Year-Ender Post 2006

It's almost the end of the year and since I'll be spending New Year's Eve in our house in Tagaytay and I am fully booked for tomorrow, now will be the perfect time to wrap up the whole year into another measly year-ender post... But before I start, let's travel back in time and take a quick look at my previous year ender posts:

Year-Ender Post 2004

"The year is closing to an end... and I just couldn't help getting all emotional about it... I just wasted another year of my life. I did nothing in this year that I should be proud of. All I did was to make all the wrong decisions and deal with its endless consequences. Honestly speaking, I'm tired of taking the same bull* everyday... for a year! But I've no one else to blame but me (and that's the saddest part of all!) I know, this may seem like another one of my bitter entries, but it's really the only way I could get by. Or else, I'd go crazy. Besides, it's not like I forced you to read this, right? But anyway, I hope the year ahead will be much better than this one. I'm gonna wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Try to straighten up my crooked life. Wish it was that easy to do."

Year-Ender Post 2005

"I would have really wanted to sum up the year with a really long year-ender post... recounting the events that happened, lessons learned, people met, people lost, etc. And then write another really long year-starter post... about hope for tomorrow, new years resolution, plans, dreams, wishes, etc.... but my enthusiasm to write sort of vanished... so I'll just roll them up in one really short post.

It wasn't really much of a good year... That's it! Year-ender post, summed up in one sentence!

And as for my Year-starter post... given the fact that it wasn't really much of a good year... and so why in the world would I think that this year would be any different?!?!?"

In my opinion, on Year Ender Post 2004, I sounded pathetic... while on Year Ender Post 2005, I sounded drunk... made me think how will I sound this year... so to prevent history from repeating itself, let me start off by asking the right questions to myself: What are the major things that happened on my 23rd year on earth? Did I even learn a freakin' thing out of it? Did I somehow manage to make more friends than enemies this year? Did I even do anything to be proud of? Overall, how did the year 2006 went for me?

The year started with me being sort of promoted to level three work, which consequently made me earn a bit more than last year. It was a whole new experience for me and I did learn a lot from it. It was rewarding at first, until later this year, it got kinda old. Early on the year, I was able to buy a new phone and left my old one with a heavy heart. I was on blog-leave for a while. I had a great four-day long birthday celebration. I had a loser-y summer and was only able to go to Galera. I turned into a Prison Break and Grey's Anatomy fan. I had an urge to buy PSP mid-year and only decided to get one before the year came to a close. Of course, I made a bunch of mistakes, always, one after the other. And as expected, I got all dramatic about it. I met someone who made me happy for a while and then let's not talk about that... Got rid of my braces and moved on to retainers. I miss bubu once in a while (still do). I finally got rid of my Globe plan which I had for three or four years. So I went back to the number I had for 8 years. I had a really bad hair cut but got it fixed in no time but with lots of money. I got really ill for a full week or so. My personal space started to be invaded by complete strangers. I got accused of something I'm not or I never did or I'm not to be blamed about. I started my snowglobe collection with a little help from my friends. I made a lot of friends, but I honestly never considered anyone an enemy. I've always been understanding and I know how to see beyond the actions. I may question people for what they do, but I never blame them for it.

Most important thing that happened this year? I have learned. To be strong. To trust no one but myself. To never explain to anyone. To stop being kind to everyone except to those who deserve it. To be wise and not stupid or blinded by anything. To stop deceiving myself. To live up to my own decisions. To enjoy life. To live the life I wanted.

Honestly, I learned a lot this year. Most of them are important things in life. I feel really lucky to have survived this year. I am lucky that I was able to get out of a really ugly situation without a bruise, while others had no choice but to live with it and be content with hearing lies. I know better than to live a life full of lies. I am happy to know the things I know and be able to do the things that I want to do. Life is good. I think I'm all set for 2007. Bring it on.

No Explanations

Who would have thought that someone really close to you could betray you for something so trivial and then cause such negative effect in your life... and that person couldn't have chosen a more perfect time to do it. A few days before Christmas is just about right. That person thinks her actions won't hurt anyone, but what she didn't know was that it had a ripple effect. People that that person don't even know personally has already been gravely affected... of course, mine sustained most of the damage.

Consequently, it pushed me into a corner... and so I have no other choice but to sacrifice the things that I've held on to for so long. I guess its the only way to shut them all out. I came to a point where I've let other people take control of me. I've basically been bound and gagged. Now, I want to be free. I'm just tired of it all and I wanna be left alone for once in my life. To be away from disapproving stares, hushed whispers and judgmental thinking that I know I don't deserve. And finally, to stop being the cause of such drama.

But enough of that crap, I won't explain anything to anyone for two reasons. My true friends won't need it and the rest won't believe it anyway. So if I say it's not true, I don't need to explain it nor do I need to convince you to believe it. Take it or leave it. The conversation begins and ends there. Choose your side.

After this storm, I will have learned to live by these words: "It doesnt matter what other people think or say... you don't live to please them... what matters is, you've made the most of what you have, you had fun, you learned from what you've done and you've lived thru it all despite the gossips and intrigues. That's being real... just live a life fearless of other people's shadow..."

Confused? So am I. But like I said, I don't owe anyone explanations... I'm just letting the demons out before the new year comes...

Guess Who Stole Christmas?

Each year, it's starting to become a tradition to be visited by a Grinch who never fails to ruin my Christmas... Of course, I don't want to post something so negative on a day that's supposed to be merry and bright so I wrote this in my journal first before I actually posted this, just to let the inner demons out.

This year, the Grinch was someone I least expect him to be. The person created such stir and such chaos that it affected other people as well. The fire widely spread itself uncontrollably and caused irreparable damage. I feel sorry for the people who got affected by it. But mostly, I feel sorry for myself that I wasn't able to contain it before it went too far. Now is just a tad too late.

I'm at the end of my rope. It has happened far too many times that if it ever happened again, I'll be at my wits' end. So to end it, I got to make myself less and less visible, until they don't see me at all anymore...

Greetings!

Whatever is good and kind -
whatever is true and real and kind.
Whatever spins and moves us
and sparkles in the world and shines...
Whatever is fine and honest and certain as friendship...
Whatever is good...
We honor these things in our hearts...
and celebrate their light at Christmas time.

Attention: Gift-Givers

Okay! I already got early Christmas gifts! 2 snow globes from early birds! (Pun intended. Hahah) You know who you guys are. Thanks a lot! It means a lot to me. Somehow it proves that this blog still has a use... Hahaha.

So anyway, since I don't think everyone has enough time to find really really cute snow globes and not much is available in the market. Being the understanding person I am, I decided to widen up your choices a bit . I came up with a list of other stuff you can give as alternative. It's not that I'm imposing, but... okay, I probably am! So aside from snow globes, the following gifts will also be very much appreciated:

1. Games for my PSP - it does not need to be the original UMD, unless you own Datablitz or something. I can make do with ISO files. Save it in a disc or wherever.

2. Memory Stick Duo 2GB or more (still for my PSP) - of course, more storage space, the better.

3. PSP Accessories - to pimp my PSP. Okay, enough of PSP stuff...

4. LeSportsac or Nike Hand or Tote Bag - not the small one, but not too big either. Just make sure that my Starbucks planner and Coke Light journal and kikay kit will fit just right. You can expect it to be heavy, so make sure it's sturdy... hehehe.

5. DVD Burner - I'm running out of space to place CDs that can only hold 2 episodes a piece. Of course, if you can give me a DVD burner, why don't you throw in some DVD-Rs as well. You know, just for the heck of it. Hehehe.

6. Lotsa Post-It's - I already said on my previous post how much I love paper so I don't need to explain further...

7. Bath and Body Works Lotion - I can't live without lotion but I'd like to try another scent and steer away from Cucumber Melon for a while. Maybe Apple or cotton something or Lemongrass Sage. I didn't like Body Shop's Lotion that much because settling easily occurs especially when you leave it at below room temperature.

Hmmm... I think I ran out of ideas... But don't fret, I'll keep adding more to the list as soon as I think of something... I'll stop at 10 and I'll think of less expensive ones for cheapskates... hehehe...

