sad realizations

The year is closing to an end... and I just couldn't help getting all emotional about it... I just wasted another year of my life. I did nothing in this year that I should be proud of. All I did was to make all the wrong decisions and deal with its endless consequences. Honestly speaking, I'm tired of taking the same bull* everyday... for a year! But I've no one else to blame but me (and that's the saddest part of all!) I know, this may seem like another one of my bitter entries, but it's really the only way I could get by. Or else, I'd go crazy. Besides, it's not like I forced you to read this, right? But anyway, I hope the year ahead will be much better than this one. I'm gonna wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Try to straighten up my crooked life. Wish it was that easy to do.

I don't really know what came over me this year, maybe it's because I'm finally living in the real world, and I was quite unprepared to face it. (Or should I say very much unprepared?) When I got my first job, nobody warned me about the people I'll be dealing with. I was like walking blindly into a world I have absolutely no knowledge of. As expected, I did one wrong move after another, until it became too much for me to handle and I eventually lost control. Work was fine really, it was great even, it was the people I work with that bugged me (or should I just say person?). Taking advantage of my utter ignorance. And it was during this time that I wish I was still a kid, that I wish I never grew up. That I wish Neverland existed. That I wish I was only dreaming. That I... well, you get the point...

Aside from that, I ventured into something that I am really not sure I wanted to be in in the first place... and it has a high price tag, so high that even if I'm earning a little more than usual, I am still paying for it until now.

Moreover, I wasn't able to spend enough time with my dad while he was here. I was always going home really late, and I used up practically all the seemingly valid excuses I can think of. Would you believe I was the only one who was scolded by him the whole time he was here? Unbelievable me.

Then, until now, I have not saved anything from my salary. Everything is used up everytime I get it. It practically slips off my palm as soon as I get it. It only took me a couple of days (or less) to spend something I worked for for two weeks.

There's more, but I don't think I want to show the world how stupid I am. All I'll say is if only I get a penny for every mistake I did, I'd probably be richer than Bill Gates by now.

i don't think they're even human

It's a fact, jerkasses are everywhere (A cross between jerks and a*holes)... you have to deal with them everyday whether you like it or not... and it's difficult to understand why they always have to wreck what could have been a beautiful, more meaningful and rather peaceful life... somehow, they always find a way to get into your system and stay there like a virus without an easy cure... I know by this time, I should be a pro in telling one apart for I've been dealing with them for so long (too long, if you ask me) but these past few days, I have a feeling my instincts are starting to betray me... Now, I became a victim once again. I fell into the deepest darkest pit that I've ever been to, and I don't think I could ever get out so easily without doing great damage to myself. I must have been such an easy prey. I just can't believe how their consciences can take it... best explanation to that is that they do not have a conscience at all... They are without a care on how you feel... They treat you special for one moment and then treat you like trash the next minute... They eat you up and spit you out (Hmmm.. I think I got this from a song)... All this I know, and I still can't seem to stop myself from falling for one... it's hopeless I tell you...

Alexander is Great

I watched "Alexander" with a friend at G4 last night. The movie was good, except it's a bit difficult to understand.. especially when you detest your Social Science class (like I do) and if you have so gotten used to watching movies with subtitles (like I have). It was a bit controversial though, since gay relationships are so openly displayed (not that I have anything against it). But it's cool. Also, they only showed bits and pieces of the battle, it seems that they focused too much on politics. But it's still good, coz I got to see what I wanted (hahaha.. go figure!). Before you watch it though, I suggest you brush up on your World History so you won't be clueless. Luckily, my friend knows a bit about it, so he sort of clued me in on what's happening. The movie's kinda long, so if you have work the next day... don't watch the last full show (like I did).

music...

I am the type of person who cannot live without music. Everywhere I go, music must be around... or else... I'd sing.. hahahah. Seriously! The moment I step into the bathroom, I become a diva and sing on the top of my lungs. Surprisingly enough, I have never lost my voice ever in my life, even if I scream for hours. What can I say, It's a gift! Maybe it's God's way of saying that my voice should be heard. Hahaha.

Anyway, I can't help but notice how OPM is starting to boom nowadays. These past few days, my favorite songs are Kitchie Nadal's "Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin", Session Road's "Suntok sa Buwan" and Sponge Cola's "Lunes" and their version of Madonna's "Crazy for You". Well, that last song wasn't all that good, but it seems strange to hear it being sung by a guy (considering its a bit girlie and all). I also like Rivermaya's "Liwanag sa Dilim". It's been a while since I've had a playlist and download queues full of OPM songs. It's just nice to hear that OPM is doing great... hopefully they won't be discouraged by all the piracy that's happening. So, guys, don't buy OPM pirated cds.. just buy international artists' pirated cds.. okay?! Heheheh.. just kidding!

Lyrics: I Can't Make You Love Me

by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights;
Turn down the bed.
Turn down these voices
Inside my head.

Lay down with me;
Tell me no lies.
Just hold me close;
Don't patronize.
Don't patronize me.

'Cuz I can't make you love me
If you don't.
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't.
Here in the dark
In these final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power;
But you won't.
No, you won't.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
If you don't.

I'll close my eyes,
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me.

Morning will come,
And I'll do what's right;
Just give me till then
To give up this fight.

And I will give up this fight.

stitch up

I now have a two-inch long stitch on my... somewhere.. Yes, I'm finally finished with my operation. What the doctor and I thought to be a less than one centimeter thing, turned out to be one humongous mass. I believe it was even bigger than a five-peso coin, and that's no one centimeter! I was awake the whole time, and the doctor, the nurse and I are having a conversation like we were just having coffee. I never looked towards the right while he was doing the operation, coz I'm afraid I might just lose consciousness. I can feel the scissors and the blade cut through my skin, it feels a bit cold on the skin but no pain at all. If I did feel even the slightest sense of pain, the doctor will inject anaesthesia right away. It wasn't that long, less than an hour actually, but it was long enough for my mom to feel tension pain. But if you're the one lying there, you'll feel like it's taking forever for the doctor to finish.

After the operation, I went out of the room as if nothing happened. My mom told my dad to buy the prescribed medicine which I'll be taking for five days. My mom said my boyfriend called on my cellphone while I was inside and he asked for the directions how to get to the clinic. She gave the directions and he arrived just on time because my dad was in the drugstore, so I had enough time to tell him he can't be seen by my dad. Poor guy.

Right now, the stitches don't sting anymore although I can still see the thread sticking out of my skin. Ewww. At least, it's just in time for the halloween. I have to go back next week to have it removed (Halloween will be over by then).

Since the stitch is near my heart, it made me wonder, wouldn't it be nice if wounds caused by heartaches could be stitched up that fast?

out of solitude

hah! no email queues! goodie! I would have more time to read my new book, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Originally, I wanted Love in the Time of Cholera, however, when my book finally arrived (six months after I had it reserved), I didn't have any money to pay for the said P700++ book. I believe this one's good as well (not to mention cheaper!).

