I can't believe how barbaric USA can be. Either that, or they just don't understand that if we don't pull out our troops, it'll be Angelo dela Cruz's head. Don't tell me that they'd rather that an innocent man get killed than withdraw from the battlefield. I remember a documentary that I watched at Wowow channel yesterday. The title is "Bowling for Columbine", which talks about the Columbine shooting and other violent shootings that happened in the US. There was even one school shooting wherein a six-year old kid shot his classmate to death. Really disturbing. The director, Michael Moore, even showed how virtually unsafe Americans feel compared to Canadians. Canadians do not lock their doors (even at night) and do not own as much guns as Americans do. In America, they have an average of three locks on their doors and everybody owns a gun. Before, you can even buy as much ammos as you want in K-mart (K-mart did something about it though, I think they phased out their handgun ammos). The point is that Canadians don't kill each other as much as Americans do. It really IS a jungle out there. For them, violence is an answer. Well, at least their president thinks so.
So much about that... Today is my father's birthday. He's turning 60 and he's still in abroad (Saudi Arabia to be exact). I miss having a real father figure in the house. It's the shoes that nobody else can fill in but your dad. It really sucks that he has to work there. If I would have a family of my own, I would never let that happen. If he wants to work abroad, well, he has to take me (and the kids) with him! I know my parents really sacrificed a lot for all our sakes, and I really appreciate that. It just makes me sad that my dad didn't get to see as grow up or even get to know us deeply. Soon my brother will get married, and they didn't even had the chance to have a real father-and-son bonding. It just makes my heart break into a million pieces in sympathy with him. I couldn't really remember but maybe when I was a child, I would get shy around him like I would to a stranger. It would take me days before I get used to being around him. And when I'm finally used to it, he has to go away again for another two years. It really has affected my personality in a way. Maybe it explains why I feel more relaxed around my guy friends than around girls. I also tend to open up more to guys than I do to girls. I miss having a dad.
Another thing that I miss.. is crying. I miss having a real good cry. I miss shedding a bucket of tears. Maybe because I have been so used to doing it before, and somehow I liked the feeling that an after-cry brings to the point of missing it. The last good cry I've had was late last year I think. Now that I don't really have any reason to cry anymore, I kinda miss it. Although in my dream last night, I got a chance to cry a lot. But I guess in real life, I just have to save my tears for a worthy cause. I tell you, even if you're no masochist, pain can really be part of happiness sometimes. That was probably why I have let myself be taken for granted a few times, no, make that a lot of times, before. But I realized how wrong it was, how unfair it seems and how violated I felt. So I've tried to move on but in the process, I started to have difficulty trusting people. I became a fan of Fox Mulder's motto: Trust No One. Perhaps someday someone would teach me how to trust again (and never break it), but until that someday, I guess I would have to try to do it on my own.
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