Starbucks Planner Part Two

HAH! I have completed yet another Starbucks sticker card... just two weeks after I finished my first one! Of course, I don't need two planners... and I'm feeling mighty generous this season of giving so I'm going to give it away. Sorry, it's not up for grabs, this one already has an owner, and so will the next one I'm getting after this. I sort of already promised them that I'll get them a planner. Maybe after that, I can raffle it off or something... Let's see how many planners I can get... and how much hard-earned money I can waste on coffee! Hahaha...

Gift to Self

Here's where my 13th month pay will go to:



Yep, I'm finally buying myself one, after thinking about it for six months (and after a few convincing from my friends). Well, it should be worth the wait, plus I think I got a good deal on it. I'm getting it next week... the whole package, the white one with 2 gig memory and games.... I deserve to have this for Christmas, it's the perfect gift for myself and I can hardly wait!!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! What I Want For Christmas!

I'm starting my snow globe/water globe whatever-you-call-it collection a la "My Girl" koreanovela (yeah, I was sort of influenced by it). So far, all I got is three, so since Christmas is coming, you may want to contribute! Hehehe. The big one, I got it from my brother, who got it as a gift from a friend in Paris. The dolphin one on the right was given to my by a friend, while the lavander one with a white star, I bought at Divisoria.

Any snow globe will do, but what I really want is one that has a light or plays music. Preferably Precious Moments ones. I know, that would be more expensive... that's why I'm asking for it as a gift! So all you people out there who owe me a lot, you know what to get me. Hahaha! If you're out of the country, I would also love to get one of these from different countries, so all you jetsetters out there... please get me even just a tinny tiny one as pasalubong. Hahaha. Thanks! Luv yah! :>

Starbucks Planner and Coke Light Journal

After just two weeks, I got my Starbucks Planner! I started on November 5th, and here I am, I got it on November 19th. Beat that! Hahaha.



Of course, I had a lot of help from my friends. I even had a coffee buddy who was willing to buy a cup with me everyday. So I filled the sticker coupon in no time at all.

Last year, I was able to fill out 2 and 3/4 sticker coupons. I gave the second planner to my sister (who by the way didn't use it at all so I won't be giving her the new one anymore). The third one I was planning to give to my cousin, but I wasn't able to fill it because I forgot to bring it one time. But I would've gotten three if I brought the coupon with me. Well, forgetful me.

Oh, I also bought one of their new Holiday tumblers. I bought the gold frosted one with christmas prints on it. Looks really kewl. I bought it, because I gave my old mosaic Starbucks tumbler away and because this particular Starbucks tumbler seem to be speaking to me right from the moment I saw it. I bought it the next day, just so I can say that it was not impulsive buying. (But deep inside, we all know I've acted on impulse once again...)

I think I've become a sucker for them freebies these past few days. Because aside from the Starbucks planner, I also got this Coke Light Journal for free from 7-11.

I heard about this from a friend who wated to get one, but was told that he would need to get a sticker coupon which is only available at Glorietta. He didn't even know where in Glorietta exactly. But lo and behold, I was able to locate the tiny booth by coincidence or maybe by fate! So I sneaked a couple of sticker coupons so I can give the other one to my friend. It was going to end in a matter of two days when I got the coupon, so the next day, I bought six cans of Coke Light and instantly got my journal right away! That's where I wrote this post down!

I don't know, I just like paper so much. I even carry lots of them to work everyday. You can say my bag weighs a ton, with my old and new Starbucks planner and this hard-bound thick Coke light journal. I don't know, I just feel safe with them in my bag. =P

Unregistered SIM

Effective today, my Globe line is finally cut. I was actually expecting it to be cut next month because from where I work, we usually cancel at the end of the billing cycle. I forgot I'm in the Philippines. Tsk, tsk, the things I forget. Unbelievable. Heheheh.

I think it got cut around 11am today. I got a call on the landline and on the cell around that time, probably it was Globe people. But I no longer answer unidentified calls so I let it go. I was trying to access a wapsite and I keep getting Network Unavailable error. I thought they probably are javing a downtime of some sort. So I slept on it and when I woke up, I was surprised not to see any messages waiting to be read. So I tried to text, and as soon as I saw it fail, it dawned on me that my line is cut. I quickly restarted my phone and there it was: Unregistered SIM. Damn it! My unlimited text hasn't even expired yet, not until Saturday midnight! I was hoping to make the switch by Sunday and inform ONLY the people I want to be informed of the switch so as to limit getting unidentified calls from stalkers, or people I just want to forget.

Well, to all Smart subscribers, good luck on being informed! Hahaha!

Keeping My Silence

In a person's life, there comes a point wherein you just get tired of talking about pointless stuff (like what I'm doing now with this post for instance). Especially when people just seem to keep barking at the wrong tree and you just can't seem to make them understand that you're really not the right person to talk to. So even if sometimes they go overboard and cross the line, I know better than to fight back. So instead, I'm keeping my silence. It's the only way to make them stop. Talk to me all you want, just don't expect to get answers. It's not that I'm trying to keep something, it's just that I don't think talking really helps anyone at this point...

P.S.
By the way, to my newest stalker, a word of advice, "Your just afraid" or "Your lame" should be spelled as "You're just afraid" or "You're lame"...

Final Battle

The final battle between Pacquiao and Morales commenced today. Unlike the last fight, I wasn't able to watch it in the mall, so I had to make do with the delayed telecast on local TV. Man, was it disappointing to find out that the game ended in three measly rounds. All the minor fights definitely took longer than that! After all the hype! It ended with just three rounds! They didn't even bother to put up a little show. Good thing I wasn't one of those who bought "golden" tickets (because they're as expensive as gold) to watch the live feed in the cinemas. That would have been a total waste of money. If you asked me, I liked the second fight better than all the three. I don't seem to like Pacman as much either. Everything seems to be going in his head. He's starting to have too much air, in my humble opinion. So I wouldn't actually mind seeing him lose any day soon.

I pity Morales though, when I saw him being knocked down on the third round. Makes me want to hug him. Heheheh... Well, Morales was a good fighter, I must say. For the final battle, my hat is off for the losing end.

Girls and Gays Night Out

Of all the night outs i've been on, this has far been the most unusual one, but nevertheless, FUN. My friend turned a year older last night so we went out to celebrate...

After going to the wake of our common friend's dad, we left there at 1am to go on an educational tour to a different world. Malate. All 6 of us, 3 girls and 3 not-so-guys. But it was obviously their night. Us, three girls, stuck out like a sore thumb. Our three friends got friends all over the place while the three of us stuck together and sat quietly in the corner.

It was such an eye-opener, that their population is that great nowadays. It seems unbelievable how easily they can get someone to hook up with, while us girls are having a hard time trying to catch one decent guy. Surprisingly, most of the guys there don't even look like they're gay. There are not much cross-dressers, that if you don't have an eye for it, you won't even know he's gay. Luckily, they somehow trained our eyes how to differentiate a gay guy and a straight one. I just wish that the cute ones will turn straight someday soon! We're running out of cute guys!

All in all, I can say it was different, but being with gay people really makes you... well, gay! By that i meant, happy. I don't think there's a sad second when you're with them. We're not even that closely knit and it was the first time for all of us to go out together, but it seemed like we knew each other for ages. Definitely one of the nights to remember. Thanks Dan, Karl, Brent, Kers and Jeng! Sa uulitin! =P

"It Only Hurts" by Default

Can hold my breath only for a little while 'til reality starts sinking in
once again i'm settling for second best turn the pages skip to the end
to where i swore that i would try since the last time i crossed that line in the back of my mind i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

miles away promise from a burning bed two worlds should never collide
one word would end it if you ever heard tear the page out that reminds me
when i swore that i'd be strong now the next time has come and gone well maybe i'm wrong i know

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

i know what your feeling it's hard to believe in someone, someone who's not there
i know that your waiting 'cause love is worth saving but only for so long, so long, so long

i swore that i would try since the last time, the last time

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door
gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken

Unwanted Publicity

Whoever is spamming everyone with a link to my blogspot... thanks, but no thanks. I don't really know what your point is, but I think I'll be fine without your help...