A bit ironic though, since I just got out of my solitude. Yep. Finally got myself a boyfriend (again). Nothing really serious yet, we're giving each other enough time to adjust to couplehood. If I'm not mistaken, the last time I felt this way was more than a couple of years ago. So it's been a while. Over time, I have developed a sort of skepticism towards special relationships, it's just now that I've lowered my defenses. My instincts have also become better. I can easily tell if he's done something wrong. However, I have become a little more cynical than I was before. But that's just my defense mechanism. I'm just too tired of committing the same mistake over and over again. Falling in love and investing in a relationship only to get hurt and be deceived in the end. I'm sure nobody wants that to happen.

So far, he seems to be true. He's really sweet. His quote for the day yesterday was "Without you, I can still breathe... but with great difficulty". Actually, I just added a little poetic touch to it, his actual words were: "Pag anjan ka, nakakahinga ako ng maluwag... pero pagwala ka na, para akong may hika." Now, ain't that sweet?!

TGIF

Got my first paycheck! Woohoo! Now, where to splurge them... hmmmm... In truth, it's not even enough to pay all my debts! It's not that the pay is low, it's just that my debts are high! This early, I'm already buried in debts! Well, I can pay them on my next paycheck, can't I? I will pay them back, but not today! hahaha!

Anyway, I got my schedule for the next three months, it's 7am-6pm from Thurs-Sun. My off-days are Mon-Wed. So in case anyone needs to set an appointment with me, you know when to schedule. Hehehe.

My dad is here! But I won't be able to go to mass with them since I've work on Sunday. And I have to miss going shopping at Duty Free because I have work today! Well, you win some, you lose some.

Lately, I've been getting anonymous comments, thanks so much for taking the time to comment, I just wish that you will let me know who you are so I can thank you personally. Heheheh. (Sounds like the emails I will be sending once I go live. Hahah.) But seriously, I'd like to know who you are so I could stop wondering. Don't you think it would be better if we know each other? I'd hate to think you're somebody trying to pull a prank on me. So, come out, come out, whereever you are...

looking forward to having my dad around

My dad will be arriving on Friday! Basically, that's good news since that would mean we could (at long last) spend two months with him and actuallly feel what it's like to have a dad around. But then again, that would mean a complete lifestyle change for me. I won't be able to go to nightouts with my friends (which usually extends to the next day), I won't be allowed to have guy friends in the house, earlier curfew, weekends will be strictly family-time-only and I would have to stick to ultra conservative outfits (He calls everything sleeveless as sando). Am I so bad that these are the first things that I think of when my dad will be coming home after two years of being away? Well, actually, I think his presence will be enough for me to freely give up all of those things. Who knows, maybe it could make up for everything that I won't be allowed to do. I'm sure I would still be able to have a good time, sans the gimiks and nightouts. NOT! No, seriously, I think I won't even notice what I would be missing when he's here. I'll make sure I spend as much time as I can with him... you know, father and daughter bonding. Maybe the next time he comes back, he'll be walking me down the aisle... hahaha! who knows?!

a little nest(ing)

Second day of nesting. We finished another set of emails today, and I have no idea whether I did the right thing or not. The problem, really, is that there could be a lot of ways you can answer a customer's email, but you would need to be in the same page with your QA for you to get a high score. You have to think the same way she's thinking. Same frequency and all. So I must learn to mindread my QA analyst. As if that's possible...

Sometimes, (actually, most of the time) we're lucky. Because there are times wherein there would be no emails queued on the server. So we have to wait... and wait... and wait some more. When it arrives, you still have to be sure that it's a technical problem before they allow you to answer it on your own, since we're not CS-trained yet, if not, do some more waiting. Or you can fly from one station to another, bug the vets, hound your crush (all of them), check your friendster, or pretend you're busy studying the tools... or blog!

Oh yeah, I'll be having a minor surgery, probably this week or next week. No matter how minor, I wanna be sedated.. coz I'm freakin' scared of sharp objects cutting through my flesh.. be it needle or what...

Hallucination

Got exempted on our finals in training today! Yey! Thus, the time to blog. On my way to work today, I just found it funny that when I got on a bus, I found almost every passenger asleep! I felt like I just walked into a bus to dreamland. Y'know, those "Are You Afraid of The Dark" Midnight Society stories wherein you suddenly find yourself somewhere strange. And then you walk slowly pass the seats and feel like you're on the wrong bus. And then you start to freak out, and then the bus driver will refuse to open the door, and then they will abduct you... and then you have to call someone to save you... See what watching TV could do to your mind! It makes you hallucinate! (Or is it just me?)

Song of the Day (although it has nothing to do with hallucination... then again, maybe it has):

only wanna be with you by Rozwell

i don't know what you do to me
i see eternity staring back at me
i made a vow to you that i'm gonna keep
watching over you everytime you sleep
when i think about what i'd do for you
it makes me think about all the things you do
you never once complained about the bad things
you swallowed all your pride
& held inside all of your pain

i only wanna be with you
(wanna be with you)
now i need you to need me too
no one will come between me & you
(never, ooh)
we will live our lives forever
(forever)
we'd even cry together
(we'll cry)
forever, & ever, & ever

tell me all the things that will make you smile
you say that diamond rings are really not your style
i know you're breaking rules
when it comes to loving you
i know it's hard to choose the one you give your loving to
people ask you why & what you see in me
a smile is your reply
you say it's meant to be
that's what i love about you
you give me all of you
the only one in this whole world i'll give my love to

health is wealth?!

My work requires me to stay all day in front of the computer until I get blind. I enjoy it (but I don't know for how long), but right now, my right eye is twitching involuntarily and it annoys me. Whether it's due to lack of sleep or to my daylong staring contest with the computer, I don't know. I'm really a very sickly person. Judging from my physical exam results, I conclude that I am, indeed, "full of sickness". Check this out...

1. I am a little underweight. (107lbs.)
2. My hemoglobin count is a little low (READ:kinda anemic).
3. I have scoliosis (not that serious but it affects my posture).
4. I have a small cyst on each of my you-know-what. Whether it's benign or what, I am yet to find out.
5. I am a little claustrophobic and I hyperventilate when I'm in an overcrowded place.

If being afraid of needles (to the point of going pale) counts, well, that would be six in total. If health is wealth, then I might be one of the poorest people on earth! I just hope that that really IS all of it. And I hope none of them becomes really serious. I don't think I'm ready to die yet, but I guess I really have to prepare from now on. We'll never know!

somewhere in the middle

Can you believe that The Body Shop is having a sale?! If that's not good news, I don't know what is! Finally, I got to buy the stuff I have been ogling on everytime I visit. I just wish the sale would last until I get my very first paycheck...

