part of the family. I obviously love talking about him, and so I know I was with the best people to be around with. People who took care of him, who loved him, who grew up with him and really knew him well. They even invited me to have lunch at their Lola's house which was the place where he came from before the accident. The minute we got there, I started imagining. I imagined his car was the last one in the driveway, blocking the other cars, like he said. Soon as I got inside, I recognized the place from the last MMS he sent. I imagined where he was while I was calling him. I imagined him there. On the way home, they showed me what type of truck he hit and the exact location where it happened. I'd have to say that the whole day, I was slightly detached from the world. My mind was busy creating an alternate reality... I was busy doing flashbacks... which I reckon I'll be doing same day next year... and the years after that...

His dad and I got into a small talk. He did some flashback himself. He recalled the times they ate lunch together and the times wherein they are the only people in the house. He remembered the time he let Bujing drive his car for the first time on his prom night. He knew how important prom night is for him that's why he let him have the car for a night. Then he said Bujing went home later than he had expected. When he finally got home, he was looking all pale and sweaty. Turns out the car got hit by a jeepney and the damage the car received was anything but mild. He said it was the first... and last time he let him drove his car. He said he lived through that accident because that wasn't his time. The accident he was in a year ago, that was clearly his time to go. It almost seemed he knew it was going to happen. It explained why he never decided to settle down, why he never really saved up much for himself, why he was busy going from one place to another that particular night, why he left alone even if he said he'd give his cousins a ride home and a lot more... But as for me, it still doesn't make any sense. Don't get me wrong, I have accepted what happened, but I still don't understand why it had to. Well, not yet anyway. But I'm still hoping that maybe someday I will...