A Week Long Illness

As expected, it took its toll on my health... I got ill for a week last week. Temperature ranged from normal to 39.5 degrees. I've been coughing non-stop... and on the latter days, I couldn't breathe through my nose. I already went to the hospital twice. I had my blood tested twice. I had a total of three xrays. They found something in my xray that was at first, suggestive of Tuberculosis. But later on after the third film, they said it seems normal after all. Blood tests showed that the main cause of sickness is viral. My platelet count was at 155. I was supposed to get it recounted yesterday to rule out Dengue. However, the last time I was there, I waited 2 long hours for the results that I developed a fever while I was waiting. My body was too weak to even wait for results, so I didn't go back anymore...

I'm still recuperating... not fully recovered yet, but getting better by the day... I'll be up and running again in no time...

Too Much, Too Soon...

Last week has been the most interesting week I've had this year...

The ninth of October marked our fifth month together. Never did i thought that it would also mark the end of a relationship that I thought would work out fine. One revelation from someone I never knew existed in his life. He did one mistake and one mistake was all it took. One irrevocable mistake and my world crumbled into pieces. One mistake that shattered all our dreams. I was deeply and immensely hurt and I have no choice but to deal with the pain...

While in the course of dealing with the pain over five bottles of beer, another revelation had me shed another bucket of tears. It has something to do with someone in the past. Someone that no longer lives in the present, except in my heart. One of my closest friends revealed that they had spoken one night. He was told that he had plans for me. Plans for our future together. He said he was going to start saving for the future that I have always dreamed about. Again, it was painful to know. It hurts to realize that it was a future we will never have, now that he's gone. I could have been the happiest person in the world, but instead I'm this. Broken. Shattered. Lost. Miserable.

My head has been floating around for over a week now... and I don't think it will come around any time soon. My body feels so heavy and my head so light. Right now, I don't think it is possible for me to feel whole again any time soon... I'm not even sure, if I'll ever feel whole again... everything just seems to be too much for me to handle... it's all too much, too soon...

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Will It Ever End?

Which do you think hurts the most: To suddenly lose someone you love so much or to be betrayed by someone you trusted so much? Actually, it really doesn't matter, because I don't get to choose. I get to have them both...

I must have been Hitler in my past life to deserve such pain and misfortune. As far as I know, I've been a good person and I've been trying to be better each day. And I'm not doing it just so other people I don't even know can accuse me of things that I did not do or am not even aware of. I have never antagonized anyone in my life. Ask any of my friends and family, they know what kind of a person I am and they have every right to judge me only because they know exactly who I am.

There's only so much pain that I can take. I am not numb. I just wish that some people know that I'm not a bottomless pit for pain. I just wish that sometimes, they would learn to think before they speak... the way I'm trying to learn it right now...

I think I've been hurt more than enough, so please if you got nothing better to do with your life... just make sure you keep out of mine...

Act Naturally by Semisonic

Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can’t hide
It’s growing like a tangled vine & rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you, nothing I could do
Everybody sees you taking control of me
Well I’m not begging for release
I’m just begging darling please, please

Act naturally
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt

Our little problem doesn’t seem to be about to go away
As far as I can tell it’s gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look, yeah, that was all it took
I can’t help believing they can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight till we figure how to make it right
I don’t know what I should but i
Would do it if I could

Act naturally
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(act naturally)
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt
Act naturally (remove this line)
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down

In My Dreams

September 21, 2006 - I got to hug Bubu in a dream today. I did not see his face, but I know it was him. He was wearing a white shirt and at first, I doubted if he was real because, in the dream, we all sort of know that he's gone. So I touched his arms first and when he felt real, I hugged him as tightly as I could. It was only for a few seconds, but the feeling lasted til I woke up.

 

This is the last dream I was able to remember after a long long time, and I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I forgot it when I woke up. But I did dream and I did remember. The moment I woke up, I instantly felt mixed emotions. Overwhelmed with joy because I was able to be with him. Then sadness overcame when I realize it can only happen in my dreams. All feelings rushed back just like when he was still alive. I desperately asked God to give him back, in any way or in any form... but deep inside I know, dreaming will be the only way for me to see him again.

 

I know you may think it's unfair for the person I am with, but I think he has somehow accepted the fact that part of my heart will always be with him. That he will always have to share it with him. I'm sure he knows it, I'm sure he has accepted that fact and I'm sure he respects it... and I'm gonna really love him for that.

LSS

Nakapagtataka
(J. Paredes)

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking
pag-iisip
Mula nang tayo'y nagpasyang
maghiwalay
Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayobagay
Nakapagtataka,oh.

Kung bakit ganito ang aking
kapalaran
Di ba't ilang ulit ka nang
nagpaalam
At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka

Chorus:
Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Bridge:
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Walang tigil ang ulan
at nasaan ka, araw
Napano na'ng pag-ibig sa isa't
isa
Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asa
Nakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.oohh

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Bad Hair Day

Don't you just hate a really bad haircut? I got possessed last Sunday and decided to change my 'do' all of a sudden. I think the stylist was possessed as well because she turned my hair into a wig in no time. It was totally hideous, I can't even bare to see my reflection in the mirror. It totally looked like a wig, especially when I'm fresh out of bed. I looked like a lion with a seriously unmanageable mane.

I was so desperate to get it fixed, right the next day I went to a salon at the mall. Right then and there, they basically rejected my hair and refused to do anything to it. I gave it another try the next day, and I got nothing. Unbelievable. That's how bad it is.

So by Wednesday, I was already so frustrated and desperate to have my hair fixed, I was willing to pay loads of money to get it done. I asked around six different salons for a quotation and they all gave me a four-digit sum except for one. I was a bit skeptic on that one salon. My hair got to its present condition because I refused to spend a huge amount on it. So I decided to go with the lowest four-digit sum that was offered to me. The salon's name is a bit reassuring too, First Aid Salon. My hair seriously needs all the first aid it can get. So after more than four grueling hours, having two stylists work on my hair and spending a whole lot of money... my hair got better. True to their name, they were able to bring it back to life! I just hope it will last long enough for me to think that it was money well-spent...

Saved Customer

Got a call today from Globe, it was regarding my request to cancel the service with them. As I have expected, they offered me something special to keep me as their customer and they got me with their "this is something we don't usually offer on the Hub" spiel.

But it's true! I got a plan which is lower than my G-Flex 800 bill plan. On Globe's Hub, G-Flex 800 was the lowest plan for G-Flex Subscriptions. What you can usually get for lower than P800 is their G-Text Plan for P500 which is fixed with 500 texts and 20 minutes free call. But I was offered the P500 all-consumable plan with 150 free texts. So it's just like I'm loading 500 bucks a month on my phone. I can still use Unlimitxt, according to the guy, and I'm not tied to any term commitment so I can try it for a month or so and then cancel it if I don't like it. It sounded like a great deal so I accepted the offer.

So turns out I'm still keeping my number. Now what am I gonna do with my old active prepaid SIM? Hmmm... what can one person do with an anonymous number... **cue evil laugh** >=P

Tightening the Belt

Sigh... I'm contemplating on cutting off my cellphone line... I think I'm not using it enough for me to keep it. What with the unlimited text and all, I think it's way cheaper for me to go pre-paid. I don't make that much calls anymore. I don't text that much as well, save for some forwarded messages. So what I do to make most of my plan is access the net through WAP or download Java games. But then my phone has limited storage space so I end up deleting them after some time. I like the luxury of having uninterrupted service, but I don't think it's all worth it. It's a waste of my hard-earned moolah.

I've had this number for 4 years now I think, and like all things which have been dear to me, it won't be easy for me to let go of it. It's not that I don't want to go through the hassle of texting everyone my new number (or should I say old number, since I've had it ever since Globe came into existence. Way back when texting was free and unlimited). It's not that I hate to experience running out of load when I need it most. It's just that I don't want to part with the messages I have stored in that SIM. If I forward them, the name of the original sender of the message won't be there (call me sentimental). I know it won't get lost even if it loses the signal, I just don't want to part with it or run the risk of losing it... but of course, I have to move on. I'll let everyone know once I've changed numbers... Globe subscribers will be prioritized...sorry! heheheh...