Training is almost over, one more week of exams and I'm off to the real thing. So far, my stay at PS has been one of the most interesting things that ever happened in my life. I can't believe that a lot of things could happen in a span of two weeks. It's like I was taken on a wild ride wherein everything happens in lightning speed and I just couldn't quite catch up. Really crazy, but cool. It's all so freakin' new to me, and I wasn't prepared at all. It's a whole new different culture. Shocking at times, but definitely interesting. I like it. Am I making any sense at all? Doesn't matter, I'm just as lost as you are.

Forgive the sucky post, I'm currently somewhere in the middle of something that I just couldn't quite explain. I'm all messed up right now, I couldn't think straight. I am completely lost. For the meantime, let the suspense kill you. (As if you care?! hahaha..)

yet another first day

I finally found out why my scripts aren't working right. I'm trying to use multiple scripts and so they are conflicting with each other, so I have to do some rewriting. But no time for that now... because I began my work at PeopleSupport today! T'was quite interesting, although I haven't found a person I could really jive well with yet. Maybe because some people decided to put their masks on, you know, for added impact in making good impressions. We're all 62 in the batch (batch139 to be exact). I couldn't really tell if there were more men than women, but if you count gay people as women, I guess you could say we outnumbered the men. There was this one gay guy I wanted to befriend because he seemed really fun to be with, unfortunately we won't be assigned to the same account, so goodbye potential friend. There was also this very annoying girl, who's so talkative because she's bragging about her having an accent and all. Even when nobody's asking her opinion, she'd give hers anyway. She seems to have a comment on everything! Even on the smell of the free clear book included in the kit. Yeah, we were given a kit which includes a steno, a highlighter, a clear book, a pen and a pencil (I felt like a happy kindergarten with new school supplies). I've yet to learn more stuff about this thing I've put myself into. So far, they're painting a really good picture of it... it's actually too good, that I'm anticipating a catch. I've yet to find out.

phase one

well, this is phase one of my blog make-over. Still not much, but it's a work in progress. I can't make the tagboard fit into the box, so I would have to edit it again to make the box bigger. And I can't make the scroll thing work with the archives section. My fave shoes looked ugly in the picture. So please bear with me while I try to learn. For the meantime, I have to go again because I'm using PLDTvibe postpaid internet and my mom's gonna kill me when she finds out I spent 3 hours (and counting) tonight.

a quickie... post

just a quick post. I am trying to make a new layout, using Adobe Photoshop 7.0 and a few scripts here and there. I just can't put them all together. It's so frustrating. But, challenging, as well. And I'm not gonna give up until I got it all together.

Anyway, latest news is: I'm employed! Actually, I'm just about to start training on Monday. I got accepted at PeopleSupport, and I'm really excited to finally earn my own money (because I'm all finished with planning how to spend them). More about that on my next post, I gotta get some sleep now.

totally swoon worthy

I know it may sound a little unpatriotic of me, but for the first time in my life, I actually wished I was Mexican (or at least, in Mexico). There is someone there that is really addictive that he should be illegal... Who, you ask? GAEL GARCIA BERNAL. I am totally swooning head over heels obsessing over him! To the point that even when I close my eyes, I see him! You probably would know him if you have watched art films like Alfonso Cuaron's Y Tu Mama Tambien, El Crimen Del Padre Amaro and Amores Perros. There's just no way that you could have watched those films without turning into a Gael-freak. Sigh. Just mentioning his name makes me warm all over (Okay, that's an exaggeration, but you get the point). I better read "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, reportedly, it's his favorite. Most of the sites about him are in Spanish. Good thing I took up Spanish lessons in college (6 or 9 units? I can't really remember). He speaks Spanish, English, Italian and French! He likes football, good thing I took up football too! So when we eventually meet, we'd have loads of stuff to talk about! The catch is he's only 5'6" tall, but I don't really care. He and Natalie Portman were a couple, but rumors had it that they have already split up. I even heard that it's because it's my turn now. So, move over Natalie!

the weekend that was

For the first time in history, I tried driving without a license. Both of my passengers don't have one either. My driving skills have got seriously and awfully rusty, that is if I still HAVE any left. Well, an L300 van is really not the easiest thing to navigate so the sucky driving is excusable. The important thing is I did not run over any living thing or collide with any non-living thing (read: expensive cars) and we got to our destination and back home in one piece.

So what happened over the weekend? Well, I finally got myself those Von Dutch shirts I have been wanting to buy for soooo long. So I bought two! My cousin bought two ASS well (it's not typo, it's just a private joke we share). Plus I've got a new cellphone. Actually, it's not new because my sister is handing it down to me. Her 6600 just arrived yesterday and she promised me she'd lend me her T610. So after spending two years with my trusty but phased out 6210, I finally got an MMS phone! But I'd still be keeping my 6210 (all original parts!). It has a lot of sentimental value... and really good quotes I saved on the phone memory!

The other night, I had a very vivid dream about my eternal crush for the Nth time. I can't really explain why, but the plot is always the same ever since, the setting is the only thing that changes each time I dream of him. In the beginning of my dream, he is with me and it almost seems like he's mine. I mean, we could almost pass as a couple. totally cloud nine! However, before the dream ends, one friend of mine always gets in the way and screws every thing up. She always manages to take him away from me (in Filipino: make sulot), thus leaving me ultimately dejected. Not really the happy ending I've always hoped for. But what the heck, we had our moment. The fact of the matter is, it did sort of happen in real life... and I did feel dejected. I really should get used to it, because it happens not only in real life but also in my dreams!

Anyway, over dinner tonight, I have decided to take up accounting as a second degree. My mom said it's okay and my dad actually joked about it (his way of recommendation, I hope). Maybe at UP Diliman or at UST. I'm planning to apply for work and then try to balance it with school, and then eventually pay my own tuition fee. For the meantime, these are all just plans. But I really want to go back to school. Plus it does sound like quite a challenge. We'll see if I'm up for it. I'll give it a little more thought.

Assessing Da Vinci

I borrowed a copy of Da Vinci Code from my good friend joey and I have just finished reading it. Overall, I think it's a good read... good enough for me to finish it in just two days. Surprisingly though, I don't think it's as good as I expected it to be. With all the fuss about it, I reckoned I should be astounded enough by its fascinating story to make me start buying those 'Cracking the Da Vinci Code' books. But it didn't. Maybe because it seemed predictable to me and I find it a tad too fictional and because it's full of jargons (that I couldn't even find in any of the dictionary in this house). If I may make a suggestion, they could place a glossary of French terms at the back. The riddles are quite easy (and fun!) to solve though. I, myself, managed to guess 4 of it correctly! So now I'm contemplating on having a career in cryptology! Just kidding. Well, probably most of the readers have solved a few riddles too (so much for my being a genius). About the issue on the grail and stuff, I don't think anyone should even consider for one second that any of it is true. It's too preposterous. A definite absurdity. It would just give you headaches if you try to think about it. It could even drive you crazy. But as long as you have a strong faith, I'm confident that one book would not shatter your beliefs (and your sanity) overnight. When you think about it, it might strengthen it even more. Maybe you can even consider it, say, like a test of faith! In the end, it really helps to know that this book can be found in the FICTION section of the bookstore. That certainly says it all.