Now since I had the line for so long, I basically forgot how to load or check for balance or how to load it with unlimited text. I did something really embarassing the other day. I went to a store and inquired if they have unlimited text for Globe prepaid subscribers. The girl said they don't have such thing. I thought they have a special prepaid card preloaded with unlimited text feature, much like Sun's Unlimited Call and Text. I was so sure it exists that I even asked the girl if she was sure. Of course she said she was sure. Then I found out that all you have to do is to load the regular prepaid card and then text to have the unlimited text feature activated. I was so embarassed I ended up buying nothing and said an alibi that I can Pasaload on my own with my line... just to get myself out of their sights and as far away from the store as possible. I am soo not going back there. And I don't know why I'm even telling this embarassing story to the world...

Anyhoo, I'm also thinking of having my highspeed internet cut off. But then, I think I would need it when all the new seasons of my favorite series' comes in. Having it cut off will get me out of the loop. I guess I'll just change providers, because SmartBro is not really that, uhm, smart... I got cut off my internet because my activation key expired. I've paid my bill (though not in time), yet I'm still without service. I tried to call them 10 times the other day and everytime I reach a person I get a choppy line. Because I was so desperate at that time, I tried to email through my cellphone. Perhaps it was not my day, because the email servers apparently were down. So as soon as my term with them expires, I'm changing providers...

So.. what else can I cut off? One of my credit cards perhaps? Hmmmm... NAAAH! =P

Flashbacks

We're fond of doing flashbacks... we try to recall what transpired the last time we were together... he said its purpose was to helps us look forward to the next time we'll be together again... I just did one today...

I finally had the courage to watch "If Only" for the second time and I had to say that I shouldn't have watched it with my mom around. I was choking back tears all through out the movie but the moment when his favorite song came in, I wasn't able to hold it back. Luckily I had my back towards her so I let it flow. The feeling is entirely different the last time I watched it. I cried the first time I saw it because I kept my focus on the story. I cried now because it felt so much like a flashback and I remember everything that happened more than a year ago and how I felt at that time and how different it is to what I feel now... but I am very grateful that I was able to spend that time with him on his last day on earth. Even more thankful that they were all happy moments... much like it was on the movie...

Last Sunday, a mass was celebrated for his first death anniversary. His friends and family were there. Honestly, I was a bit reluctant to go because I was going there alone. I was scared that I might feel a bit out of place. I knew it could happen, but not with a family like his. Just like before, I instantly felt I was part of the family. I obviously love talking about him, and so I know I was with the best people to be around with. People who took care of him, who loved him, who grew up with him and really knew him well. They even invited me to have lunch at their Lola's house which was the place where he came from before the accident. The minute we got there, I started imagining. I imagined his car was the last one in the driveway, blocking the other cars, like he said. Soon as I got inside, I recognized the place from the last MMS he sent. I imagined where he was while I was calling him. I imagined him there. On the way home, they showed me what type of truck he hit and the exact location where it happened. I'd have to say that the whole day, I was slightly detached from the world. My mind was busy creating an alternate reality... I was busy doing flashbacks... which I reckon I'll be doing same day next year... and the years after that...

His dad and I got into a small talk. He did some flashback himself. He recalled the times they ate lunch together and the times wherein they are the only people in the house. He remembered the time he let Bujing drive his car for the first time on his prom night. He knew how important prom night is for him that's why he let him have the car for a night. Then he said Bujing went home later than he had expected. When he finally got home, he was looking all pale and sweaty. Turns out the car got hit by a jeepney and the damage the car received was anything but mild. He said it was the first... and last time he let him drove his car. He said he lived through that accident because that wasn't his time. The accident he was in a year ago, that was clearly his time to go. It almost seemed he knew it was going to happen. It explained why he never decided to settle down, why he never really saved up much for himself, why he was busy going from one place to another that particular night, why he left alone even if he said he'd give his cousins a ride home and a lot more... But as for me, it still doesn't make any sense. Don't get me wrong, I have accepted what happened, but I still don't understand why it had to. Well, not yet anyway. But I'm still hoping that maybe someday I will...

Memorable Quote from Grey's Anatomy

Speaking of quotes, this was mentioned on the second season episode entitled "Damage Case". So far, this is my all-time favorite line from my ultra favorite TV series, Grey's Anatomy. It made me love the show even more...

Meredith: I never should have told you about George.
Derek: No, its fine, I'm glad I know about him, and the vet. You really get around.
Meredith: What did you just say to me?
Derek: It's unforgivable.
Meredith: I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me.
Derek: So was the knitting a phase? Who's next? Alex? 'Cause I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common.
Meredith (she grabs him as he turns to walk off): You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared, because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.
Derek: This thing with us is finished. It's over.
Meredith: Finally.
Derek: Yeah, it's done.
Meredith: It is done.

Quotable Quotes

I just wanted to share these wonderful quotes I got through text from my equally wonderful friends... These truly touched my heart in so many ways because they are so true and so full of sense... I love 'em

Nine Hardest Times of Your Life
1. Being questioned when you yourself don't understand.
2. Pretending to be innocent of what you know about.
3. Trying to forget something you never will.
4. Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right.
5. Debating with yourself.
6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.
7. Trying to understand when you just can't.
8. Realizing that you have been tricked after you have given your whole trust.
9. Parting and letting go of someone you've loved all your life.

*Never welcome something you cannot entertain... Never open your doors if you mean to close your heart... Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return... Never start a relationship you know you want to end... Two of the shortest words in the English language are "Yes" and "No", and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love has a way of expressing itself despite the silence.

*What if you waited for your special someone your whole life and later on learn that no one is really waiting for you? True love is worth taking chances for... Sometimes you don't know why things work out. They just do - The Lake House

*No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from me. For I reserved a man for you who has my heart and loves Me even more than he will for you. For I won't give you unless he asks you from Me. He's asleep; Don't wake him. He's busy for me, my Kingdom. Soon you will know him, but I have the perfect time. You're my princess, my daughter. Let no prince claim you unless he asks you from My hand for I am your Father, the King of Kings. You, my princess is worth loving... - God

*The Hebrew talmud says: Be very careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on. Noe from his head to be superior of, but from the side to be equal with. Under the arm to be protected for and next to the heart to be loved.

*There's a kind of pain that can numb you. There's a type of freedom that can tie you down. Sometimes the unexpained can define you and sometimes silence is the only sound.

*The important thing is not to be bitter over life's difficulties. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny and when you find yourself lost in darkness and despair, remember - it's only in the black of the night that you can see the stars, and those starts will lead you back home. So, don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble, to fall... because most of the time, the great rewards come from things that scared you most.

*We don't look for love because it sucks to be alone watching moves, because it's sad to eat meals alone, because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days... We look for love because we want to be forgiven; for the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat our meals, for bad hair days and for the palinness of ourselves... Love is an act of forgiveness that for all our imperfections, we are accepted and forgiven.

*Sometimes we are in love in the idea of falling in love. Loving the illusion of having or missing someone. It's alright to feel happy through other people, but don't get dependent on achieving happiness by being with someone. Love yourself first before sharing your life with somebody because if you don't, you will always look for people that you think can make you complete and in the end, it will make you lose yourself more... bit by bit... piece by piece...

*When you love, never stick only to what your heart feels.. remember that sometimes, using your brain is a necessity... Next, never use your eyes to cry for the person who hurt you. Instead, use it to search for the right one... Lastly, don't be scared to break up... Keeping a relationship without love is just a waste of time. Take note, love the one who will fight for you and bravely face each and every consequence... Someone whom you can call "mine" rather than "ideal"...

I miss...

- the times when you helped me figure out words in Text Twist...
- the time when you fetched me from work at 3 in the morning even though you're a bit tipsy just to make sure I get home safe...
- the time when I got really drunk and you didn't really care if I smelled like vomit...
- the time when I sang you our song to make you sleep...

- the time when I caught you watching me sleep and then denied it...
- the time when I watched you sleep... and then you start to snore after 5 seconds...

- the time when you tried to call me just so I can hear our song being played...

- the time we listened to Nina's album in the car...

- the time you took a picture of me while I was asleep...

- the time I took your picture while you were asleep...

- the times when we talked on the phone until the wee hours of the morning...
- the times when we used to play badminton together...
- the times we spent watching chick flicks that you admit you like...
- the times we took the bus home together...

- the times when you do a flashback... and tell me all about it...

- the times we took turns in spending hours calling each other on the cellphone... only to realize we both have landlines...

- the time when we had a serious talk...

- the look in your eyes when you get serious...

- the first time(s) we kissed...

- the way you smile...

- the way you laugh...

- the way you drive...

- the way you hold my hand...

- the way you hold my hand while you drive...

- the way you text me almost every other minute of the day that my phone's battery gets drained everyday...
- the way you text me, send me MMS and call me all in a span of one-hour...

- the way you buy me hash browns because you know its my favorite...

- the way you crack jokes almost effortlessly...
- the way you make me cry and smile in one day...

- the way you drink until you turn pink, then red and then start speaking incoherent english...

- the way you say sorry for something you did wrong...
- the way we accuse each other of being too busy to text or reply...

- the way we accuse each other of being too busy to email or reply when we are just a few seats apart...
- the way you read my blog and make all sorts of senseless comments on it...
- the way you forced me to drink medicine to relieve my pain...

- the way you go through my cellphone...
- the way we kiss when we meet each other or say goodbye...

- the way we kiss...
- the way you hold me tight when we hug...

- the way you cared for me...

- the way you made me love you inspite and despite of everything...

- and most especially, you... so much... for almost a year now...

 

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

I agree with what I read on another comment, it was visually stunning. What with all that special effects, I felt like I was in Rialto or on a roller coaster ride or something...

I was not able to watch the first few minutes of the film because I'm in a 'one-time screening only' theater (if that's what you call it) so I have no idea what and how much did I miss. I think I was not able to grasp the full story because of that, thus affecting my full appreciation of the film. But anyway, for the parts that I was able to watch, it's suffice to say that I was somehow satisfied. As expected, Jack Sparrow was very charming. Hands down to Johnny Depp for giving an exquisite performance. The rest, well.. they're ok I guess. I still can't seem to see Orlando Bloom as any other way but Legolas. You could say I watched 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy too many times.

The movie is a bit too long in my opinion... and then you'll find out in the end that it's not finished... and then I just found out I missed something after the credits. I also don't think that the story was well organized (I admit there I got sorta lost and confused). All the action was great, but storywise... it could still be better. Hopefully the next installment ('At World's End') would reclaim its past glory.

Grey's Anatomy (TV Series)

Thanks to Pat, I got addicted to this TV Series... I am really not much of a medical person. Trips to the hospital always end up with me getting nauseous, particularly at the slightest sight of blood... or even just dextrose. But by watching this series, I feel like somehow I'm starting to get over that phobia albeit everything on the show is fake.

Anyway, whether you're practicing medicine or not, you'll definitely find a way to appreciate this show. They describe it as a "quirky drama" that is quite endearing. I love everyone in the cast, but Sandra Oh is my personal favorite. I found myself laughing and crying all in one episode. So you can say it practically drove me crazy. One thing I also love about this show is the soundtrack... I love every song they played!

You will sometimes find yourself hearing medical jargons, however it really does not impede the plot of the story (although, I would love it if I could understand them.) They say that the show is not that realistic. That it's medically inaccurate and it does not portray what really happens in a hospital, but then again, people won't really patronize it much if it's THAT real. Part of the reason we watch TV series is to divert our attention from the real world. So if you want something real, you can either tune in to Discovery Channel or turn off the TV...

Free at Long Last...

My teeth finally got free of their metallic orthodontic braces. After more than three long years of unimaginable torture! Goodbye braces, hello retainers...

At first it feels a bit weird and I feel like my teeth are a whole lot bigger than they were before... but of course I'm just over-reacting (am I not?). Well, anyway, I can't stop rubbing my teeth because they feel so smooth... and big. I'm still adjusting to the new sensation. I still find myself talking as if I got braces... my 's' is still a bit slurred... and so is my 'c', I can't pronounce words ending in 'th' right and my 'r' is a bit "coniotic". So now I think I got a minor speech problem. But I guess it will go away when I get my retainers. My dentist actually offered me fixed retainers, which will not be visible by others because they will be glued to the back of my teeth and I won't have to worry about accidentally throwing it away. But I still went for the basic removable ones because I decided not to be his guinea pig. Also, I don't want anything on my teeth anymore when I eat. My tongue is tired of clearing my teeth of morsels while I'm eating. Plus, I might actually bite that retainer off my teeth so then I would need to go back everytime that happens. So there. I don't want fixed retainers period.

Anyway, I thought that the idea of having braces is so you can have a better smile to show to the world... but in fact, I'm actually trying to avoid smiling and if I do smile, I do it with mouth closed. My teeth looks so freakingly big. I almost felt like I want to have them metals back... but I know I can't wear them forever. Eventually, I have to get rid of them and move on. My teeth have to move on. There's still so much my teeth need to experience... a proper oral prophylaxis, composite fillings, root canals, porcelain jackets, bleaching, other dental treatments...

I'll be posting pictures of my non-metallic grin so you can see for yourselves... Pictures taken on Patrick's birthday c/o his camera... nice noh? heheheh.

Superman Returns!

I may not have a clear recollection of how he vanished... but I'm glad to know he's back...

Honestly, I haven't really understood a Superman movie before. I say 'Understood' because I may have watched them but I didn't really get what the story was all about... considering I was only a few years old at that time. All I can really recall is that group in black who got trapped in a mirror. I seriously got scared of them that I remember them haunting me in my childhood dreams. So you can say I do not really have an extensive knowledge of him, given that my interest in Superman's life only began when I got hooked watching 'Smallville'.

Anyway, the movie is good and effective if the creators' aim is to establish a start of a sequel. There's not much action, not much fight scenes, not much of anything if you ask me. Just trying to build a story line. I think Smallville season finales are even better compared to it. But hey, most pilot episodes are like that... they may seem boring but they are important. The movie was fun, but there are a lot of trivial stuff that would really bug you and get to your head... like how come Lois Lane didn't incur any injury when she got hit in the head with a seemingly very thick and heavy vault door, like how come nobody noticed that Clark Kent got back at the same time Superman returned, and why was there no humongous tidal wave when that big an earthquake hit the city... I don't know.

Moving on, the casting for Superman is quite good. I could really see Brandon Routh as Superman/Clark Kent. Sticking to the original score is a good decision, it sort of brought nostalgia to the viewers. It was not all that bad really. In my humble opinion, this one is still worth the watch... you won't want to miss such an important revelation...

Prison Break

I just finished watching the last half of the first season of Prison Break... all I can say is I'm hooked!

Basically, the series is all about how Michael Scofield (Wentworth Miller) carefully planned how to get his brother, Lincoln Burrows (Dominic Purcell) who is on deathrow, escape from prison. It's a really really interesting series. For me, it's a welcome change from teeny-bopper series that I've been following. One reason why I like this series is that the plot is so much like Shawshank Redemption and I really enjoyed watching that film. I don't know but I somehow find prison life interesting. Not that I want to experience it, but I'm just quite fascinated about how they spend their time in confinement and still remain sane. Also, the camaraderie inside the prison somehow got me captivated. And of course, Wentworth is such a hunk, he's the main selling point here! I wouldn't be watching this if it wasn't for him. Hehehe. Well, watching this series sort of makes me feel both happy and sad at the same time. Happy, that I have my freedom... and sad, for those people who are not supposed to be in there. The season finale is such a freakin' cliffhanger (well, aren't all season finales cliffhangers?). I can't wait until August!