After reading it, it did made me realize the sad fact that people would rather read (and even believe) all these lies that could weaken their faith rather than read things that would strengthen their faith. That book made me feel really guilty. I spent just two days reading Da Vinci Code and I couldn't even finish reading the Bible in a year. It's such a sad shameful reality that I wish could simply turn into fiction. It would be such a disgrace if I die without even finishing reading the best-selling book of all-time. TRIVIA: With just 4 chapters a day, and you're finished reading the Bible in a year. So there's just no way I can't finish it, NO WAY! I WILL FINISH IT! (And so should you!)

Matters of the Heart

Early this wonderful rainy morning, as soon as I woke up with a happy face (yep, like Shirley Manson, I'm only happy when it rains), I thought of writing about past loves... however, I'm afraid that I might just end up looking like the most bitter person and the sorest loser on the face of the planet. Well, who cares?! I don't think I'm the only person like that in this planet's blemished and sun-damaged face. So, I'm gonna talk about it anyway!

The fact of the matter is I still think about them sometimes. So, how many are them exactly? Technically, just two. Yeah, the first one and the last one and that's all, no in-betweens. The problem with me is that once it's over, it's not really over until we lose touch and never see each other again. So lovers can never be friends, in my case. Love is really an irrevocable process. That's why people say it's a risk. I can never see them as friends because everytime I see them, I am reminded of every bit of emotion I have felt, most especially the pain. It's like I can almost feel the wounds open up again. It's difficult enough not to think of the person even without constant communication, what more if there is. When I say 'I will always love you' to a person, you can expect me to stay by those words regardless of the status of the relationship (What can I say, if it's not mad love, it's not love at all). Like what I've read in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", you give them a part of your heart so they will always be a part of you even if they don't mean anything to you now (Or something like that). Sometimes, it kinda sucks that I don't fall out of love easily. First time I was hurt real bad, I got myself into a rebound relationship. It meant absolutely nothing to me, but I thought it will stop the hurting and help sustain my sanity, but when I learned of its consequence, I totally lost it. And I mean I REALLY lost all sanity. I'll spare you of the gorey details. The second one was not that hard, all I had to do was to take my blinders off. Go figure.

Like what they always say to bitter people (not unlike myself), the important thing is you've learned. I just hate the fact that I should learn the hard way. I wish I could learn without getting my heart involved because there really is no other part of the body that when broken, hurts as badly and heals as slowly as the heart. Well, a hurting heart is a loving heart! What really matters is that I have loved and loved the best way I know how.

Next please...

mid-life crisis in da haus!

Having a parent who’s evidently experiencing midlife crisis can be such a real pain in the you-know-where. She either deliberately refuses to understand you or she’s just too old to really understand anything (think: age gap or memory gap). I am sooo angry right now that I’m actually crying and I only do that when I’m on extreme emotions. I sooo want to do something right now, like run away or something, except I don't have anywhere else to go. All I can do is write and let it serve as an outlet for this extreme emotion. GAWD! WHEN WILL MIDLIFE CRISIS BE FINALLY OVER?! I hope it ends real soon, coz I don't know how much of this I can really take. I might just actually snap my twig sooner or later. It's like I'm no longer allowed to have fun. Now, ain't that just plain unfair? Then why don't they just throw me out to nowhere?! She wasn't like this before. She was someone you'd really be proud to have as a mom. I don't know what went wrong all of a sudden. It was like she was possessed or something. Like somebody else took over her. It's like I don't even know who she is anymore, even though I have been spending everyday around her. She used to be really sweet and caring and everything. Now she's so high-strung and irritable and emotional, like the evil stepmom in fairy tales. She's even scolding me because of something I do not really have control of! I mean, why?! It's not like there's something I can do about it! Geez! Maybe she's schizophrenic and that's her alter-ego. Her bad alter-ego. This is really bad because everytime something like this happens, I always have the urge to do something to harm myself in other aspects other than the physical (although I've tried letting myself starve, but not to death). But you know what, I'm still quite fortunate that there's only one parent around here. When the reinforcement (meaning, my father) arrives in two months' time... that would really drive me mad and I'd have to change the title of my blog to: crossing over to insanity.. hmmm.. not bad...

Fave Song of the Week

Vindicated
by Dashboard Confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing
I am captivated, I am...

Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right Swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated,
so motivated I am certain now that I am...

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

Like hope Dangles on a string Like slow spinning redemption...

I can soooo relate... whatever it means.. hahahah..

Greatest Pasalubong Ever!

My brother just got back from Hong Kong and I got the greatest pasalubong I ever received: A special extended DVD Edition of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Actually, he bought it at Xiamen, which was his first destination. I was so excited with my pasalubong that as soon as I got home, I run up to the computer and watched the first installment. I've been meaning to watch all of it today, however, I don't think my eyes would agree with that idea. One movie is long enough, but three?! I'd be needing glasses by the time I'm thru. I'm sure you would think it's pirated (I hope it's not!). But I don't believe so. I mean, it has those "VRB" like stickers on it (I don't understand what's written though since it's in chinese), and it's completely sealed with plastic, and it has a cool holder (I don't know what it's called, the cardboard thing that holds them all together? Making it look like a book? That watchamacallit thing). Until now, I couldn't take my hands off it. It's... my precioussss...

LSS (Last Song Syndrome)

Your Song
by Parokya ni Edgar

It took one look
and forever lay out in front of me
One smile
then I died
only to be revived by you

There I was
thought I had everything figured out
goes to show just how much I know
'bout the way life plays out

i take one step away
and I find myself coming back
to you
my one and only
one and only
you..

Now I know
that I know not a thing at all
except the fact that I am yours
and that you are mine

Oh,if you told me that it wouldn't be easy
and Oh, I'm not one to complain

I'm sure it's not because of the lyrics (coz I really can't relate), I think it must be the melody. I can only relate to Avril Lavigne's songs these days, and a whole lot of heavy alternative where screaming is a way of singing. But if I have someone, then you can expect hearing me singing this to him. Hopefully it would be music to his ears.

hooba hooba

In less than a week, Hoobastank will be performing at Folk Arts Theater... and I won't even be there to watch it. I am pretty sure I'm gonna miss it like how I missed the Incubus and Linkin Park concerts. It's like I'm just letting a once-in-a-lifetime thing pass me by. Sigh. Sadly, there's really nothing I can do. I'm so pathetic, I have never been in a concert all my life, much less buy a ticket to watch it. I have never even been to any of those stadiums (Cuneta Astrodome, Araneta Coliseum, Ultra, name it!). So you can say I have never watched a live basketball game. I've watched plays though (only because we were required to) and those were the only times I set foot on CCP or Folk Arts Theater. Given the chance (and the resources), I would have watched plays more often. I even wish I could be on it and perform onstage. Acting seems a fun thing to do. Maybe because it makes you feel like you morphed into a different person in a different place and time, thus giving you a whole new experience. Theater acting... yeah, maybe in my wildest dreams!