Visit the Official Website: http://www.fox.com/prisonbreak

U-R-G-E

Here I am again trying to fight off yet another urge to buy something expensive. I'm trying to talk myself out of it, but it seems that I would need some back up. You see, I just got this urge to buy a Sony PSP because it's 0% interest for 12 months. It would be sooo ultra kewl to have it. However, I found out that emulators won't work with the new version anymore... so that would mean I gotta buy the original stuff that costs no less than 2 grand each. Not to mention I'd have to buy a memory stick with a large storage space that costs at least 4 grand. So basically, it would cost me no less than 16 grand to have the PSP and actually enjoy it...

If you got an opinion on this, this would be the best time to let me know. I can't put my foot down yet. I can't arrive at a firm decision. In other words, I'm in dire need of your help!

The Notebook

Just watched this movie on HBO a few weeks ago... I just so love this part it almost lead me to tears... I especially liked the lines in bold, they made me melt! I knew these lines would be applicable to me someday... heheheh.

Young Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.
Young Allie: What's that supposed to mean?
Young Noah: [yelling] Money. He?s got a lot of money!
Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.
Young Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.
Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Young Allie: It's not that simple.
Young Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?
Young Allie: I have to go now.

I Never Forget to Remember

Just this morning, while I was feeling all depressed and alone, I remembered Daniel again... and I cried like everything just happened yesterday. I will always wish he never went away. I guess there really is no getting over him that easily. I may begin to love someone new, but a part of it will always remain with him.

 

I started missing him so bad that I began reading the text messages he had sent to me over a year ago. He was really such a sweet, thoughtful and caring person. I miss spending time with him and talking to him. It will be really difficult for someone to level with him, much more to surpass him. I am not expecting that someone will. Just don't get me wrong, I believe I will still be able to love someone new and I will love that person for whoever he is. But not to replace Daniel but to have someone new. I don't want that someone to live under his shadow and all. That would be downright unfair. I want him to be a whole new different person because that's exactly what he is, an entirely different person. Get it? Arrgghh! It's so complicated that I can't even tell it right. I'd be lucky to find someone who understands my situation and still be able to love me despite and inspite of everything. And someday, I'll let that someone meet him when I visit (It's one of my requirements).

 

I just realized it's been a while since I went back to visit him. I sort of missed going there. I whispered a promise to him that I'll be visiting next week. I wanted to go this weekend, but my family is going to Tagaytay and we won't be back til Monday. So next week it is. I got lots of things to tell him! So many things have happened just for the past few months. He needs to catch up with all the news... Can't wait! =)

Song for the Day

Bad Day
by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out
Wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that
Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You see what you like
And how does it feel, one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Hoping for Spring to Come

I'm starting to think that I really am meant to be alone... every friendship I build with people, especially deeper ones, always tend to be taken away from me. Intentionally or not, it doesn't really matter. How I wish I have the power to control time. If I could, I would have turned it back and just repeat a certain point of my life over and over again until I die.

I guess it all started when I lost one special person due to an unfortunate incident. Probably he was my lucky charm of some sort, because after that, I just started losing people who have ever been close to my heart, one after the other. Just for the past two months, I feel like I have lost almost everyone I have valued. Some don't really intend to leave, it's just that they have to take on a different path. Opting for greener pastures as they say. Some I lost as a consequence to a certain slip in judgment and some due to unfavorable circumstances. And I'm not even including the people I lost through time. Sigh....

I feel like my friends are falling out in the same manner that the leaves fall off the trees during autumn. I guess, like the trees, I just have to keep myself alive... long enough to get me through winter... and still have enough strength to be able to see the first sign of spring...

To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine

I make mistakes, I am, after all, human. This is never my excuse for making mistakes. I have no excuse for the mistakes I've done. I just know that they are things I've done or let happen that I've regret time and time again and they will continue to haunt me. But there's no way I can take them back.

I can't even explain myself or more so, defend myself. I do not honestly know why or how it happens, I don't even understand myself anymore. I know this also happens to other people and I've learned to understand them and forgive them for whatever harm they've done or caused. I don't expect that other people would treat me the same way, but I understand them just the same. To err is human, to forgive divine. It's not my way to burn bridges. I treasure every friendship I make. I am thankful for every friendship I get to keep. I get all the help from them, it's just me who cannot seem to know how to help myself. That is where the problem begins.

I know I cannot do anything about what other people say or think about me. I'm afraid I cannot defend or explain myself any longer. Honestly speaking, I don't even know what to say to them anymore. I'm not pleading guilty, but I'll surrender to whatever their verdict is. I'll just have to respect whatever their opinions are about me. Does not matter if they know the whole story or not, prejudice will always be present.

I found out that most of the time, no matter how hard it is for me... it's better to keep my silence. No matter how hard you try, at the back of their minds, they will always think you are what they think you are. Sometimes, they know you better than you know yourself.

I am sorry if I just don't live up to their expectations... I am sorry if I have disappointed them... I am sorry if it seemed like I don't give a slightest care to the world... I'm trying my best to live my life, and to tell you frankly, it's not the easiest thing to do and I was even so close to giving up... but I try to hang on, wishing that something or someone will be able to help me redeem myself from this unholy mess...

Birthday Post

Okay, 23rd birthday officially over. The four-day long celebration is finished. A year older, and not a tad richer!

So, let me begin this post by giving my yearly Birthday Speech. This year proved to be the most difficult of all years (I hate to think that it gets more difficult each year). It has forced me to mature in all aspects of life. The challenges are definitely not welcomed, but I really have no choice but to face them. But I'm just thankful that I got out alive (although a lot of times, I feel like giving up). I know it will never end, and it will even continue to get tougher by the second. I just hate it how I always end up getting tangled with all sorts of trouble. They say I let it happen to me, so I'm partly to blame. I understand what they mean. I think I might be schizophrenic or something. I say one thing, but I do the opposite. I can't get myself to do what needs to be done. So I always end up being bruised, shattered into pieces, broken and hurt. I get all the help I can get from other people... It's just I who couldn't help myself... and you can never help someone who is not ready to help herself. That truly is the most depressing fact. But, come on, it's not like I asked for unfortunate stuff like that to happen. I did not pray for life to treat me this way. Harsh. All I really wish for is just to be able to go back and live the normalcy of life...

So anyway, my birthday celebration started on the eve of my birthday at the office. I brought some food (Waldorf, Rosemary Chicken, Carbonara and French Bread). But it wasn't enough for the whole team, so only the chosen few (although many were called) got to eat. In the evening, my family and I went out to dinner at Soul Food at Greenbelt 3. Food is good... but they don't have any special treatment for birthday celebrants... pffft!

Then Saturday night is like part 2 of my office birthday bash. I treated 12 of my team mates to Dampa at Sucat, Paranaque. It was my first time to go there, so it was quite an experience. I'm not really good with buying and haggling at the wet market, so they sort of took over. We had lots of fun. I got to sing a whole lot of songs (I love to sing... but I didn't say I sing well. I actually sang off tune more often than not. That's the good thing about it being my birthday, no one has the right to complain). The food was greeeaatt (not to mention cheap!). We got Inihaw na Pusit, Calamares, Baked Tahong, Tahong with sabaw, liempo, Inihaw na fish, Kalderetang Kambing. We're all full to the brim! I don't mind going back there, really. I so had fun.

Then come Sunday night, my college friends and I ate at National Sports Grill at Greenbelt 3 after not seeing each other for months. Last time we saw each other was December last year. Most of our conversation is about Hollywood, movies and music. We also decided to go on an outing around first week of May (a first for us actually because the last time we actually went out of town is because it was a requirement for school). I also got super kewl gifts, I got these two kewl shirts, The Chillout Project album, Chocolates from Bizu and a set of accessories. They give the best gifts every time. It's the perfect closing for my birthday celebration.

Now, I'm back to work... back to my sucky life... but at least, for four days, I was reminded of how it feels to be happy... Thanks guys for making that happen... (I'm such a drama queen)

Happy Birthday to ME!

It's almost my birthday... and I'm not really a wee-bit excited on getting a year older (what's new?!).  A year older and no progress with life whatsoever. Every year I just get more frustrated with life and more depressed with the status quo. Its a lifelong crisis I tell you...

Well, its almost like a four-day celebration for me... at the strike of 12 of April 7th, my colleagues and I are going to feast on Rosemary chicken, carbonara pasta, Waldorf and French bread which my aunt and mom prepared (ain't they so sweet?). Tomorrow night, I'm gonna treat my family out to dinner. On Saturday night, I'm gonna treat my officemates out to dinner at Dampa in Sucat. And on Sunday night, I'm gonna treat my friends out to dinner at Greenbelt 3. Busy weekend for me. Heheheh...

We'll see how everything goes... and I hope I don't run out of money.. But then again, payday is just around the corner...

Valentine's Day...

is totally over rated. It's really nothing but a clever marketing strategy, a season they invented so that there'll be reason to buy an expensive gift for a special someone. Marketing strategy to make people mindlessly spend lots of money... a day before it's even payday. Prices for flowers and chocolates skyrocket to more than twice its regular price at this time of the year and people still buy them. Flower shops, Candy shops, Specialty shops are flocked with people. All because it's valentine's day. Bahumbug!

Sorry for my antagonistic point of view of Valentine's day. The last time I really had a valentine was more than four years ago i think. And don't think that I'm just saying this because I'm sourgraping... because I'm sooo not! I mean, why give a gift on Valentine's day... when you can do so any other day?! And what exactly is the idea of giving flowers (or even stuffed toys) to someone when you can give something more useful, like.. say.. a nice cute shirt or a pair of shoes or a pretty dress. Why does it have to be flowers?! Why does everyone have to buy flowers on Valentine's day? And so now what's left on the stand are the dying bunch... and I can't even afford to buy them for Bubu. What use will they have for flowers?! They have absolutely no use for it! And I bet they're even embarassed to carry them around. One guy I saw was carrying the bouquet behind his back (probably doesn't know how to carry it without losing his manliness). The girl who rode the FX I was riding even covered her face of embarassment when the driver complimented the pink roses she was carrying. She jokingly responded with "kakabili ko lang nyan, para sa sarili ko...". Hahaha. Everybody is like giving a taunting smile to those people who are carrying flowers... like it's a big joke or something. It's like at the back of their minds, they're either saying: "Awww, how nice!" or "Pffft, How original!".

Well, I don't know... I'm just too practical I guess (or just mad that I can't buy flowers). Anything that came from the heart and/or worked by the hands are much more appreciated, than wasting money on dust collectors such as stuffed toys, flowers, balloons and stuff. I don't know, maybe just the thought of having someone I can really keep would be enough for me. Just spending time with that someone would be more than enough. I will show how much I appreciate him not only on Valentine's day, but always. Sigh. Okay, enough mush before I break into a rash... Don't worry, I'm not really anti-Valentine's day... I wouldn't be sending out those V-day text messages if I was! Happy Valentine's Day everyone! ;P

Quotable Quote:
Love grows by giving, the love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away. - elbert hubbard

Around the World in 80 Seconds... or Less

Two words... Google Earth. Thanks to the people who made Google Earth happen, I get to see other parts of the world apart from Luzon. (For the sake of those who do not know and contrary to popular belief... I have never left this island all my life... meaning never been on a plane, nor a ship... Pity).

Get Google Earth. Put the world in perspective.
earth.google.com



One of the places I would really like to visit for real, Paris, France. I don't know, but there's just something magical about that place that draws me to it. And I know I'm not the only one in the world who feels that way about Paris. I just love Paris!(and I don't mean Hilton).

I also want to go to Phuket, Thailand. I want to go to that dream beach featured in the movie "The Beach". The Maya Beach. The scenery is breathtaking. I'm running out of words to describe it by just thinking of it. Hehehe...

I also want to see Manhatttan, New York and Tokyo, Japan and Hong Kong, China (No, I'm not gonna go Disneyland hopping) and Sydney, Australia and New Zealand... and the list goes on. All of 'em just a few clicks away! But nothing can really beat going there and experiencing it all for real. But then again, if you ain't got the dough to get there... get Google Earth and learn to content yourself with satellite photos! It's the next best thing! ;P

Saying Goodbye...

to my old trusty cellphone was not as easy as I thought it would be... Yep, I already got the Pink Moto Razr V3 that I wanted... and it's giving me mixed emotions.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with my new phone, quite happy that I finally got something out of my own pocket. However, I can't help but go emotional about leaving my T610. Once I change the SIM card on that phone, all data will be deleted almost like it has been reset (that's the major flaw of the T610). But even if all the data gets lost, it's sentimental value will never decrease. I will definitely won't put it up for sale... even for a thousand... no, make that a million dollars (hehehe. like someone's going to pay THAT much for a worn out phone!). I've had that phone for more than two years I think... and I can say it has seen better days. It witnessed everything I went through for the last two years or so. And in my life, the last two years was the most difficult of all. It became my confidant of some sort. I cannot think of any important event wherein it has not been a part of. I owe my life to this phone. I almost didn't want to leave it. Daniel's last call to me is still listed on its call list... But then my phone seemed to have been corrupted and everytime I try to access some of his MMS messages, the phone will restart (Good thing I had a habit of sending them to my email soon as I receive 'em). It randomly deletes my whole inbox as well. So one by one, little by little, it's showing me signs of retirement. It's giving me more reasons to get a new phone... and that's what I did.

Monday morning, I was like possessed. I told myself, by the end of the day, I have to have that phone. So I went to ParkSquare and scout for one... only two stores had it. So I had them compete until I got a reasonable price... and then I used my new credit card... so for the next few months, no shopping sprees for me... bummer.. but I got a new kewl phone anyway. That should be worth it. ;P

It's Syuper Dyuper Kyut!

The Pink/Magenta Motorola RAZR V3.. I want one... and I am getting one as soon as I can... I am finally buying myself a cellphone for the first time in my entire life. My first one was bought by my mom, and my second one was handed down to my by my sister... here are its specs (I got it from this Motorola site)

Personalisation / Fun Features

User Customisable Softkey Functions, Main Menu and Shortcuts
Games : 3D Java - embedded & space for downloads
Downloadable Themes (Ringtones, Wallpaper & Screensavers)
MOTOMIXER™ (Remixable MIDI ringer software)
Polyphonic Ringtones
MP3 Ringtones
Polyphonic Speaker : 22 Khz Polyphonic Speaker, 22 Chord support
Video Download
Video Clip Playback with sound
Integrated Digital VGA Camera with 4 x Digital Zoom

Call Management Features

Picture Phonebook
In-built Hands-free Speaker Phone
Caller Group Profiling
Time & date stamp (for calls & SMS)
Phonebook : Up to 1000 entries on phone plus up to 250 on SIM card
VibraCall®

Messaging Features

iTAP™ Predictive text with T9 emulation
EMS 5.0
SMS Chat one-to-one : one-to-one
MMS (Picture / photo + text + sound)
Group SMS
Quick messages
Mobile Concatenation
Instant Messaging Support : (Wireless Village) 1.1 embedded client
Email support: Pop3, SMTP, IMAP4

Lifestyle Features

Calculator and Currency Converter
Date and Clock
PIM Functionality
Calendar
Alarm Clock

Performance Features

Bands : Quad-band (GSM 850/900/1800/1900)
Talktime : Up to 200 to 430 minutes
Standard Battery : 680 mAh Li-ion
Standby Time : Up to 180 to 290 hours

Data Features

GPRS : 1, 6 - 2U4D
WAP : 2.0
Connectivity : CE bus (USB / Bluetooth®)
Preloaded Software

Technical Specifications

Precision Cut Metal Keypad
Internal Memory : 5 MB
Weight : 95 g
External Display : 96 x 80 pixel, 4k CSN Colour, 4 Lines of Text / Line of Icons
Volume : 65 cc
Finish : Anodized Aluminum
Dimensions : 98 x 53 x 13.9 mm
Internal Display : 176 x 220 pixel, up to 260K TFT Color, with Graphic Accelerator, 9 Lines of Text
Colour : Cosmic Blue, Silver, Black and Pink
Form Factor : Clam

Its super duper cute! soooo bagay to me! I'm gonna get one first thing tomorrow morning! Hehehehe ;P

Happy Birthday Bubu!