'bout time...

I want to give my site a total make-over. The layout is starting to bore me to death, and also I want to add a few things to spice it up a little. But then, I just don't know where to begin. Anyway, my last post was a real feel-bad one I almost want to delete it. I'm really not that lonely, maybe just at night but during the day, I am happy. I got everything I need. But like anything else, there's always room for improvement, I know I could always be happier. However, my happiness is not on the top of my list yet. I have to improve myself and on how I live my life. Before I waste away the gift of singlehood that God has given me, I think I should learn how to build and strengthen my relationship with God. Because when that certain someone comes around, my attention and love will be divided. Even more when I start having a family of my own. I think this is the ME and GOD time. Right before, ME and GOD and SOMEONE time. I think right now, nobody else deserves my love and attention but Him. And it's about time I make it happen... and I know that will eventually lead me to real happiness. Now.. where did I place that "Purpose-Driven Life" book?

my way of putting myself to sleep mode

I Know Him By Heart

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending love's not meant to be
Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've nerver been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Yet another song for that certain someone...

Every night before I drift myself to sleep, I always have the same pattern of thoughts. As I lay on my bed, with my eyes still wide open, I think about a lot of stuff. About the past love and the might-have-beens. After that, I snap back to reality and suddenly realize how lonely I feel and start feeling bad for myself (read: bitter). Then convince myself that everything's for the best but end up thinking that everything's just plain unfair. Then start believing that a certain someone exist. Then I begin questioning that certain someone's existence. Then I get tired of thinking and decide to dream instead. At least, in my dreams, I can be happier. Every night, that pattern repeats itself perpetually without fail. It seems like I don't have any control of it. It just... happens. And everytime, I can almost hear my heart break. Speaking of which, I remember what kuya Abet texted me: From the book Mr.Write:"What happens when someone breaks your heart? First you're shocked. You're heartbroken and you examine the words break and heart and heartbroken. You decide it's inaccurate. You feel pain in the region of your heart and you think it's your heart breaking but one's heart doesn't really break, something else does --- faith." Well, it's gonna take a real lot of time and effort before that heals, if at all. Well, once a romantic, always a romantic whether in a relationship or not. Most romantics don't have relationships though, thus the term hopeless romantic... let's just hope I'm really not that hopeless..

What if...

...i was a guy? I remember way back in high school, after performing a skit in front of the class with me playing a guy role (since I had ultra short hair before), a classmate came up to me and told me that if I was a guy, she would have had a crush on me. I did not know how to react because I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a compliment or not. Does it mean I look better if I was a guy? I welcomed the thought just now. What if I really was a guy. Would I be a cool guy? Good guy? Bad boy type? a rocker maybe? If I was a guy, I won't be like any other boring guy. Maybe I would take girls more seriously. My style would probably be like boy-next-door type. Probably I'd play a sport or two. Typical romantic (like I am now). A bit bookish (like I am now). Breathes music (like I do now). A bit rebellious maybe but self-contained. Definitely a hearthrob! (Come on, it's just imaginary anyway!) What type of girls would I like? Hmmm.. maybe girls like me (what can I say, love your own.. well, actually looks more like "love yourself" to me!).

Way way way back when I was still a creature inside my mother's womb, they actually thought I would be a boy because I kept squirming and kicking inside (to my mom's discomfort). Imagine their surprise when I came out without a, uhm, you-know-what. No regrets since I turned out to be a handsome girl after all! When I was in my adolescence, I was comfortable dressing up like a guy, but the rest of me is a girl. Everything changed when I started getting guys' attention (even with my boyish looks, what can I say?!), and so I ended up being a girl after all, and a pretty one at that! (Hey, this is my blog. I can claim to be anything I want). But then again, I think I bond better with guys than I do with girls nowadays. Also, I like music that are not quite defined as girlie. Plus I like PC games that most guys like. And I like speed too, like fast driving. But I really am a girl, inside and out. I like pink, I like clothes and shoes, I like styling my hair, I like romance, and all other girlie stuff. At least when I get to meet the one God has destined for me. He gets the whole package, a guy friend and a girlfriend rolled into one! What more could he ask for?! Ok, I think I better stop before I sound like I'm crazier than I thought I am.

disclaimer: this post is written mainly to boost the author's fast declining self-esteem. The author is not liable for any violent reactions that it may cause the reader.

meow

Something is wrong with tag-board, and I hope it's nothing permanent, coz that would mean I have to find a new message board for my blog. I hope it's just a system upgrade or something of that sort. Anyway, just the usual Sunday for me today. Went to hear mass and then go to Glorietta, walk around sans moolah. I've spotted something I want to buy as soon as I have P85 on my hand. Instead of the overpriced Havaianas I originally wanted to buy, I am opting to buy the cheaper local one available at SM. I have that on top of my list, and I won't stop blabbering about it until I get it (so I won't forget to buy it). Actually I have cash earlier this morning, but I splurged it on my monthly dose of Cosmopolitan magazine since it's the first day of the month. My money wasn't even enough to buy that magazine, and I had to beg for P10 from my cousin. This month's Cosmo cover is Heart Evangelista. Ok, that's enough, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Hahahah.

Yesterday, I watched "Catwoman" at Greenbelt 3 with a friend. The movie was so-so, not bad but not the best. I don't think that meowing is for Halle Berry though. Yeah, the suit looks sexy on her and all, but meowing or purring like a cat doesn't quite match her personality. The plot was also kinda predictable. Some of her poses even reminded me of Spiderman, like that time when she was at the top of a tower or when she was climbing a wall. But what really irked me does not have anything to do with the movie. The topmost seats are not actually comfortable since it strains my neck. That's the second time that I had a stiff neck after watching a movie. The first one was just a week ago, at the same theater. Anyhoo, going back to the movie... while I was watching it, I realized how cat-like I really am. Aside from having a nick name fit for a cat (ning or mining, but please don't address me that way, it's strictly for blood relatives only), I like sleeping all curled up, with my wrist twisted inward (like a paw). When I was a child, I also liked walking on the edge of the sofa chair, the couch, the table, etc. which was the reason why I broke the headrest of one of the sofa chairs (I jumped on it, teehee). I also used to like climbing on things. Like that post outside our house, or even the walls along the small hallway in our house. I can't sleep without creating friction with my feet, I have to rub it somewhere, even on my skin. Just like a cat rubbing itself against something. Maybe I am catwoman... now the only thing lacking is that sexy suit... oh yeah, and a sexy body for that suit. Hahahah.

stups

I braved the Monday morning rush to go to Diliman. Normally it would take me around 20 minutes to go to Buendia MRT, but as expected it took almost an hour. Anyway, so I rode an FX to get there. I gave the driver 20 bucks and I expect to be given a 10 bucks change. Minutes passed, still no change. Until I decided to break the silence and let the driver know I still have change. Unfortunately, my lips are faster than my brain and I ended up scrambling my words and saying "Ma, ho yung sukli ng bente". At least I didn't end up saying "Ho, Ma, yung bente ng sukli". Stupid! I could almost hear the Homer Simpson in me saying "D'oh!". But it doesn't stop there, when I finally get to Diliman. I saw a sign that made me even more stupid, "Office and Classes are suspended from 12 noon onwards due to SONA". Oh yeah, today's the SONA who can ever forget! So I had to get everything done my 12noon. At least, I got to watch the SONA at home. GMA painted a very good picture. I just hope it won't remain that way, a picture.

Gadgets Galore

From twice a day to daily to weekly, and soon it might be monthly or even worse, yearly. So many times I have been wanting to write, but so many times, fate won't let me. I either run out of prepaid internet credits or the connection is too slow or my computer is having its own version of PMS. When the time to write it down comes, as always, my thoughts run down the drain faster than you can say short-term memory loss.

We got two new acquisitions for our humble abode, a 21-inch flat screen tv (it's not that big really) and a portable cd player. If you ask me, I think it's about time to buy those stuff. None of our TVs work well. One is turning everything into grayscale with pinstripes while the other one is pseudo-remote controlled. We don't have any other CD (not even a cassette) player except the one for the PC. We don't even have a decent radio. By decent, I mean one that works without having to hit it hard. So, it's really about time. While my mom was busy buying all those stuff, I looked around the store and saw a LOT of things I wish I have. If I am given a chance to chose a store I want to ransack, this would be the place to go. I would just grab myself a PS2 and all the games I could see. I also would add a palm pilot and a gameboy advanced sp and all the game cartridges there. And the steering wheel for racing games. Also, I would grab some digital cameras and an IPod of course. A few cellphones won't hurt. And maybe a DVD player too. Well, why not just take the whole store! Hmmm.. someday, they'll all be mine.. (evil grin)

From USA to fatherhood to X-Files

I can't believe how barbaric USA can be. Either that, or they just don't understand that if we don't pull out our troops, it'll be Angelo dela Cruz's head. Don't tell me that they'd rather that an innocent man get killed than withdraw from the battlefield. I remember a documentary that I watched at Wowow channel yesterday. The title is "Bowling for Columbine", which talks about the Columbine shooting and other violent shootings that happened in the US. There was even one school shooting wherein a six-year old kid shot his classmate to death. Really disturbing. The director, Michael Moore, even showed how virtually unsafe Americans feel compared to Canadians. Canadians do not lock their doors (even at night) and do not own as much guns as Americans do. In America, they have an average of three locks on their doors and everybody owns a gun. Before, you can even buy as much ammos as you want in K-mart (K-mart did something about it though, I think they phased out their handgun ammos). The point is that Canadians don't kill each other as much as Americans do. It really IS a jungle out there. For them, violence is an answer. Well, at least their president thinks so.
 
So much about that... Today is my father's birthday. He's turning 60 and he's still in abroad (Saudi Arabia to be exact). I miss having a real father figure in the house. It's the shoes that nobody else can fill in but your dad. It really sucks that he has to work there. If I would have a family of my own, I would never let that happen. If he wants to work abroad, well, he has to take me (and the kids) with him! I know my parents really sacrificed a lot for all our sakes, and I really appreciate that. It just makes me sad that my dad didn't get to see as grow up or even get to know us deeply. Soon my brother will get married, and they didn't even had the chance to have a real father-and-son bonding. It just makes my heart break into a million pieces in sympathy with him. I couldn't really remember but maybe when I was a child, I would get shy around him like I would to a stranger. It would take me days before I get used to being around him. And when I'm finally used to it, he has to go away again for another two years. It really has affected my personality in a way. Maybe it explains why I feel more relaxed around my guy friends than around girls. I also tend to open up more to guys than I do to girls. I miss having a dad.
 
Another thing that I miss.. is crying. I miss having a real good cry. I miss shedding a bucket of tears. Maybe because I have been so used to doing it before, and somehow I liked the feeling that an after-cry brings to the point of missing it. The last good cry I've had was late last year I think. Now that I don't really have any reason to cry anymore, I kinda miss it. Although in my dream last night, I got a chance to cry a lot. But I guess in real life, I just have to save my tears for a worthy cause. I tell you, even if you're no masochist, pain can really be part of happiness sometimes. That was probably why I have let myself be taken for granted a few times, no, make that a lot of times, before. But I realized how wrong it was, how unfair it seems and how violated I felt. So I've tried to move on but in the process, I started to have difficulty trusting people. I became a fan of Fox Mulder's motto: Trust No One. Perhaps someday someone would teach me how to trust again (and never break it), but until that someday, I guess I would have to try to do it on my own.

GOTTA HAVE THESE!!!

It's time for my latest fashion finds. These are the things that I wanted to have ASAP. Maybe somebody out there (READ:YOU), knows someone who sells these kind of stuff for a cheaper price, or maybe somebody (READ:YOU) already have one and is just too kind-hearted to keep it to his or herself that he or she wants to give them away to the less fortunate ones who don't have them (READ:ME).

1. Black Havaianas - These Brazilian Flip-flops are a must-haves. You can never go wrong with these, plus they're really comfy (but that comfort comes with a higher price tag than your usual Islanders.

Ballet Janice from X:ODUS

2. Cute round-toe flats - I am a fan of flats, I hate wearing heels, they cause serious amount of pain. The good thing about these flats is that you can wear it with just about anything.

3. Floral wide skirts - I know it's no longer summer, but hey, technically it's spring! Spring=Flowers. Plus they make me feel sophisticated. In other words, pa-girl.

4.white leather bag - White goes along with almost anything. I also need a bag that is spacious enough to hold all of my stuff but would not make me look like I'm going away from home.

Gucci Women

5. Metal cuff watch - I don't have a decent watch. I particularly like this one because it's both a bracelet and a watch (duh?!). Cuffs are so in! (and I am not talking about those kinky ones.) Whatever material it's made, be it leather or metal, it's good.

6. Off-shoulder tops - It looks good even if you don't have nice shoulders, and like the skirt it gives a pa-girl effect. It also adds a touch of class to a jologs like me.

7. Von Dutch tops - My cousin and I like this brand very much. Whenever we go to the mall together, our eyes our peeled for this. Unfortunately, until now, we don't have any of it in our possession. We accept donations, by the way.

8. Jars of Clay Album - see previous post

Random Thoughts..

Random thought number 1: This is my second random thoughts post. For some technical reason, my first post didn't get posted.. It sucks.. coz I have to type everything all over again.

Random thought number 2: It's UAAP season once again! Big deal, our team never gets close to championship anyway. But I'm rooting for Ateneo Blue Eagles and I like Larry Fonacier, so sue me! Go Ateneo! Soar High! hahahah.