It's Daniel's birthday today! His 28th on the 27th... Time flies by real fast... before we even know it, we're celebrating his birthday. And in a few days, his 6th month...

I was supposed to schedule a mass for him, but was unable to do so. Time constraints. Most of the masses on weekdays are scheduled in the evening so it automatically means we won't be able to attend because we'll all be asleep around that time. But we all offered our prayers to him, that's for sure. Most of us will probably offer the Sunday mass to him.

Anyway, my mom and I bought him flowers yesterday. I chose white roses this time. I don't know, I just feel like giving him a bunch of white roses. I had to carry it from the office to the MRT station (where the guards are curiously eyeing what I'm carrying around on an ultra big plastic bag) and I couldn't tote it around with stretched arms or it will touch the ground, so I have to slightly bend my elbows which put strain on my underdeveloped biceps. I was worried that by the time I get there, it will look parched or even dead. But thankfully, it was still alive and breathing when I got to his place.

It was such a bad time for my cellphone to run out of battery... so I just emailed Yannie as soon as I left the office. I fetched her at her workplace (the guy at the frontdesk referred to me as "the girl with the big plastic bag") and then we picked up his framed jersey at her place. We got a little stuck in traffic on our way there and we made it barely in time to meet his family who's just about to leave. I think it was the first time I saw more than one visiting person there, because I usually go alone or sometimes, with a friend. Ate Danette, Deck, Tito Dan, Ate Kim, Kuya Zasam and Tonito were there. It was nice to see them all over again. It sort of made me feel like he's still around. Just there... just around... watching us...

And he did sort of let us know he's just around...

You see, Cj gave him a stick of cig as a birthday gift. It was untouched when we left. But then a few minutes after we left, Faye (Daniel's cousin) arrived. When she got there, the cig was not lit. Then it started to drizzle so she went for cover. When she got back, surprisingly enough, the cig was already burnt halfway. Her account was that it was not that near the candle nor the flame for it to burn. Weird! If it was really him who did that, I'm gonna scold him... for still trying to smoke! Hahaha! Just kidding! Well, I told him I'll even give him a bottle of beer...
if he asks for it...
PERSONALLY!

We all super duper miss him... I know I do. Everytime there's any work-related celebration, any event or just about any occasion... I always imagine what it would be like if he was still here. I still enjoy talking about him. It sort of keeps the memories alive. I just wish he would visit me in my dreams more often, everyday if possible (demanding?! Hehehe). Because I think it's the only way I can REALLY get by. I thought I could actually get over him but I realized I was wrong to think that way. Six months is still too soon. It seems like I'll just have to live with it... and accept the fact that I'll never get over him for real. So, whoever I'm gonna be with in the future also has to accept that fact. It just can't be taken away. It's already part of who I am...

THE Battle

I was on leave for almost a week, trying to finish up my paper work... and I got zero productivity. Why? I gave in to all sorts of diversions. For one (which is the most frequent) I played DotA... which is a really really cool game. (The other night, my friend and I were playing until 4am!) I'm not that good with it (yet)... but it's fun nonetheless.

Then, just this weekend, my sister asked if we want to spend the night at Tagaytay. So we did! We got there in no time at all. We left at 430pm... got there at 530, just in time to hear mass. Then, we ate at Yellow Cab Pizza, then went to the nearest Starbucks for a doze of coffee. We stayed at my sister's boyfriend's family's house at Royal Pines West. It was a nice house, because it has cable TV! It may not seem so, but it was a lot of fun to go there. I enjoyed it a lot. Somehow, I felt relaxed and de-stressed... all set for another week of work... NOT! Heheheh..

Anyway, we left there at noon the next day, Sunday... Boxing day! I am not a REAL fan of boxing, but somehow I find it interesting and I've been watching some of the big and most-talked-about games before (like that game where Tyson bit Holyfield in the ear? Classic!). Before I have always watched at home... Never did I know how fun it was to watch it someplace else until today. You see, when we were in Tagaytay, we decided to have lunch here in Manila. I didn't want to miss "The Battle" between Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales, so I watched on my sis' pocket TV while we were on the road. We got to Manila in an hour (or less) and the game was only on round 2. I suggested we eat at NSG (National Sports Grill) because I know for sure they're gonna have a TV there and I know some of my officemates are planning to watch the game there. When we got to Greenbelt 3, the driver's lounge is packed with twenty people or more, all glued to the TV watching the game. And as expected, NSG is full to the brim. No seats left. A whole bunch of people are already standing outside (they had placed two TV sets outside). All the people there are cheering and shouting as if they're actually in Las Vegas where Pacquiao can hear them. It's like the whole mall stopped when the game was on. You can hardly find people strolling around. All TV sets on every restaurant that has one are on Channel 2 (where the game is being aired). Even the crew people are attentively watching tv. We stood around a bit and watched on the widescreen TV at NSG. Then I decided to text my officemates to let them know I'm around. CJ replied and told me they're at Fish Co. (almost beside NSG). Since we got no seats at NSG, we decided to eat at Fish Co. instead (I demanded a seat in front of a TV of course!). And man, was it worth it! The game was soooo ultra exciting! The crowd was very reactive... applauding on every hard blow Pacquiao gives Morales. Although I already heard the result minutes before it ended from some blabbermouth who passed by (such a killjoy), it was still exciting to see how Morales fell to his knees on the 10th round. I actually got goosebumps when I saw it happen. Everybody shouted and stood from their seats when the referee signaled that the game was over and Pacquiao won the match! My mom and sister (who previously weren't paying attention or were not even enthusiastic in the beginning) were cheering as well. The crowd was overwhelming! It was so much fun! So noisy! So festive! Like it was New Year all over again! Pacquiao rules! He's sooo great! I am so happy he won and I so want to see him when he gets here! I'm telling you, I'm gonna take part in giving him a hero's welcome he truly deserves.... hehehehe. And I promise I will not miss that upcoming match with Antonio Barrera! ;P

New Year...

but not necessarily a happy one...

I'm not having a good vibes for this new year... it's only been a week since new year started and I've already messed it up for the rest of the year. Typical of me to do that.

So I decided I gotta do something about this before it's all too late and I destroy the rest of my life. I actually came up with a plan which I hope will work and I am sooooo hoping that this is the right thing to do... (I feel like it is but since it seems that everything I do these days is wrong, I can't say anymore if it is or not... confused? so am I). And to make sure that I won't mess up this time, I'm not gonna say what my plan is until I have actually done it. I'm pretty sure it would work... It should somehow get my life back on track... I haven't really finalized it yet but I will, really soon, because I don't have that much time left. I'm actually pretty excited about it, I just hope that everything works according to plan. And this begins later tonight... no time to waste. We'll see what happens... Baffled? Heheh... Isn't suspense fun? Don't worry... you'll know.

P.S.
I had a haircut by the way... it's got nothing to do with the plan... but... I had a haircut... ;P

Year-Ender and Year-Starter post

Christmas.. and now New Year... next, Valentine's day... now I'm starting to post occasionally...

I would have really wanted to sum up the year with a really long year-ender post... recounting the events that happened, lessons learned, people met, people lost, etc. And then write another really long year-starter post... about hope for tomorrow, new years resolution, plans, dreams, wishes, etc.... but my enthusiasm to write sort of vanished... so I'll just roll them up in one really short post.

It wasn't really much of a good year... That's it! Year-ender post, summed up in one sentence!

And as for my Year-starter post... given the fact that it wasn't really much of a good year... and so why in the world would I think that this year would be any different?!?!?

It doesn't make any sense... I know... so if you could just please refer back to the title of this blog for a bit of enlightenment... thank you. And Happy New Year to you too...

P.S. soon as I find my inner peace (so there's an outer peace?!) ... I'll write better I promise (read: no more corny jokes).