Random thought number 3: Jars of Clay is a GREAT band. I am currently downloading ALL of their songs in ALL of their album. Originally, I planned on buying all their albums legally, but since it's too costly. Maybe somebody out there who has them will be kind enough to let me borrow, or better yet, burn it for me. hahaha.

Random thought number 4: The root of bitterness is in the hypothalamus. If you want to get rid of it, try damaging your hypothalamus. Try being devoid of emotion. Or maybe you can just try having amnesia, no, make that selective amnesia (sometimes I wish I had one). Bottomline: You can't really solve it without doing damage to yourself. It's like a disease that cannot be prevented, but it's really not a big deal since everybody catches it anyway.

Well, those are all the thoughts that randomly came into my mind before I drifted to sleep last night. And now I no longer have anything to talk about. So there.

A Fork in a Road

I did not hear mass today, but instead I went to a Christian Sunday church service because my brother's engagement was officially announced to his Victory Christian Fellowship family. It's really not very much different than celebrating the Eucharist in a Catholic church. Except for the stage where a band is playing (read: live worship), the priests there are called pastors and more than one of them gets to speak and share on stage, the sermon is much more effective and less sleep-inducing, think of it as more interactive than the usual sermon, the people seem to really know each other, and they're very warm.. well, i guess there IS much difference after all. I have been to a service a lot of times before, and honestly, I really enjoyed it. Whenever I attend one, it never fails to overwhelm me to the point that I am on the brink of tears. If only my family wasn't there, I could have really shed a tear or two. It just moves me in a way that the Eucharistic celebration could not achieve (but should). I really am confused with my religion and it has been going on for a while now. I seem to mix a little of both Christian and Catholic ways and create my own religion which is really not the right way to settle things. I can't decide whether I want to stay as a Catholic or be converted to a Christian. I just can't. But I think that I better make up my mind, because it really has been affecting my relationship with God. I just wish He'd give me the answer. I am totally confused.

Golf and Marriage

Last night, after celebrating Pat's birthday by watching "Mean Girls" and having dinner at Something Fishy at Eastwood with our friends (namely: NJ Carol, Ana and Jerc).. we all did something we haven't done for ages.. PLAY MINI-GOLF! It really wasn't part of the agenda, we just went to The Fort because we weren't in the mood to party all-night in Libis. It just so happened that we passed by that mini-golf thing, so we decided to go for it. After all, the last time I played mini-golf was way back when I did not even know what Par means. That was when being at Glico's was cool. I used to view golf as a boring sport, but last night, it was like the most enjoyable thing we ever did together. It just sucked because I only placed fourth and I wasn't able to do a hole-in-one. Even though golf does not seem to be a tiring sport, by the time we finished the 18th hole.. we were all pooped. So we spent the night at my place, but we didn't sleep at all, we just chatted till the sun showed up. And that was why I only got to sleep at around 6am this morning, woke up at 2pm, and had lunch at 4pm.

I still couldn't believe it.. my brother is engaged. Yesterday, he proposed to his girlfriend. It was sooo romantic. He had 50 dozens of roses all set up and I helped pick the songs to play and in scattering rose petals all over the girl's house. Seriously, how can you say no to that?! Sigh. At last, my lifelong dream of becoming part of a wedding entourage will finally come true!

22 hours of being awake

It's 6 in the morning, and I am just about to go to bed. I haven't had any sleep for the last 22 hours and the last time I slept, it only lasted for 4 freakin' hours. So you can probably imagine, my eyebags are having the time of their lives. Funny though, I don't feel sleepy at all. Just hungry. So what did I do the last 22 hours I am awake? Just let me leave that question hanging.. for the meantime, I have to feed my hungry tapeworms first and then I am off to dreamland!

finally finally finally

at last, all those long hours in front of the pc, sleepless nights, restless days, pesos spent, time wasted, i have finally.. finally.. finally.. edited my template! it isn't much, but at least, it's something i can be proud of! coz i did it all by myself! bwahahahahah!

now i can rest, now i can sleep, now i can do more relevant things, now i can.. no, not yet, i still can't eat.. maybe i'll just blend everything i eat.. so i can just swallow them down. sigh. well, looking at the brighter side, i may eventually slim down a bit. i just hope i don't get ulcers again. coz now it won't be just my teethache, but my stomachache too!

this is the first step to real progress.. starting today, i'm trying to put my life back on track (a la starting over). i got my planner out and i started jotting down things that i NEED to do.. even worse.. NEED TO FINISH (read: PRIORITY). Too bad that finishing NFSU for the second time isn't included in my list.. what's first on my list? get to bed at 10pm.. Oops, i think i'll just cross that one out.. hahahah.. this seems harder than i thought! well, tomorrow.. i'm gonna make a new list.. of achievable things.. hahaha!

The Horrors Of Having Braces

I went to my dentist this morning with a smile on my face, completely oblivious of the pain that will befall my pearly whites later on. My upper and lower molar teeth are bound together by a rubber band. All 10 of them (four upper and six lower). It's like my lower molar is tied to my upper molar which makes it almost impossible for me to eat, let alone open my mouth. I have to speak only through gritted teeth. Because if I make the slightest effort to open my mouth. Not only does it make my teeth ache even more, but it also make my jaws hurt from stretching the freakin' rubber band. After I get through this, I might develop a muscular, uhm, jaw. How cute.

Well, let me tell you how painful it is. Imagine having 10 of your teeth pulled out.. all 10 of them at once.. without anaesthesia.. without any painkillers.. coz that is what they really are doing, pulling each other out. I tell you, it's excruciating! And I have to change these bands every two days, to make sure that the bands are elastic enough.. to make sure that they really hurt enough.. and my dentist supplied me with 24 freakin' torture bands (I use 4 of it at a time). Plus, I'm not supposed to remove them unless I'm going to change them. How the hell am I supposed to eat when I can only open my mouth 1cm wide? The only thing I can think of eating is french fries! Maybe I should get a dextrose.

Actually, I don't mind the pain, what I am really worried about is the thought of going out looking like I have noodles stuck between my teeth. As my mom subtly puts it, it's more like having strings of mozarella cheese on my teeth. Thanks mom! I think I'd rather detain myself at home for a while.. than go out and communicate through sign language.. Sheesh! So much for my social life! Lesson: If you're not wearing braces, be thankful you don't have to endure such pain. GAWD! IT'S SOOOO FREAKIN' PAINFUL, IT KILLS!

Crazy Saturday Afternoon

Even heroes have the right to bleed.. as one song goes, and in Spider-Man 2, you will see how true that line is. The movie was so good that i could not wipe that silly smile off my face after watching it. It was way better than the first one. They say it was more of a romantic movie than an action one.Well, all the better! I think it's about time that they give super heroes a little bit of realism. I'm more interested in their love lives than what they can do with their super powers anyway! So now, I have two most favorite super heroes.. superman and spider-man! They have a lot in common (that is, aside from their underwear-outside costume).. they both work for the daily newspaper (daily planet and daily bugle), they both wear glasses, they both have a multi-millionaire friend that will turn out to be one of their nemesis, and they both have interesting love lives! Hmmm.. when will i ever get to meet my super hero... HERO? HERO ANGELES? hahahah.. why not?!

Anyway, i had a crazy day yesterday. I spent one saturday afternoon with three different sets of friends at different times. I did not plan on squeezing all of them in one afternoon, we just had a lil miscommunication. I thought my college friends and i will be watching the movie on a friday. So i made separate plans for saturday, my other friend already reserved tickets for Spider-man2 days before. To my horror, my college friends bought me a ticket too. So i ended up with two tickets for the movie, the bad news is, they are both showing simultaneously at 405pm. I cant cut myself in half so i just paid for the ticket, but went on and watch it with my other friend since my college friends and i will be seated in separate seats too anyway. Bad planning can really be stressful... not to mention expensive. So the day went on, and at around 10pm, i met with my high school friends. I got home at around 12am. I was totally exhausted.. but it was all worth it anyway. There's nothing like spending quality time with friends. I guess i wont be that tired if there were fewer people in the mall. It was really crazy, everywhere you go you will surely find a long line (and you will surely see yourself at the end of it)! If G4 had a weaker framework, it would have collapsed! It was like half of the population of metro manila was there! One thing i really hate.. crowded places (that's why i don't want to go to hell!) hahahah..

Nonsense...

I watched "Making the Game" (the Spiderman video game) at MTV last night and I discovered the coolest job in the world. There is such a job as Quality Assurance Tester or something like that, wherein all you do is play the game and look for anything that's wrong with it. That is all. Just play the game 8 hours a day and you get paid for it. Gosh, I want to apply for that position at Activision. But as the guy said, playing video games at work.. is still work.. while playing video games at home is fun. But what the heck, I don't see any difference! I want that job!

Speaking of video games, I will try to play NFSU online later (after I download the patch). Thanks to pldtplay, my NFSU days aren't over. My need for speed will still be satisfied after all.

That will be all the nonsense I can think of for now.

Blustery Day

I passed up a chance to watch Spider-man 2 today... all because of the weather. I am so afraid to get out coz I might just be blown away by the wind to a distant land. With typhoons like this, an umbrella would be useless.. since the rain is falling sideways. Best way to spend the day? Go and make your Sims Superstars. That thing really got me hooked ever since I've finished all the races on NFS Underground. But I will soon make a new profile so I can start it all over again. My frustrations are showing.. hahahah.

Does Such a Certain "Someone" Exist?

Last night, I watched "A Walk To Remember" at Wowow channel and it was really a great movie. Even though I have already seen it (and even read the book), I still get goosebumps while watching my favorite scenes (particularly the one where Landon was crying while hugging his father and the one where he proposed to Jamie). It was my very kind of movie (in other words, sappy?). It's like I could watch it over and over again and still feel like I'm watching it for the first time. Still enthusiastic and attentive all throughout the movie. After watching it.. it was 12am then.. it suddenly got me into thinking.. Would I rather lose the love of my life because of death (meaning I'd lose him forever) or to someone else? If you really look at it, it's almost the same. But after a lot of tossing and turning on my bed, I decided that I would rather lose him because of death, coz at least all i would think about are the great memories we've had and that is all. The pain of losing him would be alleviated by how much we loved each other while he lived. Unlike when I lose him to someone else... when that happens.. I think I'd rather die.. than live with the pain forever.. thinking how happy he is with somebody else. I mean.. OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHHH! It's like lifetime torture! But what could I do if that happens? (that is, if it hasn't happened already) I mean, I won't actually kill myself for that.. I might be crazy, but not THAT crazy. I guess, there's nothing else to do.. but bear that cross for the rest of your life (that's what you get for loving too much!) OR maybe, there would come a time wherein someone would just simply take all those pains away and bring you the happiness you have been looking for.. but then you start to wonder.. does such a certain "SOMEONE" exist? or is it just like Santa Claus who just keeps your hopes up..

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there will really be days when your creative juices just won't flow, and i guess this is one of those days. So many times have i wanted to write, yet when i am about to type it down, all those thoughts go *poof*. i really have to get used to the thought of others being able to read what has been on my mind lately. I have been so used to just writing for my own good.

well then, i woke up today with my body aching. I don't know if it's just because of my sleeping position or because my bed is just not "body-friendly", but either way, i could not do anything about it but bear the pain and then rant about it here.

i have been waiting for the rain to fall since last week, but all i get is the wind. I WANT RAIN! i just like the atmosphere when it rains. i like the way everything looks, i like the sound of the falling rain, everything looks so dramatic, plus it's so nice to sleep when it's raining.

all weekend, all i did was play NFS Underground, now that i've finished all the races. i am left with nothing to do. i guess i could start another game. or i could continue playing with my SIMS who are on the brink of stardom. or i could start my thesis. Nope, i suppose i will be playing another round of NFS Underground instead. hahahah. im obviously avoiding something... i can run, but i know i can't hide..

constant headaches

im going to complain once again about the headaches i have been having ever since i got myself hooked on blog (or on the tedious process of designing it). Technology really does not always makes life easy, i can attest to that. i can't imagine how i got this tired.. by just sitting in front of the computer. my body is aching, my eyes are tired, my ears are ringing... i just hope i don't break down just before this computer does.

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The thought of editing this blog did not let me sleep last night. Now, it's giving me headaches. It's all I can think and talk about! One of my unique traits is that when I started something I really wanted to do, I won't stop until I'm satisfied with it. I just hate the feeling of frustration. I spend countless hours on the net, learning all about CSS, HTML, Photoshop, web design, and all the crap I could not care less about before. I hope all of these will be worth it in the end.

Smallville Rocks!

I have just finished watching a marathon of Smallville season three episodes.. and the finale gave SOOO many questions for the next season to answer. I almost got a headache just thinkin about it. But that's a good way to end the season, leaving the viewers in suspense. DYING in suspense! (I know, coz I am!) hahahah..

It's about time for Yahoo mail to be upgraded! They now have a whooping 100 mb storage! Yey! Deleting messages from my inbox is definitely not my cup of tea. My e-mail is always 100% full! but now it's down to only 4%, i mean, how amazing is that?!

I would have loved to tell my friends about my being part of the blogging community, however, I'm too ashamed of the way my site looks so I'd be telling them about this as soon as I got it the way I like it (which could take a long time really).

I don't know why, but right now I have an obsession for floral skirts. It's like I won't stop until I have at least two of them (coz I already got one and it doesn't seem to be enough for me). Shopaholic? I hope not.

Well, that's about it for now. I'll just be back when I've more nonsense to say.

Seriously now..

First ever blog that I will try my best to keep updated.. I just hope I don't run out of internet credits. Hahah. Anyway, I think I'll just get back when I've more sensical things to say. Ü